Pegging - I don't want to do it

[lottieandmia]

I'm a submissive woman so the idea of doing this is a real turn of. A guy I've slept with in the past thinks he can talk me into it. I hate the idea and tbh i don't want to see him again now. I've told him he needs to find a more dominant woman.

He says men who want this are not sub but that's not right is it?

Topping from the bottom is when the sub covertly controls the Dom beyond the necessary rules of limits and safewords.

I read a brilliant piece written by a dom on stuff like this - basically subs really struggling with what seem like really dominant acts. It's basically saying what ginky and cricket are saying above, that if it's a demand by the dom, it's not submissive.

But...if pegging isn't for you, don't do it. Unless of course you enjoy being made to do things you don't want to do. In which case - win win.

Op don't do it and be very aware that if he keeps trying to talk you into it then he's using coercion and it's an abuse of your boundaries. Don't let him use the fact you are submissive to push you into a situation you aren't happy in and that is outside what you are prepared to do.

No. I'm submissive (only sexually!) and couldn't do it! Surely you need to discuss what you're both comfortable with or not comfortable with and decide if the relationship is for you.

unless of course you enjoy being made to do things you don't want to do

A true Dom never makes a sub do something that they really, truly do not wish to do. That's really what separates a Dom from an abuser.

The key word there is "enjoy" yorick

I said if she enjoys being made to do things. That's not abuse. There's consent there.

Related question, I've always considered women as submissive, I've literally no experience but in my head men are in the "powerful" dominant position by default so how can women become dominant would it be on top/ giving orders/ instructions.

Sorry for the stupid question which is probably obvious

Well fuck me.

Learn new things on MN all the time!

@ShakingAndShocked

Well, depends actually. I've only heard it used in 2 contexts (and that wasn't in English... So, eh).

1. A dominant person that simply likes to be penetrated, usually in a homosexual context. So, literally the top that's (potentially...) on the bottom. But not necessarily...
2. The 2nd one is very bdsm and somebody with more experience than just being "slightly kinky" should probably explain. Plus, there's so many opinions on this. But it's basically when the submissive partner tries to dominate the scene, like provoking a reaction, for example.

A true Dom never makes a sub do something that they really, truly do not wish to do. That's really what separates a Dom from an abuser.

So much this.

It's really all about consent. I've never met any community so goshdarn obsessed with consent as the bdsm community. Although there are certainly black sheeps/abusers that try to mask their abuse as bdsm (which it isn't!)

how can women become dominant would it be on top/ giving orders/ instructions

Just think about what a male dom does. Then imagine that he's a woman. That's it.

I'm not sure it's just about being submissive either to be honest. I would imagine there maybe a sexual orientation element to it as well.

I would think that the vast majority of heterosexual women would not find that act stimulating at all; it's counter intuitive if you female and heterosexual. It probably appeals to a tiny proportion of heterosexual women who are naturally dominant.

Another one who was expecting this to be a row about who put the tent up at Glastonbury

how can women become dominant would it be on top/ giving orders/ instructions

Nothing to do with being on top. Usually more along the lines of giving orders, but to be honest it varies so wildly. BDSM is so broad, PIV often barely features, if at all. (Very few professional dominatrices offer sexual services.) There's many, many more things that you can do which express a dominant/submissive dynamic.

I'm a heterosexual woman and tend to be sexually submissive. I would have absolutely no problem doing this if my partner enjoyed it. And yes, I would find it arousing. Arousing my partner arouses me.

I would think that the vast majority of heterosexual women would not find that act stimulating at all; it's counter intuitive if you female and heterosexual.

The very fact that it's opposite to what we would expect and turns certain assumptions and expectations on their heads is what makes it appealing to a lot of people. I suspect the number of women who are into it is probably a minority, but I don't think it's some vanishingly tiny fraction.

I would think that the vast majority of heterosexual women would not find that act stimulating at all; it's counter intuitive if you female and heterosexual. It probably appeals to a tiny proportion of heterosexual women who are naturally dominant

I think you'd be surprised how many heterosexual couples enjoy this and that not all of the women are naturally dominant.

Mangos

I like having very "vanilla sex" and I sometimes really like being submissive.

Anyhow. It is possible that being bi has made me a bit more open to certain things, simply because I've seen some different perspectives of sexual relations. So there may be a sexual orientation element, yes.

DH is usually quite dominant (which is great, it's awesome to relax) and yet he likes prostate stimulation. I sometimes like doing what he tells me to do. He sometimes likes pegging. So... Yeah. That's basically all there is to it in that context.

If we're "just" having regular sex pegging is usually not really a thing we do (who goes through the whole thing just for a "quick romp"?...)
But I had an ex that loved penetrative vaginal sex, so I used a strap on on several occasions. I had a lot of fun. Nothing "bdsm-y" about it.

What this loong ramble is meant to say: Using a strap on can be submissive. It can also be "just" sex without any bdsm. And it can also be about dominating somebody, yes.

And no, it's not counterintuitive to my female and generally quite submissive personality at all.

*sexuality, not personality :D

Nothing to do with hanging washing out then....?

Ah good. Somebody else who clicked on a title in trending and discovered laundry is not the beginning and ending of pegs.

Trending is a sod. It can feel like picking up a nice safe copy of vintage Family Circle.... only to discover a rather different magazine got stapled inside the cover.

I always thought the sex threads didn't show up in active after the big fisting hoo ha. Clearly i got that wrong.

I would think that the vast majority of heterosexual women would not find that act stimulating at all; it's counter intuitive if you female and heterosexual.

Counter intuitive?

I find vaginal penetration counter intuitive, as there's a risk of pregnancy if a penis is involved, it can be uncomfortable, and the clitoris is on the outside, easily stimulated without penetration.

Whereas a strap on ... I haven't tried it, but I assume it would be fastened somewhere close to the vulva, where you could get stimulation from it.

At worst, you'd get no stimulation from it, and just make your partner happy without it causing you any discomfort, which is also nice. So, why counter intuitive?

(For the record, I identify as heterosexual. And I don't think it has anything to do with sexual orientation, other than not being hetero perhaps makes you more open-minded about trying something other than PiV.)

It wouldn't turn me on, but I think I'd find it interesting and also not a difficult request to fulfill. But I've never been asked!

As with all things sexual, if you don't feel comfortable it's fine to say no. you don't need a reason.

Jim

Don't know about active convos (or the big fisting, which is fine by me) (fine about not knowing about the big fisting, not the big fisting is fine by me. Just thought I'd make that clear)

But it is in trending where the topic doesn't get stated. Hence the confused people who came for a laundry dilemma and found a .... not laundry related dilemma.

I'm submissive. There's no way I'd get involved in pegging. While I am aware it does not make a man submissive, in my eyes, I could only see it as a submissive act, and no amount of 'dom telling sub to do it' would change that opinion.

I'm massively turned off by submissive men, and therefore I wouldn't want anything to do with pegging.

So, why counter intuitive?

Er... because it is form and substance physically fucking and penetrating a male with a pseudo male member. Probably not top of the list of things your average heterosexual women is turned on by either mentally or visually.

That's not to say a dominant woman might like it or it that it might be exciting in itself for some straight women, but once we've all climbed down from the politically correct horse of indignation, let's just be a little be realistic. It's not going to be a mainstream turn on in heterosexual female population group.