Desperately need to get my libido back...but how?

[JJRJ1002]

Hi all,

I used to have such a great sex life with my DP but since having our daughter 15 months ago the thought of sex actually repulses me! We have had sex only on a few occasions since and I have hated every second of it which made me feel really bad on my partner because he was trying to make things special.
It's not just Sex it's actually any physical contact. When he tries to hug me, kiss or shown any kind of affection it irritates me and I push him away as I feel there are other things I should be doing - that sounds so bad but that's how I feel.
I love my partner so very very much and I really want to get my libido back but I don't know how ... most nights I think 'I'm going to make the effort tonight to instigate sex' but when it comes to the evening I'm so tired and I hate the fact that I see it as 'making an Effort' when before I would never of seen it as an effort.
What has happened to me and how can I get myself back to the way I was/felt before? Things need to change...

What contraception are you using? I find all hormonal contraception (pill, mini pill, mirena) kills my libido stone dead. 3 weeks after having my mirena out my libido was back with a vengeance!

I'm on a pill called gederal which is a different one to the one I was on before I had my DD because the one I was on before started causing migraines.
Maybe I should try something different?

Maybe come off the pill and try condoms. I am sure your husband wont mind at all, especially if it helps your libido.

I found this with the mini pill. I'd definitely recommend trying condoms for a while and see if you improve.

have you tried masturbating? to see if it will come back without the pressure of your husband waiting expectantly...

Yes I have tried that and I also found that really dissatisfying ... my sex drive has just totally disappeared

I have struggled with this to, and has contributed to the breakdown in my marriage - I tried coming off contraception and anything else I can think of, but I don't seem to be able to perk up my sex drive - I've lost weight, done exercise & all that but it hasn't helped either.

I'm really sorry to hear that @Ellypoo
Have you been to the Drs to talk about it?

It's not just Sex it's actually any physical contact. When he tries to hug me, kiss or shown any kind of affection it irritates me and I push him away

That will be very painful for him, a lack of sex is difficult but a rejection of affection in general is even worse.

I'd advise seeing your Gp hopefully they can help

@HarmlessChap I know it's terrible that why I really want to sort out what's going on. I had a chat with him last night and have booked an appointment to see the dr so hopefully things will change.

I think the important thing is to be open with him about it. Acknowledging it as an issue, and making it clear that it's not that you have a problem with him should hopefully help make it feel less pressured.

I am experiencing similar difficulties, it is so soul destroying! I have started taking Lady Prelox which is suppose to help. You can buy it in holland and Barrett. It seems to have good reviews. Have a look, it's worth a try. Just remember to check it out with your GP and it is not suitable if you are breast feeding or are pregnant! www.ladyprelox.com

I sometimes wonder if it is mother natures way of preventing us from having babies too close together. A hormone imbalance of some kind. Our climate doesn`t help, sun on our skin I reckon is a big help to boosting libido.

It's the pill for sure.

I could have written this post. And when I do have sex I think "great, that's that done for another month". And I hate any type of physical contact because I worry it'll lead to sex. I'm still breastfeeding my DD so have been blaming that. I see sex as a chore and would happily never do it again. However I doubt my husband would agree! We're shit at communicating so it's the elephant in the room. Sorry for hijacking your thread with my woes and nothing constructive but following for any advice.

You're not still breastfeeding, are you op? It can suppress the relevant hormones.
It can be hard in the current NHS climate to get hormone issues taken seriously but this does sound hormonal. You will need to be politely insistent.

No I'm not breastfeeding.

@miserablemolly i think it would be a good idea to talk about it with your DH because I didn't say anything to my DP for a long time and it was so uncomfortable because like you say it really does become an elephant in the room. Since speaking about it I do feel my DP understands how I feel now and I have told him that I have a Drs appointment next week to try and see what's going on. Because I do want to get our sex life back on track even though the thought of sex now repulses me as does any physical contact.

I could have written your post. I'm exactly the same. We have talked about it and even though I know its hurting him I don't want to be touched or kissed or anything and I don't know how to change that?! It feels more like we are two friends living in a marriage at the moment and that really sucks. I don't want to hurt him or our beautiful little one.

And I'm not on the pill but I am on medication for depression and anxiety

That's how I feel I don't want any physical contact at all - it's a horrible feeling how things have changed so much but I suppose it must feel even worse for our DPs.
I have no idea how to change it either - my last option is seeing if it's the pill because other than that I'm out of ideas.
Maybe you should go to your doctors to see if your medication could be affecting things?

Was just about to come on and post about this. DS is 13 months and I feel as though I could happily spend my life not having sex again. It's so hard to feel sexy when you are tired, covered in food and snot, heavier than you were pre baby and spending your days dealing with poo. It really bothers DH though and I don't know what to do :(

You feel exactly the same as I do.
Have u spoke to your DH about it?
Are you on the pill?

I have spoken to DH about it and he doesn't put any pressure on but I know it's important to him. I'm not on the pill or any medication and I'm not breastfeeding. I think I need to exercise and get some kind of a social life back but I just don't have the energy. It's so hard with young children :(

Me too. Not on the pill or similar. DD is nearly 5... I am on a specific migraine medication though, that does decrease libido. I really can't manage without the medication, my life would be unliveable (I tried, for a year, constant horrific pain, other symptoms, & I nearly lost my job due to sickness absence). DH is great & doesn't pressure me, but doesn't leave me feeling like he's not bothered either.
It feels like a bit of me went away & I don't know how to get it back.