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Original poster

When I have sex with dh, I rarely orgasm.

49 replies

Kinderbonbon · 12/06/2017 14:09

And it's bothering me. He tries to stimulate but he is not great at it and he loses patience after a little while and he wants to get on with it. I have introduced a vib last week, it was nice an I was just about to come and he wanted to get on with it before I was done. I try to explain to him but he makes it hard. What can I do ?

OP posts:
HerOtherHalf · 12/06/2017 15:33

What can I do?

Tell him in no uncertain terms that sex is not just about his pleasure and if he continues to be so selfish he can just leave you out of it altogether.

It sounds like he just doesn't care what you're getting out of it and thus cannot be arsed making any effort for you. You're not just a hole for him to cum into so don't let him treat like you are.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 12/06/2017 15:38

You can find a man who puts your needs before his own. .

Fruitcocktail6 · 12/06/2017 15:45

Just use your vibrator, they're amazing. The selfish prick can look after himself, too.

Original poster
Kinderbonbon · 12/06/2017 15:48

He admitted he was lazy, me on the other hand I always give him bjs. The foreplay consist in him stroking my boobs, bit of play down there, me giving him oral..then I'm on my back until he comes. I have tried to chat with him, Saturday we did the deed and at the end he told me he did his best. I felt crushed.

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noego · 12/06/2017 16:32

Sometimes men need to learn. So they need a woman to teach them. Are you that woman and does he want to learn? Perhaps some MM sessions. Show him what, where and how long.

MsStricty · 12/06/2017 16:36

Unless he's willing to stop being lazy, then you're always going to have sub-par sex.

MrsTWH · 12/06/2017 19:55

Has it always been this way?

Brahms3rdracket · 12/06/2017 20:11

Fuck that. Where's your oral? I wouldn't ever want sex with DP if that was all the foreplay I received. It's no wonder you never reach orgasm.

He sounds awfully selfish and needs telling tbh.

AnyFucker · 12/06/2017 20:14

Well, he's shit in bed isn't he ?

I think you need to tell him in no uncertain terms what you need and if he still doesn't include your needs too I don't see much of a future for you

Gentlemen always make the lady's pleasure comes first. He should get off on your orgasm.

AnyFucker · 12/06/2017 20:14

Make sure

AlcoholandIrony · 12/06/2017 20:18

I always feel if I'm worried about taking too long, then it takes even longer or doesn't happen! He needs to be patient, he needs to show that he is interested in you having a good experience too.

Sex isn't like porn where a woman orgasms from penetrative sex OR in five minutes.

A really great long session where he's focusing all on you sounds like the ticket. But something tells me he's not that bothered if he doesn't get his rocks off.

Original poster
Kinderbonbon · 12/06/2017 20:23

I have sent him an email talking about how I feel and we just facetimed (he is abroad) and man I'm feeling so awkward and sick in the stomach. We have been together 10 years. At the beginning he used to give me oral then nothing...now he does play a bit down there and then get down to it. He now understands I have issue with it. He didn't have many partners before me and same for me but we should be comfortable with each other by now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kinderbonbon · 12/06/2017 20:24

I feel crap :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Kinderbonbon · 12/06/2017 20:25

He is probably repulsed by me and deep down I know it and that's why I never rocked the boat.

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WatchingFromTheWings · 12/06/2017 20:26

I was stuck for 14 years in a marriage where the sex was shit. He had no interest in whether I was enjoying it or not. Quick tickle of the nips then hopped on! I tried all sorts but he just wanted to get down to business.

In the end I told him if I don't cum, neither do you. Que 12 months of no sex.

In the end I left him (was also EA and financially abusive) and new DH completely the opposite!

AnyFucker · 12/06/2017 20:41

Oh no ! You are not repulsive !

Lots of men are shit in bed. It's no reflection on you. He is the inadequate one.

RandomMess · 12/06/2017 20:45

It's him! My partners have loved the satisfaction of making me orgasm, it's just as important to them as themselves...

AnyFucker · 12/06/2017 20:55

Even more so, RM !

RandomMess · 12/06/2017 21:25

AF indeed yes that has been mine experience tbh.

Brahms3rdracket · 12/06/2017 22:27

AF and Random talk sense, please listen. Repulsive is a man who hops on, humps away and only thinks of his own pleasure, not giving a hoot for your enjoyment. I can't believe you've tolerated 10 years of shit sex and you're the one feeling awful about it.

AkimboLimbo · 12/06/2017 22:52

Next time you are giving him oral, wait until he's really turned on then stop and tell him you're done now, roll over and go to sleep Grin

Seriously, you are not expecting too much, he is being lazy. Use the vibrator to make sure you are getting what you want out of sex and keep talking to him so he learns what he needs to do.

alltouchedout · 12/06/2017 23:08

But where's the fun if your partner isn't enjoying it? I'd hate to think dh wasn't liking what I did to him, in fact it would ruin sex for me. And he'd hate it if what he did wasn't any fun for me. What's the point if you don't both love it?

He's not repulsed he's bloody selfish! The problem isn't you. He can learn, learning can be fun, but he has to sort his mindset out first.

Buttonmushoomex · 13/06/2017 06:54

While he's away order yourself a Womanizer, and enjoy it.

You can orgasm in minutes with that thing.

Use the time to relax and see what you enjoy.

Don't feel bad about communicating on this. It still surprises me that women put up with selfish partners. I have another one who can't orgasm until I do, and who would take hours to make me feel good.

He's being completely bloody selfish.

TheNaze73 · 13/06/2017 07:53

He's being a selfish twat, as AF said earlier in the thread, he should be getting off on your orgasms

Original poster
Kinderbonbon · 13/06/2017 08:44

Well we had the chat, and I'm feeling the bit of dignity that I had left is completely gone.

OP posts:

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