Why can't I say no

[toomuchshit]

Last night I was out the back talking to my neighbour. He had in the past made comments by message but I thought it was just banter. Well last night he was asking to see my breasts. I kept saying no but he kept asking. I was saying it in a friendly way so he obviously though I was just joking or something. I ended up just agreeing to let him in and he started kissing me. I didn't push him away because I had got myself into this position. He took my top off and touched me. I just let him. I know next time he will want more and I don't know what to do. Saying no doesn't work. I found that out the hard way

TDH I reported your comment for victim blaming. Read the MN rules and myths. It is never OPs responsibility to say no more forcefully or fight him off. You told her to take responsibility for her own actions. That she allowed him to do it.

THAT IS RAPEY RUBBISH. DON'T BE THAT MAN. DON'T MAKE IT HER FAULT FOR NOT FIGHTING HARDER. and yes, I am shouting. You've been told twice, and now three times, what you said, do you get it yet??

You are trying to protect yourself by making yourself small and quiet, and letting them get on with it. It's not a bad strategy and has saved lives before. But it isn't working for you now. It's time to shout and scream and make their lives hell!

But nobody would believe me here, he's well known and his wife is pretty scary too. If I did decide to do anything it will be once I've moved from here.

It sounds to me as if you have been groomed by your arse of a neighbour. Do not go out and talk to him op. Avoid avoid avoid and have no contact with him at all ever! You are allowed to do this you know you can say NO... come on now you can do it.

Just off the phone to rape crisis. I know i wasn't raped but it brought all those memories and feelings back. They are referring me to an advocate who will help me with practical things and my options

Well done OP. That's a brilliant first step. Hope you get the help and support you need.

Well done. You need a few people on your side telling you it's ok.

I'm a bloke OP.
This guy sounds like a knob.
So pleased you're seeing an advocate.
He's no man, he has no respect.
You're getting help, that's the priority.

You don't deserve this.

Aridane The op explained that in her other posts, though, so you didn't need to ask again, and op didn't need to explain again.

The op is the victim here, and when you ask "why did you...?" of the victim in that way, you are placing the blame on the victim. In this case, your "why did you let him in" you are really saying, "had you not let him in, this wouldn't have happened" do you see?

I thought this forum was for free and open debate. It is...but you blamed the op for being assaulted, and MN don't allow that to stand.

This is absolutely not your fault!

He's a predator. You've been through so much already. I'm glad you've got help and keep going.

You talking to HA for a possible move?

Keep talking on here. You're not alone

OP this is harassment, you should speak to the HA to see if they can move you for that reason.

Hope you continue to get help. This IS NOT your fault.

I am trying to move. I keep being passed about. Im not actually being helped. Was told it could be months before I can move. I can't cope for that long. Im looking at private but they generally don't accept pets (id be lost without mine, couldn't have gotten through this without them) or DSS.

Say no.

As soon as he asks again, say no very firmly.

He asks again? Tell him you'll tell his wife.

If he still doesn't stop report him for sexual harassment.

Also ignore, don't engage.

I know it's difficult as I freeze when someone does something unexpected sexually to me but you need to nip this in the bud.

What part of the country are you in, OP?

Im in ayrshire. I dont care where I go I just need away

If I lived near you I'd go to visit you OP and give perv next door a telling off but live SW England.

Definitely aboid going out.

Could you mention to his wife he's been eying you up/flirting so she can look out for his behaviour?

She is scary, it will be turned around onto me. It will all be made out that its my fault. Thats why I can't stay here

Is that just your fear or is she quite intimidating?

Is there a big age gap?

No she is pretty intimidating at the best of times. Im actually older but I have a fear of confrontation. Always have

I understand.

Funnily enough in any other aspect than sexual I am the most feisty of people. Polite, but no nonsense

But if you put me in a sexual situation especially with being cornered in some way I'm a 13 year old getting felt up and scared to shout all over again, it's terrible.

It's like I know I'll be blamed no matter what - I should've always done better. Yet I'll be called names or potentially hurt. It's just easier to shut my eyes and think of something else. In some way it's less scary..