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Sex

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Original poster

When I have sex with dh, I rarely orgasm.

49 replies

Kinderbonbon · 12/06/2017 14:09

And it's bothering me. He tries to stimulate but he is not great at it and he loses patience after a little while and he wants to get on with it. I have introduced a vib last week, it was nice an I was just about to come and he wanted to get on with it before I was done. I try to explain to him but he makes it hard. What can I do ?

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 13/06/2017 08:53

Why do you think he's repulsed by you?? That's an awful way for you to feel.

If he's shit in bed, that's on him, not you!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/06/2017 09:02

He sounds hopeless!

A man who is good on bed will really get off on pleasuring their partner.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 13/06/2017 09:02

**in bed

Brahms3rdracket · 13/06/2017 09:27

Why has your dignity gone after discussing your issues? It's awful that you're tolerating bad sex and feel you can't talk. Nothing will ever improve that way.

AnyFucker · 13/06/2017 09:35

What was his response ?

Original poster

Kinderbonbon · 13/06/2017 09:48

I will post at 13h when I'm back, thank you for your support !

OP posts:

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/06/2017 09:51

It is not you it is him. It is perfectly okay to say to him 'this is not working for me' - say to him from now on if you don't get to come nor does he. Hopefully he will wake up and work out what he needs to do but to be honest, I have been there and his lack of care about my needs slowly but surely ruined the relationship. I have now learnt it does not have to be this way and am now with someone with a whole different attitude!

This is no reflection on you!

Original poster

Kinderbonbon · 13/06/2017 12:46

So he said he didn't know I felt so strongly about it and that we should communicate more openly and honestly. The thing is I really tried but I stopped because I didn't want to appear pushy and desperate. I don't want him to do stuff he doesn't want to do. It's feeling so awkward having a big conversation about it. I had sort of accepted things wouldn't change and considered myself happy to have sex. He says he wants things to get better but what is the point if I know he is going to do things he doesn't enjoy.

OP posts:

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/06/2017 13:18

Giving him the benefit of doubt then maybe you can start afresh and learn a new way of sex?

You only really have three options...

Carry on the way you are

Show him what you want and tell him he needs to invest some time

Leave

Original poster

Kinderbonbon · 13/06/2017 14:14

I know we need to work on things, I'm just feeling so down, awkward by all of it. I just want these feelings to go away.

OP posts:

Farmerswifeupnorth81 · 13/06/2017 14:18

You are not repulsive. He needs to be patient and be a gentlemen and make darn sure you get your happy ending before he does. It's so selfish that he won't wait and just gets down to what he wants to do xx

HerOtherHalf · 13/06/2017 14:33

Don't feel awkward Kinderbonbon. If the two of you share enough intimacy for him to be inside your body you should be able to talk about it.
There is nothing whatsoever unreasonable about you wanting the experience to be as fulfilling for you as it is for him, quite the reverse, and he should damn well want you to enjoy it as much as him. I certainly get off on my wife getting off as much as I get off on me getting off, perhaps more so, and I very much doubt I'm unusual.

I don't know why you think you might be repulsive, maybe body confidence issues, but I can assure you if he found you repulsive he would not be able to achieve an erection with you.
Work together. Communicate. Keep letting him know how you feel. Make time together to rediscover your sex life with both of you trying new and different things, as long as you are both happy.

AnyFucker · 13/06/2017 17:05

That's a lovely post, HOH

Original poster

Kinderbonbon · 13/06/2017 17:34

I'm really touched by your post herotherhalf. I have sent this thread to dh

OP posts:

Vanillaisboring666 · 13/06/2017 17:47

Lovely post hoh

noego · 13/06/2017 18:04

Get him a cock ring. A tight one with a clit tickler.

HerOtherHalf · 13/06/2017 18:22

Get him a cock ring. A tight one with a clit tickler.

In time, but right now he needs to realise that her most sensitive erogenous zone is not between her legs, it's between her ears. If her mind feels sexy, the body will follow.

HerOtherHalf · 13/06/2017 18:30

I'm really touched by your post herotherhalf.

Thank you. I hope the two of you sort things out and enjoy rediscovering each other. You need to learn to love yourself too. You are beautiful, we all are. You just need to belief that simple truth. I'm not being mushy either, i truly believe that myself and beauty, as they say, is in the eye of the beholder.

Original poster

Kinderbonbon · 13/06/2017 19:47

HerOtherHalf - I really need to believe it, dh suggested date night and some massages, there is hope

OP posts:

HerOtherHalf · 13/06/2017 19:59

dh suggested date night and some massages, there is hope

That is great news. Maybe all the comments about him being selfish are a little misplaced. If he really was selfish he wouldn't be willing to make a go of it. Is it possible you're not the only one lacking in confidence?

kittybiscuits · 13/06/2017 20:03

So he said he didn't know I felt so strongly about it and that we should communicate more openly and honestly

You need to tell him that he is absolutely fucking rubbish at sex. Nowhere near an acceptable standard. He's very thick-skinned. It's the only way.

Ekphrasis · 13/06/2017 20:08

You could consider a subscription to omgyes? It's a really up front website about all the ways women like to be touched, you can (if you want to!) to practise on a screen (like an animation?!) and it's essentially about communicating what and how you like to be touched. It's for you mainly to then communicate to him but he might learn a lot too. It's a lot to get your head around at first but when you read it it makes much more sense. It's based on a lot of scientific research too, in how best to show partners how to do what you like.

Original poster

Kinderbonbon · 14/06/2017 07:49

Ek - are you using that website ? I have been playing with the idea for month. Once we have passed the awkwardness it's something that could be useful.

OP posts:

Ekphrasis · 15/06/2017 20:16

Well I signed up and 'explored' it for a bit. Sadly life and work pushed it down the priority list. Perhaps I should look again!

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