Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

Losing my virginity !

66 replies

Toastyteacakes · 10/07/2017 21:04

Hello !
This is my first time posting here but have been lurking on Mumsnet for a few months now as I love the advice that you can get about almost anything !
I am a 20 year old female and I am planning on losing my virginity soon and would really appreciate some advice on how to prepare , what to expect and how to ensure I have a good first experience.
Thank you in advance Smile

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 10/07/2017 23:41

Oh how exciting 🙂

Just try and enjoy it, if you like him it'll be fun

The words 'yes' and 'no' are very powerful, use them with confidence. Just because you've said it'll be your first time if it's painful or overwhelming just stop. Say 'can we stop for a minute please' and chill out and talk to each other. Take it at your own pace.

Nelly5678 · 11/07/2017 10:30

Don't plan romance. It'll suck. It will be awful and awkward. But you'll keep going back. And try not to get too embarrassed

Bunlicker · 11/07/2017 12:29

The op isn't isn't shagging a 16 year old boy, this man will hopefully know what he's doing and if anything it should all just feel good. Half of this thread makes it sound like she's preparing to give birth. That would scare the hell out of me

NotTheFordType · 11/07/2017 14:36

Yeah lube will help but if your vagina isn't accustomed to having anything in it then I'd recommend starting (on your own) with fingers, small toys, slightly larger toys, etc etc. When I lost my virginity I'd never put anything wider than a tampon up there (and even they used to hurt going in) and it was excruciating even though the bloke was pretty small. I bled for days. If only I'd heard of lube!! although it would be unlikely I'd have been carrying some around with me so I could bang a random on the school football field

dementedpixie · 11/07/2017 14:42

I've not used lube, am I wierd? I am in my 40s and have had several partners. Don't remember my first much as I was a bit pissed and then threw up straight after...not my finest moment!

MaidenMotherCrone · 11/07/2017 14:58

He needs to go gently with his fingers first, start with 1, then 2, then 3, slowly, carefully and gently so no thrusting. Use lube if you need to - it really helps.

3 FingersShock bloody hell 🔥, I've had 3 kids and can't get 3 fingers in preens at tightness of older lady vag

LilQueenie · 11/07/2017 15:04

doesn't have to be rubbish or painful first time. the real key is just letting it happen naturally dont plan for it. Personally my first time was the best. It was the working at it afterwards that brought the problems.

adifferentnameforthis · 11/07/2017 17:29

My first time didn't hurt at all, no lube, no sex toy or 3 finger practice

GladAllOver · 11/07/2017 19:08

I think a lot of painful first times are due to an excited teenage boyfriend needing to get it in quick before he ejaculates.
Hopefully an experienced, caring older man will be able to take his time and make sure you can enjoy it too.

Emboo19 · 11/07/2017 19:11

I've also never used lube for regular sex not even the first time.

tangledup123 · 11/07/2017 19:24

My first time wasn't painful or awful at all (except for a bit of blood), but I could barely walk for the next 24 hours - is that weird? I've also never felt the need to try lube, so I must be doubly weird.

OP as long as you've got condoms, you've told him you're a virgin and you know he's going to be respectful and gentle then that's all that matters. I wouldn't worry too much about all the advice and details on here. Just do what comes naturally.

Bunlicker · 11/07/2017 19:35

although it would be unlikely I'd have been carrying some around with me so I could bang a random on the school football fie

I'd say the quick shaggyness of it was the reason it hurt rather than the first timeyness.

Shocked by mothercronesvag. Dh can practically get up to his elbow. It's like he's trying to help birth a sheep

NotTheFordType · 11/07/2017 20:14

Look, some women have a wizards sleeve, some women have a pipe stem. It's irrelevant whether you've had kids or not. If it hurts trying to get a finger in, or a tampon, or a small dildo, then first time sex needs a lot of preparation and lube.

I wish to god I had a wizards sleeve TBH. I struggle with anything more than 2 fingers and I have to turn away a lot of clients who have large cocks.

GahBuggerit · 11/07/2017 20:22

Not sure if this thread is helpful at all with the sharing of experiences as such because everyone's first time is different. What you don't want op is a thread full of detail as it may give you unrealistic expectations either way.

You know where everything goes so just go with the flow, use contraception, and you'll be fine.

Original poster
Toastyteacakes · 11/07/2017 20:28

Thank you for your advice everyone ! I am definitely going to take things slow and just see how things progress. The most important things are that I am safe , comfortable and happy and I think I will be all of these when the time does come

OP posts:
Bunlicker · 11/07/2017 20:29

If it hurts trying to get a finger in, or a tampon, or a small dildo, then first time sex needs a lot of preparation and lube

I'd hope most women wouldn't do anything that hurt just because they could just about force it with enough lube. Piv isn't necessary for a happy sex life.

AkimboLimbo · 11/07/2017 21:25

Look, some women have a wizards sleeve, some women have a pipe stem.
Not only is that bollocks but they are offensive terms too.

I've had 3 kids and can't get 3 fingers in
Really? Are 3 fingers bigger than a penis?
No movement needed, it just provides a gentle stretch (assuming he is gentle)

user1471495191 · 11/07/2017 21:36

A lot of responses on this thread make me sad to read! My advice would be to take it slowly, take it gently, build up, start with touching/kissing/exploring each other's bodies. Let your partner guide but don't be afraid to tell them if you want to stop, pause, go slower/faster, do something more/less/different. My first time was carefully considered, with a serious boyfriend and was intimate, gentle and special. No pain, no blood, no issues. As far as I remember we just gradually built up and took things further step by step.

AceholeRimmer · 11/07/2017 22:26

I was 24 and had vaginismus so was very nervous of the pain, so (after 9 months of dry humping!) we literally went inch by inch verrrrry slowly until he was fully inside. Lots of lube, a bit of alcohol, don't tense any muscles down there.. after a few minutes it felt great and we were banging away Grin You'll be fine, good luck OP!

AceholeRimmer · 11/07/2017 22:30

Bunlicker It hurts for most at first but then turns into pleasure. A sex life full of PIV is worth that small moment of discomfort at the beginning.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 11/07/2017 22:31

Bloody hell the advice on here- 'will feel like it's going into your anus,3 fingers etc' WTAF?!Shock

Take it slow OP, be safe and don't do anything you aren't happy with. Have funSmile

AkimboLimbo · 11/07/2017 23:11

I don't understand what is wrong with 3 fingers?
2 fingers is fine but 3 is somehow horrific?
It's smaller than a penis. If it hurts - stop but if that hurts then so will a penis.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 11/07/2017 23:14

No that's not true at all to say if you can't have 3 fingers in you then you won't manage a penis.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 11/07/2017 23:22

I don't get all these comments about the first time not being good Confused

My first time (with my now DH; we lost our virginities together) was so good I wanted to do it again straight away!

CuriosityDoor · 12/07/2017 04:47

Have a wee after, it can help avoid cystitis

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.

Swipe left for the next trending thread