How does sex happen?

[ohsomany]

Just that really. I'd really like to know from other married couples or long term couples who have been together for a long time, how does sex happen for you? Like is it pre arranged? Or do you both go to bed at the same time and one of you just starts touching and then sex happens?
What if one of you is usually sleeping before the other one? How do you manage a sex life?
My DH never asks for sex, it's always me and I usually drop hints or have to outwright ask him. 😳
Makes me wonder if other couples just go to bed together every night and it just happens.

---

If you've found this page in your search of adult games and sex games that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex games useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

I'm trying to get us back up to 4/5 times a week.

I am quite submissive so like dh to take the lead. If he asked me for a bj while watching telly I don't think I'd actually mind. He's getting there though.

It's just finding snatches of time, if we're tired it's a quicky (with 3 dcs we usually are) but sometimes I'll just lean up against him and get it all started.

It doesn't! no but really, when I'm NOT pregnant it's usually at the end of the day when the kids are in bed. Each of us usually knows what the other wants well before then!

That's an interesting way to go about it Happybunny. I do agree though, that it certainly is harder to be angry and argue and fall out when you are having lots of intimacy. I know that the morning after we've managed to have sex, we are both always in a better mood and get on much better.
I think the main issue is not us never getting bed together or even shortly after the other. I think DH would think I woke be pissed as hell to be woken up for sex, but the truth is, even if I was already deep asleep, I wouldn't mind and would like it very much.
I think he's definitely got a low libedo issue, but I think he can try a bit harder. I am fed up of going without for so long in between or feeling like a sex pest type of person as I often imagine if the roles were reversed and how much I would hate to be pestered into having sex. 😔

A lot of the posts are about when you go to bed.

I must admit I love seeing my OH naked, and she likes seeing me too, so regularly watch the other shower, or get in and wash each other.

Why not have build up over the day, lots of affection then in bed, or before the bedroom it's obvious if either wants sex, although OH usually just says lets do it now!

Meant to write,
I think DH thinks, I would be pissed as hell to be woken for sex, but I wouldn't.

Our code is "day yes?" or "day no?". Not very romantic. One of us will ask the other, sometimes we just go to bed and start kissing rather than slapping.

sleeping

Slapping

I get into bed and grab his ** and take it from there lol. Or i get my wand out and ask him to assist.
Or I just tell him outright I need some.

(Not very subtle am I )

I certainly have no plans to change the current set up. It also means w spend most days flirting building up to when we see each other again.

Doesn't it seem to work that the more you do it, the more you want? It seems to for us, as we've been finding ways to sneak in an extra session in during the day. I'm still on maternity leave at the moment though, so really hoping I can maintain the pace once I'm back working again.

I think spontaneous sex is the best, although sometimes there is the element of pre-arranged. Like when you are talking about dinner and one of you hints towards sexual activity, then the other naturally prepares.

Married for 17 years, three kids - 9 & upwards. We use the Droppa app. Plan in an evening of sexy stuff and you can "chat" privately about it. When the time comes we're bursting at the seems.

Wish I felt more comfortable taking the lead... our sex life is running very low so much so that I often have bad dreams we are going to separate. However he doesn't seem bothered at all and if we talk about out lack of sex life it's me that instigated the chat and he seems up for it improving but then nothing changes... don't think we have had sex for at least a month...
We have 3 kids so finding the time is difficult and were both very tired by the end of the day...

My oh is normally quite tired by the evenings.it normally happens in the morning for us.he wakes me up with a cuddle and it goes from there.

We go to bed together and cuddling usually leads to a little more....so we head downstairs.
Co-sleeping baby and a shower that sounds like a jet taking off has made sofa sex the only option in our house!

I can count on one hand the number of times we've had spontaneous sex- DP just isn't the type to start anything, he has a low libido. We usually just say earlier in the day "are you up for sex later?" and then do it once kids asleep and we've freshened up. It's always good and we both love it... but yeah I've often wondered what its like to share a bed with someone who just starts something naturally.

If we're in bed, it's normally instigated by my other half (he just strokes my body and I know what he wants, and because my drive is way higher than his, I'm almost always up for it!)

If we're watching tv together - massive rarity actually, I just cuddle and stroke him, and then unbutton his jeans then he knows what I want.

I like to read in bed, so I usually go up earlier than DH but am still awake when he joins me. It's usually instigated by me (I think because he worries about pestering me, so prefers it if I initiate so he knows for sure I'm up for it). Not pre planned as such but more likely to happen at the weekend than during the week.

Hate it when we haven't for a while and then get an opportunity and feel pressured to make the most of it. Generally the feeling will spontaneously bubble up between us and we will start kissing. If one of us isn't in the mood or too tired we will stop at kissing and cuddling. We never go to sleep without a kiss and a cuddle.

We never pre plan it! I cant be bothered in the evenings either. Usually Saturday/Sunday morning or days off we have a lie in together and it just happens naturally.

It's all planned as we don't live together. He texts me about it A LOT before hand.

I find that bit difficult. It's hard though to find child free time or both of us are at work. So usually every weekend.

I think lack of spontaneous sex will make us want to live together more and more in the end or have the opposite effect and drive us apart

I'm with Happybunny19. The default is Yes to sex, and it has transformed my life. I'm so much happier and relaxed. My sleep is better. My DP is besotted, affectionate, and happy. After dinner, as soon as the kids go to bed, we go to bed. We might read, watch TV, have a cup of tea or a glass of wine, or play on the iPad, but we snuggle up, naked. Unless one of us falls asleep (which happens occasionally) we have sex. Sometimes we have it in the morning if we wake up early too. After enduring an unhappy, sexless marriage for 6 years, I find it remarkable that we're not taught about the importance of sex as making a contribution to our psychological wellbeing. It's lovely being at work, knowing that you're going to be in bed by 9.30, and having an orgasm by 10.30.

I was married for 20 years, it was never spontaneous Ex-DH would always say 'want a shag' having had some new partners since we separated and experiencing spontaneity it's been amazing!!

I once messaged dh from bed to say it was clean sheets, and did he fancy making them dirty. Problem was ds 15 happened to peer over and read it, cue teen making gagging noises