Guy I'm sleeping with never gets fully hard - is this common?

[PineappleFwitters]

I've been seeing a guy for a several months now. The sex is really good but one thing I've noticed is that he never seems to get fully hard. It doesn't affect his ability to be able to get it in me but it's not something I've encountered before so have no idea if it's normal or not! He also had to drink a can of Red Bull before we had sex last time (though he was getting over a cold then) and can only do it once a night. Seems that once spent he can't get it up again - something else I've not encountered in a man before.

He's only early 30s and doesn't take drugs or any medication so I have no idea whether not getting totally hard is common in men or not!

No idea. Is it really that good with a semi?

It isn't a semi. He gets fully erect but not as ramrod-hard as guys I've been with in the past. At the risk of TMI, my ex literally felt like an iron bar when erect!

Does he drink a lot?

I've slept with quite a number of blokes and only encountered it very occasionally when the bloke was pissed.

Probably no more than an average guy. Certainly when we've met up he's either been sober or had a couple drinks max.

I guess it's possible he doesn't get as much blood flow as needed for some anatomical reason. Does he seem to realise there's a problem or does he just think that's normal?

Obviously I've never mentioned it so not sure what he thinks! The not being able to do it more than once a night is also not something I'd come across before. All the guys I've been with before needed a bit of a break but were rearing to go within an hour or so! He says that when he was in his 20s he used to be able to go 4-5 times in one night but now, even if I try to touch his cock after sex to try and turn him on again, he moves my hand away and says it won't be happening as he cant get it up again. He's pretty good with his hands and mouth so I don't push it but it does seem odd that at his age he'd need the whole night to recover.

Is he a smoker?

Could be something physiological or psychological.

Men, believe it or not can have an orgasm flaccid, semi erect and obviously fully erect.

I guess you either mention it and he goes and sees a dr or you decide you can cope if he's good with his hands, etc and don't say anything.

Nope not a smoker either. It's a mystery I guess! It isn't a huge deal as he can still do it and the sex is good, but I suppose I was just curious to know if it was unusual or not.

Is he diabetic or on anti depressants?

I think it's strange him not getting fully hard and that he can only do it once a night ? My dh is in his 40s and can go again after 5 mins and it's always ram rod hard when he wakes on a morning. Sounds like your new bloke has erecting problems. Although they don't sound serious it does sound as tough he should have it investigated before it gets worse ? Are you sure he isn't on any medication or taking steroids or something ? ( he probably isn't but it can cause erectile problems so worth noting )

He has suffered from depression in the past (due to losing a parent) so I guess it's within the realms of possibility that he's on ADs. He trains a lot and lifts weights but I doubt he takes steroids. Maybe I need to sneak a look inside his bathroom cabinet the next time I'm there...

If he's taking anti-depressants this will affect him, I had an ex it did.

I wouldn't say it was normal.

DH is in his early fifties and hard as always. Can go again within an hour if necessary, but can't say we often bother! Good enough first time thanks.

My DH has a refractory period of about a day too. Always has done. I thought blokes who could do it several times a night were an urban myth!! Naive

I once went out with a 21yo and our record was 5 times in one day!

A guy I was seeing was like this too. Never really got hard, he could go maybe twice in a night, second time would be quite soft when he came . Didnt seem to bother him, he was quite err quick off the mark too.

On the other hand another ex could get hard if the wind changed and go all night, but was quite difficult to make climax sometimes. Cant win haha.

ah. Steroids. Right.

Pretty sure it's not steroids - he's well-built but not overly muscled. I've not seen as much as a protein shake in his flat so don't think he'd pop pills. Then again I guess you never can tell!

I'd say it isnt in the normal range. It may be linked to lifestyle eg alcohol,smoking,etc .I'm older than that ,still get rock hard nd can hold it and repeat.

if he is taking anything it will be at the gym or in his gym bag.

Sorry OP, you mentioned the gym and that he worked out and that was what came to mind as steroids do cause that problem..

I've only encountered it with one guy. An ex who unfortunately had a little bit of a drug habit.

DP has never been able to go twice but then he has smoked weed for the last 20 years! With the hardness it sounds like thats the norm for him.. I agree with others that maybe he gets less blood flow?

Interesting. I had this with one partner, who was a gym bunny AND a weed smoker.