My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Sex

Trying 'BDSM'

26 replies

mortificado · 12/11/2016 21:00

I've read and watched a lot on this and it really turns me on. I'm quite shy in talking about it but have asked OH to be more dominant in the bedroom and he's said he'd like to tie me up & that he loves to be in control. I want him to be more forceful & 'push my limits' (& have a safe word in place) but how is the best way to bring this up!?! I'd also like to get some proper restraints & different toys to what we already have (different vibrators) & for him to take more of a proper role, but I just don't know how to go about it!
Thanks in advance!

OP posts:
Report
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 12/11/2016 21:03

BDSM movies.

Men are visual creatures. You need to point at a screen and say 'do this'.

Report
Destinysdaughter · 12/11/2016 21:09

'The Loving Dominant' is a good book to read. Also go on 'Fet Life' website for advice. Apart from having an honest conversation with him about what you want, I'm not sure what else you can do. You could also go to some fetish clubs if there are any in your area? Or ' munches'?

Report
mortificado · 12/11/2016 21:20

He hates porn. I've hinted and he said he's not untreated at all Confused so any sort of fetish clubs or anything is totally out! I think he'd really be up for it (what I want) I'm just nervous about looking like a total freak if I'm wrong in what I think he'd like!

OP posts:
Report
mortificado · 12/11/2016 21:23

King I should just find my balls force him to watch something and say do this!! Confused

OP posts:
Report
mortificado · 12/11/2016 21:24

Destiny going to find the l bing dominant now Smile

OP posts:
Report
mortificado · 12/11/2016 21:25

Loving (stupid phone!)

OP posts:
Report
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 12/11/2016 21:26

Make up a gift basket of bondage stuff for Christmas?

Open it alone, FFS. Granny doesn't need to see it.

Report
mortificado · 12/11/2016 21:31

Haha. Granny would have a heart attack! Good thinking! Love honey...here I come! Any other good suggestions on toys etc?!

OP posts:
Report
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 12/11/2016 21:47

Get a wooden spoon instead of a paddle.

Then if the sex thing doesn't catch on he might still cook you something.

Report
mortificado · 12/11/2016 21:56

King you have me in stitches. OH is looking at me like Confused lol!!!

OP posts:
Report
StartledByHisFurryShorts · 13/11/2016 08:35

What is it you want, do you think?

Spanking? Bondage? Taking instruction?

I think you need to start slow and build up.

I'm massively into spanking. I haven't tried to change an existing vanilla relationship into a kinky one. But if I were, I would start with pre sex over-the-knee hand spanking. Then next time, maybe encourage harder hand spanking and maybe improvised spanking implements - hairbrush / wooden spoon / belt etc.

I don't think you need to watch porn. And I wouldn't freak out a spanking newbie with a big ol' box of canes, paddles, restraints and nipple clamps. You need to work up to some stuff, I reckon. I think it's quite off-putting to be presented with stuff you're not ready for. I'm all kinds of kinky but the idea of gags freaked me out for ages. I did have a partner who, in time, I was comfortable being gagged by. But if a chap presented me with a ball gag before I was ready, that wouldn't be a turn on. Quite the opposite.

I do know a few couples who have developed BDSM-y relationships from vanilla ones (even after a decade or so) so it can be done. Wink

Report
BackToTheCaveman · 13/11/2016 11:39

Use the Internet to read up on the various forms of kink. You need to have very open and honest communication. Discuss what you both like/do not like and then find common ground.

It took myself and Cavewoman a while to find our kink. She is not into any form of pain and is not really fussed about bondage/restraints etc. So everyone is different. We don't even have a safe word, not needed one in 16 years.

Report
AkimboLimbo · 13/11/2016 23:01

If he's not interested in porn, how about just a photo or an image?
Not necessarily pornographic, just an image of something you would like to do.

Report
lostincumbria · 14/11/2016 16:27

That's a great idea akimbo. Bonus tip - sesrch in Google images for something that interests you. Then, use the search tools to filter to only black and white. It makes (almost) everything look classier and less threatening.

Report
DashboardLightParadise · 15/11/2016 14:28

Educate yourself first I think works out best, get an idea of what you like and your perceived limits.

Have a look at fetlife. Books; screw the roses send me the thorns, sm 101, the new bottoming/topping book. If you think you might be into bondage try knotty boys for learning a few simple knots, how to avoid pressure points etc. I've seen people recommending mojo upgrade website. You both input your different interests sexually and can compare.

It can be done. I've converted a few vanilla relationships to the kinkier side, both as dominant and submissive. Key is you have to be really honest and upfront and talk loads. No time for shyness at all. At the same time don't push too hard at the start or overwhelm them with information. You've had time to comes to terms with it, they haven't.

Toys wise there's plenty of stuff you can use from around the house, commonly known as pervertibles Wink without racking up a bill from a sex shop.

Report
Pilotguy · 16/11/2016 00:24

As a guy I'm 😏 About you saying he "hates" porn. I don't think there's a man I've ever met in real life who's said this. He likes sex so he's a normal guy and as PP have said, men are visual creatures. If you want some tease pictures or gifs of BDSM, then Tumblr is your friend. Find a selection there that show what you like and start Whatsapping him some of these to make it crystal clear what you want. Maybe throw in the odd romantic one to reassure him too!

Report
Momentumista · 26/11/2016 09:19

Watch 'The story of O' together.

Report
StickyProblem · 26/11/2016 09:23

If people say they hate porn, that means they hate porn.

Report
AkimboLimbo · 26/11/2016 11:29

If people say they hate porn, that means they hate porn.
People's definition of what porn is, varies enormously.
They may be saying that they hate their perception of porn as being hard core. There is a huge amount of erotica out there, that is incredibly sexy, that you wouldn't want to show to children, but is a very long way from being hard core.
I agree with Pilotguy, Tumblr is the place to look.

Report
Silvercatowner · 27/11/2016 07:17

If people say they hate porn, that means they hate porn.

Or.... that's what they think the listener wants them to say.

Report
AkimboLimbo · 27/11/2016 09:57

^^ That's a very good point and I think that is the case for many men.
They say they hate porn because they think their partner would disapprove of them enjoying it.
My DH was very surprised to find that I enjoy it.

Report
mortificado · 27/11/2016 10:44

Akimbo
I haven't told DP that I watch and don't know if I'd want too, but would like to enjoy it with him on the odd occasion, but do enjoy my own time with it.
I'm going to give the story of o a watch with him, I tried to stream it if the internet but could only find it in French Confused anyone know where I can stream it in English? Or can you buy it in English? Don't fancy learning French Wink. Did watch a bit of it and it looks very interesting!

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Momentumista · 27/11/2016 10:46

Akimbo try Amazon. I also found an English version online a while back just by googling 'story of o watch free online'. Good luck, you'll enjoy it Wink

Report
Momentumista · 27/11/2016 10:47

Sorry mortuficado, not akimbo. Although I expect akimbo would enjoy it too!

Report
mortificado · 27/11/2016 12:08

I've searched that too! Thought I'd found it & it turned out to be German (I think!) just going on Amazon now! I hope it's on prime! I want it ASAP!!! Wink

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.