Desperately need to get my libido back...but how?

[JJRJ1002]

Hi all,

I used to have such a great sex life with my DP but since having our daughter 15 months ago the thought of sex actually repulses me! We have had sex only on a few occasions since and I have hated every second of it which made me feel really bad on my partner because he was trying to make things special.
It's not just Sex it's actually any physical contact. When he tries to hug me, kiss or shown any kind of affection it irritates me and I push him away as I feel there are other things I should be doing - that sounds so bad but that's how I feel.
I love my partner so very very much and I really want to get my libido back but I don't know how ... most nights I think 'I'm going to make the effort tonight to instigate sex' but when it comes to the evening I'm so tired and I hate the fact that I see it as 'making an Effort' when before I would never of seen it as an effort.
What has happened to me and how can I get myself back to the way I was/felt before? Things need to change...

My DP doesn't put pressure on it either but u r right it is important to them and I worry that one day soon he will get totally pissed off with it.
Do you think social life would help improve it? I don't think that would help me. I just think nothing is going to help - even when I see sex scenes on tv now I'm like 'err gross' - if it's something I've taped I fast forward over it. That sounds so pathetic

So do u think it's definitely your migraine medication that's taken away your libido?
Have you tried 'making an effort' as people say, my friend told me to dress up sexy to help me get in the mood, I was like 'omg no way'. People say the less sex that women have the less they want but I can't even bring myself to have sex to try and break that habit of not doing it

I think the hormones when you have had a baby can get in the way too quite apart from birth control pills.

I think you should try going out together and doing things together if you possibly can - trying to reconnect as people.

As to the physical aspect, I once saw something about this on the television and the therapist advised the couple to touch each other only a tiny bit, and then hugs etc but no sex - the woman had to know that would not happen. Bit by bit she felt closer to her husband. Perhaps your GP could recommend someone to give you advice.

It can also help if you feel attractive in yourself. Have your hair done, have your legs waxed etc. Make sure you like your under wear - little things like that.

Good luck.

We went through a dry spell for a few years whilst having young children, in fact I did not really feel sexy again until my early 40`s. Raising a family does kill spur of the moment sex. That and the unrelenting routine that accompanies it.

I think a lot of it is about raising my confidence. So putting some effort into looking nice for myself and having a life beyond work and being a parent. Need to make more use of the babysitter!

I don't know if it's only the migraine meds. I'm not on anything hormonal & haven't been for about 3 years. Only other meds are asthma meds & a shedload of vitamins (the migraine meds are known for absolutely stripping the vitamins from your body).
I had a rubbish pregnancy & birth. And the PILs were intrusive beyond belief when DD was a baby & I suspect they caused my PND to a hell of a lot worse than it would have otherwise been. And I'm so tired all the time. Somewhere amongst all that lot, my libido dropped off a cliff but I'm not sure of the biggest contributing factor. Suspect it's probably all of it, & the longer things go on the harder it gets.

I'm trying to get fit because at least that will improve the tiredness & body image & I might sleep better if I've done some proper exercise. And I'll feel a little bit more in control & no-one can legitimately criticise me for taking a bit of me time if I'm using it to get fit. I'm starting C25k this week.

Diet. Losing weight works.

And porn?

I'm going to start C25K too Lego! Good luck :)

Would a bit of erotic fiction help kick-start your urge? Literotica.org is a good source.

That's the other funny thing is that I'm actually much skinner than before I fell pregnant and I feel really confident and good about myself.
I eat well and exercise already so I don't know how I could improve that.
I love reading so could try erotic books... as for porn I even hate the sight of sex scenes on tv now, so it could b a challenge but worth a go

Erotic fiction is a good shout as porn does nothing for me! I don't need to lose weight either really (size 10-12) but do need to tone up :)

Sorry I forgot to say Good Luck with the couch to 5k it's really good, I've done it before (.but stupidly didn't keep it up) I must do it again

www.ladycheeky.com

Just wanted to quickly pop on and offer some reassurance as I could have written your post too when my son was a similar age to your child and I remember feeling very desperate and worried about it all. Hated sex, being touched, even my poor husband looking at me. I was never on the pill or any other medication nor was I breastfeeding. I can honestly say it passed the older my son got, he's now 3 and sex is maybe not as regular as previously but now not due to any lack of libido. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time and try not to put any pressure on, I'm convinced it's hormonal/biological as a previous poster said