Would you class sex as a favour?

[minion246]

My DP and I had sex this morning. He has just said you should be fine for another week now! So I answered so I should be a good girl now and he said well yes, I've just done you a favour and gave you sex. I don't class sex a favour!! Just because we had sex doesn't mean that I have to do things (ie get up and get him things or go to the shop for him etc) in return. What is everyone else's point of view?

Don't you think that if you're at the point of medication to cope being in your relationship OP that maybe its reached its end?

There are other relationships that could happen if you were free that could meet your needs better.

That's how I feel.... I'm not good enough for him but I love him and he says he loves me. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've hit rock bottom.

I'm sorry, what? He openly fantasised about having sex with his friend while having sex with you? That's just wrong wrong wrong.

Yes he did :(

Sorry I have forgot to put that I'm not just on antiDs because of Dp but I was in an abusive relationship for 13 years as flash backs kept reoccurring.

I'd bet my puppy that if you left him you'd not need anti depressants anymore

Oh sorry awful x-post with you about ads. I still think you'd feel better for binning him, he sounds horrid. Sorry to hear about your traumatic experiences

Earn cuddles?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Wow. Tell him you were the one doing him favours and there won't be any more while he's getting off thinking about the other woman.

I'm afraid you're in another abusive relationship. This is not the man for you. Sex and cuddles do not need to be earned.

This man is going to kill your self esteem. He's already done quite a job on it. I understand what it's like when you suffered worse abuse in the past and that you can think "at least he doesn't" etc etc, but this is an abusive relationship too.

I did tell him it wasn't acceptable to say what he was saying about his friend and he did apologise as he was not helping my insecurities.

I can't see how this could be abusive when he doesn't hurt me, I just feel rubbish about how things are.

Minion, it is him that isn't good enough for you. Set your sights higher.

No. It's not because you have insecurities. He is the one in the wrong. Don't let him gaslight you.

It is emotionally abusive.

You might want to get this thread moved to Relationships. Lots of people there have been in similar situations and will be able to help you process this.

From what you have said I'd say this relationship is abusive too. He's controlling you. You do not have to put up with his behaviour. It's not normal

He is hurting you emotionally

Does he make you feel wanted?
Does he make you feel special?
Does he make you feel important?
Does he make you feel loved?
Or does he make you doubt yourself?
Or does he make you feel bad?
Or does he make you feel guilty for things?

A partner should bolster your confidence and add to your joy.
They should not in anyway detract from either.

You love him?
why? Seriously? Why?
What does he do apart from make you feel shit? Makes you earns affection? Fantasisise about other women? Stays at other women's houses? Yeah... He sounds lovable... Stop wasting your life with him, find someone who deserves you.

He did what? Jesus Christ, he is hurting you, you are hurting as you writ e this.
I didn't think I would ever him th mn ltb crew without finding out loads more info, but in this case
L TB, you will be so much happier.

If your that unhappy then you should leave.

We are only having one side of the story here though and yet everyone is advocating LTB.

That could be quite damaging to the relationship if the OP is having a bad spell.

Yes what the DP has said sounds bad, but we don't know context? OP do you think he's having an affair? Why did he stay at another woman's house (this could be something completely innocent).

Have you and your DP fantasised about others sexually before? If so this could just be pushing a boundary?

Did you have your insecurity before you met your DP?

Did he help your insecurity at all, I.e. Has it gotten better or worse since your last relationship?

Sorry for all the questions, I just don't want to judge before I know more!

This is NOT love.
You deserve to be happy, safe and free, this situation is none of these things.

I don't think he has having an affair but would like the idea of another woman. And he stayed at his friends because I went to my mums and ended the relationship as I thought he wasn't putting the effort in our relationship and we got back together to give our relationship another try after a few days. We have been together for a year and we did fantasise in the first few months together but then our sex life went down hill. My insecurities was low to begin with but higher than it is now. Like all new relationships we was active and I felt great but when the sex side of the relationship died down that's when my self esteem went down hill and this is why I'm here today asking advice. He cooked for us last night so that did make me feel special (twice in a year). I don't feel wanted as such, he comes home every night from work and he came back after our falling out so I do feel important because if that.

Fair enough.

So it sounds like there is issues on both sides.

Maybe consider counselling together to work through each other's problems together :)