Guy I'm sleeping with never gets fully hard - is this common?

[PineappleFwitters]

I've been seeing a guy for a several months now. The sex is really good but one thing I've noticed is that he never seems to get fully hard. It doesn't affect his ability to be able to get it in me but it's not something I've encountered before so have no idea if it's normal or not! He also had to drink a can of Red Bull before we had sex last time (though he was getting over a cold then) and can only do it once a night. Seems that once spent he can't get it up again - something else I've not encountered in a man before.

He's only early 30s and doesn't take drugs or any medication so I have no idea whether not getting totally hard is common in men or not!

Most steroids will increase libido when being used. It's generally once use is stopped that problems can set in as there is a high risk of hormonal imbalance which can potentially never self-correct. There are a lot of other possible causes though - naturally low testosterone or high estrogen, poor circulation, meds, psychological issues, drinking, smoking, poor diet, stress etc. If it's bad enough to be a concern he should really refer to his GP. I wouldn't say only being up for it once a night or not being as hard as an iron bar is sufficient for medical intervention though.

Hmm, I am seeing him later this week so will see if I can "persuade" him to go two rounds. Though the weird thing is that he doesn't even want to be touched there after sex, just says "it's done for the night" and won't let me touch him. I'd be quite happy to give it a go though!

Now, for me once a day and I am 'done' and asleep!

wonders what else I have been doing wrong all these years

You say he doesn't take any drugs or medication. Are you sure he's not taking those awful anti-hair loss pills and not telling you?

He has a full head of hair that seems to be natural. I'm definitely inspecting the contents on the bathroom cabinet when I get to his this week!

I suspect high sex drive led to porn and a feeling of performance needed...

I'm not sure about penis hardness, but regarding the only being able to do it once a night I don't think that's too unusual. My dp isn't a repeater, he takes hours before he can go again and he's always been like that. His orgasms are bloody massive though so that may explain it.

My SIL works in a sexual health clinic and says increasingly younger men are coming in with erectile dysfunction caused by porn addiction. They've basically rewired their brains to only get turned on by porn so they can't do it for a real woman anymore.

He has said in the past that he's anti-porn as it gives people unrealistic expectations but he could of course have been lying to get me in the sack!

Ah.. Yes.. The voice of Experience!

He needs to reconnect with proper arousal.. Person centred, not body centred.. And led by body, not mind,!

Well I saw him again the other night. Had a rummage around in the bathroom cabinet and found no evidence of medication.

The hardness issue was a bit better than usual but he did manage it twice so that was an improvement. He seems to think once a night is to be expected as he's "getting old" (33) and I didn't have the heart to tell him it's not always the case!!

Erm, some pretty offensive comments here.

My DH has erectile dysfunction. It is an actual medical condition which is not caused by porn ffs He has also suffered from depression and had some autoimmune issues. I suspect these things are related. His consultant prescribes him Viagralike pills to help with ttc. They have not found a physical cause for DH but apparently it is often cardio related.

I suspect he absolutely knows, as he is making comments about getting older and pushing your hand away. It can be hugely distressing for men. DH is massively self conscious about it. You either need to accept he is like this or end it. Please don't try to "persuade" him to have sex a 2nd time if he can't physically - how humiliating.

My dh is 33 and he wouldn't want it twice. Neither would I, I guess we're lazy

This doesn't bode well for the future, I'm afraid.

Yeah I agree, mainly because it seems he just wants an FWB situation and I can't be doing with that as it'll fuck with my head too much

It's very rare for me to get 'ramrod hard', mostly it's more like 80%, which seems to work ok for both. DW does notice the difference, though she thinks it's as much the hardness as because it's noticeably bigger. Last time while changing positions I put my hand round it and I thought I'd grabbed somebody else's cock by mistake (there was nobody else there).

No idea why it's harder/bigger on these occasions, but we don't have any problems generally. Regardless, size doesn't seem to matter (within limits) and DW always comes multiple times in a session, I haven't done that since mid 20's.

It, i expect, is the way he is no more no less. There is a turgidity IIRC scale of measurement that can be used to asses the degree of ED. TMI i know but when younger i used to be rock hard but that has lessened through the years since 50 or so, but hard as maybe once maybe twice a night was about all that could be expected mind you the once was quite something very shall we say explosive in nature,. Now mid 60's can still do it unaided with a willing partner but now more often than not chemical rocket boosters are needed to obtain lift off!.

Don't pressurize him, too much it is a very awkward subject for most all men their "potency". He might benefit from some medical checks some drugs especially anti hypertensives can and do cause ED but it can then become a "problem" where perhaps he didn't think there was one. Plus the advent of ready available porn where most of it is far removed to what normally goes in between most couples.

As long as he attends to the most sexual part of the woman in question her brain, then all should be well:-)

I knew a guy who could only ejaculste max twice a week so the latter not strange.

Is he definitely not as erect or is he more fleshy ?

Maybe more fleshy I guess. Not the biggest I've had but average sized. Haven't heard from him for several days though so not sure I'll see him again. Shame as I liked him but it would be too hard (ahem) for me to do FWB.

Remember there are other things you can do other than PIV. But yes, if it's too hard work (see what I did there) then it's probably not a winner.

If he is more overweight it might be that it's more fatty itswim?

I've only slept with two men but touched/seen a few more and I find very athletic men tend to have the most rigid of peni.

I think it's fairly unusual. DP is 40 and we still happily have sex 2-3 (sometimes 4-5) times a day especially on weekends! I'm currently pregnant so enjoying it while we still have the energy! Lol