Does anyone else orgasm by squeezing their legs together? Help needed!

[ChewingGumIsNice]

So the way that I make myself come is by lying on my side, squeezing my kegels and my thighs together and sort of rocking rhythmically. I've never been able to come by direct stimulation, either myself or with a partner or with toys. I either feel nothing at all or it is way too sensitive and hurts.
My DH and I gave up on trying because it became counter intuitive (too much pressure on me to come meant that it was not going to happen and just put me off sex). But lately I want to get back in to trying to orgasm with DH again.
I know I have to stop doing this leg squeezing thing and retrain my body to orgasm in a different way. So what I'd like to know is - if anyone else is able to orgasm in this leg squeezing way, as well as with manual stimulation, what is it that they do? I mean is there a certain position that works well? I think I must be wired differently from most women because so many people say they come through oral sex but honestly I either feel nothing or it is way too sensitive. So what could work for someone who usually comes through leg squeezing?!!
Also how long does it usually take? I've tried various things but I just get bored and also my skin can end up feeling sore. Plus I know that by doing the leg squeezing thing I can come in a couple of minutes (or less!) so I just give up and do that!
I can get close by manual stimulation now but it always gets to a point where my legs involuntarily clamp together and my / DH's hand gets crushed and is unable to move!
Please tell me someone else has had this and has overcome it!

Why not lie on you side spooning with dh, do exactly as you are but dh has his a finger pressed gently on the top of your clit. He doesnt move it, you your thing.

You could try missionary but rather than in/out thrusting, dh is sort of on his haunches using and up/down motion so the shaft rubs your clit. He can alter the pressure/ go fast/slow as needed.

Thanks. The spooning idea sounds perfect. Ive thought about it before but (and I know this sounds absolutely ridiculous) I've never been able to explicitly say this is what I want to do.
With a previous boyfriend, he wanted to watch me masturbate and when I showed him what I do, he was really horrible about it. Said I was weird etc. so it put me off sharing this with anyone else, even my DH.
But I think now I've got to a stage where I just have to get over it and take charge of my own orgasm (I have been learning a lot of positive thinking from reading mumsnet!)
It's like what you said about my DH staying still while we're spooning - honestly it would never have occurred to me that I could even say something like that to him. I think a big part of the problem is that I don't know if I will actually orgasm so I don't feel able to say "I want to do this and you have to do that" because I don't know if it will actually lead to an orgasm and then it will either be a spectacular anti-climax or it will just go on too long and I will get sore. That's how it was at the beginning of our relationship and it was really awful.
Anyway, I will definitely give the spooning a go and tell him exactly what I'm trying to do and want him to do. Thanks again!

This is exactly me. I find pressing flat over the hood of the clitoris rather than directly on it bearable, and even kind of pulling the outer labia together so that acts as a cushion too. Sounds mad but it works! Gradually it got less sensitive, but it seems to go in cycles. I also find that as soon as there's any PIV, I can no longer feel that feeling at all, so it's either orgasm before that or not at all...

Before ... or after PIV. Just sayin'

I guess if he was up for it, you could try lying on top of him with PIV and sort of trying your kegel leg thing that way? You may squeeze the life out of him of course!

Oh, just one thing, it sounds as if you are putting yourself under some pressure to perform to orgasm (afraid that it takes too long or you won't 'get there' after all the 'fuss'). I would encourage you to say that you would like to try something, just to see how it feels. If it works, fine, if now, move a bit and change the experience with something else. It might be worth trying a toy held quite far away form the epicenter, too. Mostly, though, enjoy the experiencing and see how it goes.

Finallyhere
Yes that's been the problem with DH (afraid that it takes too long or you won't 'get there' after all the 'fuss') and afraid of looking totally stupid because of my prior partner's reaction! But I'm in my early 30s now and I've decided I really have to get over those feelings. Also after reading stuff on here I've realised how everyone is different and it was my old boyfriend that was ridiculous in his reaction rather than me!
The thing with toys is that I've bought a few in the past (because they seem to work for everyone else that has trouble climaxing) but they just don't do anything for me at all and so it's a waste of money and makes me feel even more down about it.
Wherearemymarbles* and buckingfrolicks*
I've tried the altered missionary and the lying on top but my clit feels too exposed and excruciatingly sensitive (painful) with this.** I think the spooning idea is perfect for PIV but I just have to get over my hang ups and explain it to DH first - when I've tried to cross my legs and squeeze spontaneously, my DH seems to think I'm changing position or getting up or whatever and he moves too.
Albadross
Yes I think you get exactly what I mean! Because when I've tried to figure out what I'm stimulating by the leg squeezing and then do it manually, it does end up with a sort of squeezing my labia together and being able to stimulate my clit deeply. That does give me the same feelings but I've never been able to get myself all the way there by doing that. Can you tell me how long it takes you to do it that way? Of course I'm sure you're not looking at a clock but I mean is it a lot longer than with the leg squeezing? Like twice as long or ten times as long?!

Sorry it was supposed to people's usernames in bold, not my writing. There's nothing significant about my writing that's in bold!

You need to be able to communicate.
I went to boarding school and in my gap year overseas aged 19 met a 26 year old woman. 2nd time we had sex I took a very deep breath, swallowed my pride and asked where her clitoris was.....
her method of masturbation was to lie on her back, a finger each side of her outer labia, middle finger over her clitoris and cross her legs and rock gently.

Also we are all wired differently. I suspect you need up/down motion others might prefer round and round but really you need confidence to ask what you want.

After 24 years together my wife will still say if she wants faster/slower/ harder/softer as what works one day might not work the next!

Oh and my wife doesnt like vibrators at all either so nothing odd there!

Thanks. That's really interesting you met someone who masturbated with crossed legs! I've mentioned this to some friends and no one knows what I'm talking about!
Also good to know I'm not the only one that doesn't like vibrators! Whenever this sort of subject comes up with friends, the solution always seems to be oral sex and vibrators but neither of those do anything for me.
And yes, communication is probably the biggest problem rather than anything physical. The thing is, for the last 7 years I haven't really had the incentive to work on this. I went on the pill and my sex drive disappeared. Then we had kids and it felt like an achievement just to be able to have sex, I really wasn't worried about orgasming. But now I've finished breastfeeding and not on hormonal contraception so my libido is through the roof. So hopefully this will give me the incentive to get over my hang ups and say what I need! DH is away for work at the moment so will have to wait to try the spooning.

Have you tried lying flat on top of your DP and thrusting as though you were the man in the missionary position? It takes a while to get right and does require a large penis though.

Op I don't orgasm this way, but it certainly is part of the warm up.

Have you thought of scissoring your partner while he penetrates you?

I lie on my side and DP kneels or squats against me, while penetrating sometimes. I have one leg between his legs and the other over his hip and wrapped round his back. This means his thigh is between my legs and I can rub on it while we move.

Try it!

Hope I'm allowed to post this...it's the first one.

http://www.mensjournal.com/expert-advice/10-sex-positions-that-will-get-her-off-every-time-20150813/scissors

Have you tried laying on your tummy, with your dh behind you? You should be able to squeeze your legs together and the rocking motion against the bed, or try a pillow under you, might work.
Or try him on his side and you lay with your legs over his hips, you could easily cross your legs and squeeze in this position.

Most importantly just have fun with it, move around during and see what works. Don't be afraid to ask your dh to move one way or another and I'm sure you'll find something that works for you.

Kineticmagnetic
What you describe sounds perfect in my head and I've tried it but in reality it's much too sensitive on my skin so I can't do it for long enough.

Ineedmorelemonpledge
Thanks for the article. The picture doesn't seem to match with what you described though because the man and woman are both lying down and she's on her back. But rubbing against his thigh, like you described, sounds good so I will keep trying to figure it out!

Emboo19
Yeah I've tried lying on my tummy with DH behind me and it probably is a really good position for me but I've never been brave enough to say "hang on, stop moving for a minute while I do this thing!"
The other position you mentioned sounds good too.

So basically I've got loads of great ideas for positions now and I just need to find my voice! I've never been afraid to say I want this or that position. It's more that I haven't been able to say I want to do this leg squeezing thing. I have tried to just do it sometimes but DH always seems to interpret it as me fidgeting and trying to change positions and so he moves too! It's just because of the other guy from absolutely years ago making me feel like a complete weirdo that I haven't wanted to risk spelling it out again! And now that I'm writing all this down I'm really mad that I've let that one horrible man affect me so much!

You could also lie on your side, aka spooning but instead of lying horizontally behind you he is sitting up. Would work if the bed was the right height, ie you are on the edge of the bed and he is kneeling on the floor. That way your legs can squeeze as much as they like

Yes the picture is slightly different, I lie on my side with DP kneeling, but the woman's legs are basically in the right place if you were to flip the guy in the picture upright - she'd be lying on her side.

Wherearemymarbles Thanks for the spooning variation idea!
Ineedmorelemonpledge i looked at the picture again, flicked the guy upright and now I get it! Did you end up in that position naturally (like just listening to what your body was telling you that you needed) or did you see it somewhere and want to try it?

We just end up like that sometimes

Normally in the course of a leisurely session we move through about 4 or 5 positions for mutual enjoyment.

Depends on energy levels (mine) too though!

I make my DP sometimes just spoon with me, my legs together, and no penetration but kind put his penis between my legs and rubbing his penis up and down from top to bottom very very slowly.

I don't like vibrators either

In fact I choose spoon sex over any other position

Kikikaakaa
I love doing that too!
Also when I read your message again I noticed you said "very very slowly." With DH working away at the moment, I've been trying to experiment and work out exactly what I'm stimulating when I'm doing the squeezing and see if I can replicate that with fingers. Last night I had a sort of lightbulb moment and realized that I need very very slow movement - it's a squeeze and hold movement. But in my head I like fast and furious so there's a complete discrepancy between what my imagination wants and what my body actually needs so I think that's where it's been going wrong! It seems so silly to write it down but the thing is I climax super quickly doing the legs crossed and squeeze thing so I just hadn't realized that what I'm doing is actually very very slow movements! It's probably just a few squeezes but the key thing seems to be firm pressure and holding it.

It really depends - the sensitivity is totally different depending on hormones, which is really annoying! I usually can predict if it's going to happen at all or not though, and in most relationships I've had I just haven't even bothered trying to explain

I do have a Durex 'Play' vibrator (see attached photo - old style in the shape of the Starship Enterprise with a flat round disc) which has a little lip of rubber at the top that if you use very gently, almost not even touching, is pretty effective.

Slow snail like movements here too. In fact very very slow penetration can be the key. Very slow, spoon position. Being TMI but also him going deep in then pulling out slowly all the way (spoons doesn't seem to get too much air in in this method!). It has to be well lubricated for me too (naturally or otherwise!)

The orgasm gels on the market are really good, you could try one? I love them!

I like fast too but will never orgasm that way. Ever!

TMI warning (me trying not to be prudish is hard, why?!!) Other subject is oral... have you tried this way with your DH? My BF has perfected this without a crap ton of over stimulation as well, by leaving 2 fingers inside me, then very very slow lazy licks over the whole area (so not just in one concentrated part)

For some reason slow sex or slow stimulation drives me insane. I can't work out exactly why, it just triggers something in my brain. I have wondered if it's because fast/hard feels quite animalistic and slow slow slow feels almost like I want it really badly, but can't have it... I'm holding back, it's like more naughty?!! I think it's erotic done right. BF said he had never had slow sex like that and it's very powerful