Used my Safeword. Dom didn't stop. I'm NBU? Right?

[RoseOfSharyn]

As per the title....

I used my safe word. He continued woth what he was doing.....'Just not as hard.'

I've hit the roof, kicked him out and told him all trust is gone.

He thinks I'm overreacting.

Clearly I trusted the wrong person and I'm a cunt.

Voice of experience: never ever go back to this man again.

If you do, you are saying your safe word means nothing and he can do what he likes to you.

He will do that because he gets off on humiliating you and going too far; this is evident because he didn't stop when you said your safe word.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Absolutely big No.

Is he known in the community? Can you warn other subs?

when I asked him to leave after the minimising was to collect all of the props/toys and take them home! Ha!

Because he knew that was it. He'd ruined it and wouldn't be back.

Mean I hope that's the reason!

You are not a cunt, he is. You have no reason to be upset with yourself. You withdrew consent and he ignored it - he assaulted you. It is not your fault.

Good for you for using your safeword.
Good for you for going outside of role and telling him full on NO!

Good for you for not allowing him to minimise HIS actions.

Take care of you and if you're on FL and met him there please let people know so that his name becomes mud.
There are too many people on there who shouldn't be and there are good networks to tap into for references. It's never an absolute guarantee but better than some other sites if you've tapped into your local communities.

name and shame on fetlife etc. This man is an abuser.

You were lucky.

What others have said.
Safewords are there for your comfort and trust. If you use yours it should have meant whatever activity stoppped immediately and he should have checked you were ok. He didn't listen to you and carried on. That's violating your consent. You're definitely not overreacting. I would not ever have him as a dom/play partner again, and if he's part of a community they should also be made aware.

Hope you're ok.

You had boundaries, he chose to ignore them. Game over. What a charming man. Hope you are OK now OP.

And even if you were being unreasonable - which you are absolutely not.

"I no longer wish to have a sexual relationship with you" is the ultimate in complete sentences. You don't need to justify, you don't need to tell him what he did wrong, you don't need to argue. "I'm no longer interested" is all you need to say.

when I asked him to leave after the minimising was to collect all of the props/toys and take them home! Ha!

Because he knew that was it. He'd ruined it and wouldn't be back.

Also suggests its not the first time its happened to him so keep that in mind if he tries to wheedle his way back in OP

I'm really sorry you've been through this. Trust is paramount.

Also, please don't think you're a cunt. You're really not. This is not your fault.

He's a shit. Sorry this happened to you. FWIW I'm a top, and if anyone ever says a safeword to me everything stops IMMEDIATELY and we talk about it and I get them a drink or whatever else is necessary and apologise if necessary (ie sometimes the safeword means 'I have cramp/need the loo' or 'There is a bloody great spider about to crawl up my leg')

Unfortunately there is a percentage of dominants (mostly male ones) who have found kink a good way to excuse/justify/indulge their abusive, woman-hating natures.

YANBU! Safeword means everything stops. Scene ends. Cunt.

100% means stop. Even more important if you're in a position where you can't move or speak (we used keys in my hand to drop as a safe "word")
And an experienced Dom won't ever have you use that safe word because they go just before that boundary and never up to it

Name and shame if you feel you can do so without putting yourself at risk. Others should be warned.

Safe word means no, it is not complicated.

If he's actually too stupid to understand that, he shouldn't be allowed to leave his house on his own.

But I assume he is actually a man of average intelligence who even holds a job, which means he is a liar, plain and simple.

If you ever feel tempted to believe his excuse, remind yourself that IF it is true, if you took his word for it ... then he's dangerously stupid and you shouldn't ever put yourself in a situation where your wellbeing depends on him making sensible decisions.

Jesus. I'm completely vanilla and even I know safe word = stop. Here you go Do tell others about this prick.

Also suggests its not the first time its happened to him

Yup

Hope you enjoy the wine and kebab. There are decent doms out there. Be kind to yourself.x

Doubling up on User...312's comment. Sometimes a safeword can mean stop for other things.
Still means STOP!
And the Top or Dom should immediately comply and help.

it must have been scary :(

The safe word is non negotiable. Did you also have an amber word to slow down or that you're getting close to limit? I always found that useful too.
It sounds like your person is completely untrustworthy and if you're part of a scene, you should think about letting others know

The safe word is non negotiable. Did you also have an amber word to slow down or that you're getting close to limit? I always found that useful too.
It sounds like your person is completely untrustworthy and if you're part of a scene, you should think about letting others know

I know nothing of this kind of relationship, but safe word = stop means safe word = stop. No point in having those rules if they are ignored. Hope you are OK.