How does sex happen?

[ohsomany]

Just that really. I'd really like to know from other married couples or long term couples who have been together for a long time, how does sex happen for you? Like is it pre arranged? Or do you both go to bed at the same time and one of you just starts touching and then sex happens?
What if one of you is usually sleeping before the other one? How do you manage a sex life?
My DH never asks for sex, it's always me and I usually drop hints or have to outwright ask him. 😳
Makes me wonder if other couples just go to bed together every night and it just happens.

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18 years together. We have a mildly Dom/Sub relationship, which means sex is always instigated by me. That's part of our "gig", whether it's full on sex or a bj while I watch TV it's at my instigation.
What if one of you is usually sleeping before the other one? Cavewoman handed 100% consent to me, so I would wake her.

If my hubbie woke me for sex it would be the sofa for him!

If she leaves her curlers out and teeth in when we go to bed, I know I'm in luck!

'bj while I watch TV' - nice 😳😠

An element of pre-planning. Usually on more relaxed evenings, (ie towards the end of the week / weekend).

Some decent telly before hand helps the mood - by which I mean no crappy reality tv / knockout shows etc - and definitely no news.

Little bit of alcohol, but not too much.

@belu - wouldn't suit me either - I like to concentrate on my TV..

I usually back out of pre-arranged sex. Spontaneity is the key for us. Normally leads to the best kind sex that way, too.

Sometimes it's spontaneous, sometimes it's planned. Quite often my wife will go to bed before me and when she says goodnight she might give me little hints that she isn't expecting to sleep through. There is also that thing that might be called pre-foreplay foreplay. You know, when you give your partner kisses, cuddles and maybe a massage, sensual but not sexual. If they are in the mood for taking things further they will let you know, if they don't just continue to enjoy the non-sexual intimacy together.

One of says to the other "shall we fuck?" Or something. Then if the other is keen we do. And if not we don't.

If the babies are asleep and we are not then usually a little cuddling, touching (over the pjs nothing too fancy) and if neither of us falls asleep it might progress to kissing, then if the babies are still asleep we each take a leg out of the pjs and dtd! Occasionally if we are being v adventurous we may do full on pj trouserless sex...

So glad to know romance isn't dead...!

Should that made me LOL.
I wish it would happen more naturally but I've been known to text him from the bed when he's still awake downstairs and ask him to come to bed for a shag 😳

We go to bed at different times but prob go to sleep at same time. I think if either of us are horny we try it on with each other. Not always him and not always me. If we are in the living room we usually start kissing and leads

bj while I watch TV' - nice 😳😠

Works for us belu1. Obviously its only a small part of our relationship, we have a wide and varied life.

ohsomany that sounds romantic like a modern day love notes...

You shouldn't have to ask yourself how. If you both have desire it just does. Does he have libido issues?

I've been with my dh 13 years (married for 7). We have one lo (18 months). Before lo sex was a mix between spontaneous and planned. Since lo, it's nearly 100% planned. By planned, I mean one of us will say 'when shall we have sex?' And then we plan an evening. It sounds super unromantic but actually it works well for us. It keeps our sex life going and takes the guess work out of it and because we always agree a time, we know we're both up for it and no one gets rejected.

We must be slightly odd as can count on the fingers of one hand and still have a couple spare how many times we have sex in the evening during the course of a year. So it tends to be the mornings when not to much is going on - ie the weekend!!

We had prearranged it this evening 😂 But we have 3 young children and had wanted to earlier in the day. Usually one of us starts kissing and touching the other; or one of us just straight out asks the other if they want to. Not rocket science and works for us.

I've never really thought about it to be honest, it just happens.
This morning, DD went back to sleep and I went to get a shower and asked him if he wanted to join me, he did.
We do tend to go to bed together most nights, or if I say I'm going earlier, he'll say 'to sleep' or something, or if he's not showing signs of joining me, I'll say 'are you coming' or 'don't be long' we both know what we mean!

Always Saturday & Sunday mornings, it just happens like that & a couple of times during the week spontaneously. Might be like caveman said whilst watching tv or straight after we've come in if we've been out

It's usually spontaneous but with 2 teens in the house we are on alert for them wandering about.

We always go to bed together and usually shower together so it happens spontaneously.

Sometimes il initiate sometimes he will sometimes it's very mutual as we just start kissing and things progress naturally

Sometimes spontaneous, sometimes planned, sometimes started by him, sometimes by me. It all depends on the timing and how we are both feeling.

We always go to bed together and rather than opt in, we've changed our system to an opt out set up. It's assumed that we'll do it every night, unless one of us is tired or poorly. Been using this method for about eight months and it works brilliantly for us. If we want spontaneous we simply try to grab an opportunity during the day.

Sex started dwindling down to once a week, or worse once a fortnight, after the first two dcs, so we decided to do something about it.

The increased intimacy has transformed our relationship and I can honestly say we haven't got on this well in all our 22 years together. If you want to get jiggy every night you don't tend to bicker any more