Anal for the first time

[PugBed]

Been with DP for a few months, so far we haven't done anything that adventurous but he has said a few times he'd like to try anal.

I've only done this once before, I was really young and we were both inexperienced. It hurt alot and didn't feel good at all, I've never wanted to try it again until now. I've just realised I don't even know if he's done it before!

What should we be doing to get it right? Lube? Positions?

Also worried about it being a bit gross afterwards... how messy is likely to get?

I'm prepared for it not to feel wonderful for me, but as long as its not painful and unpleasant I'm happy to try it with him.

Why is it the woman that has the Amal? Do men enjoy it in a heterosexual relationship too?

I was just going to ask that, hellothereitsme!
If a hetero man's reaction to the idea of a dildo up his bottom is bleirgh, it does seem that he would consider this a reasonable thing to ask of his female partner.

Is it narrow minded not to want anal?
Or is it narrow minded not to acknowledge that sex acts that appeal to you may not be appealing to others?
I know what I think.

Have a drink first.

Make sure you are very turned on and relaxed down there - I actually find it better if I have already come once, as it seems to loosed everything up.

Use lube if you need it (might not if you have already been having lots of vaginal intercourse).

Breathe in when it goes in. The head of the penis is widest and the most uncomfortable. Take a deep breath in as he puts it in. He should let you get used to the feeling before he then goes further.

I don't let me fwb finish in there as it's messy.

If it's not a regular partner/you're unsure if he is clear use a condom. Helps with lube, avoids mess and you're more susceptible to STIs through anal.

I've not had anal sex with a man who didn't at least like a little prostate play. I think more couples are into pegging than you'd think, but it's perhaps not discussed as much as anal sex with a penis. Who knows.

Name change test.

Agreed Papa - my current fwb likes anal but he likes bums and butt play in general - that's including his own!

karlos
I've read your post three times and I don't quite understand what point you are making?

Are you suggesting it IS narrow minded to not want anal? I can't tell.
are you suggesting that we should all acknowledge it's ok to request to perform an act on others that we admit we personally would hate? Seriously, I don't quite understand whether you are arguing for or against.

I'm glad you know what you think but I can't fathom what you are saying from your post!

Hello. Name changed for this reply. I am a heterosexual male and enjoy both giving and receiving anal with my female partner. Its a fairly rare treat for us both, probably 2-3 times a year. She either uses a strap on or a dildo on me. I can agree with whats been said on here. Lots of lube, relax and if it hurts then stop immediately. Its very rarely messy, especially if you pre-plan.

I find it quite emotionally charged in a way. Its quite taboo, I think, especially as a straight man receiving and its not something I would discuss with anyone apart from with my partner.

I would always say try anything once, you don't know you dont like something until you try it. I never thought I would enjoy this, but there you go!

It was a response to the male poster a little earlier who called someone who said she found anal unappealing (I paraphrase) narrow minded.
I have to say this thread isn't really selling it to me either - I mean the advice to have a drink first? Wow

Sorry - I got the wrong end of the stick.
(Pun intended)

Yeah, but the whole idea of a dude expecting a woman to have a go at something he'd find repugnant himself speaks volumes.

experience tells me to run a mile from any man who starts asking for anal. They're rubbish that type. Sure there are exceptions but I've never met one

Make sure you use condoms, you've only been with him a few months.

Lots of advice here, enjoy

Honestly? Not something to try with a partner you have only been with for a few months, IMHO. (Surely you are still working your way through a zillion other positions at this stage??)

I wasn't keen for on the idea and didn't love it the first time. (Or the second) But I love it now as an occasional that thing. I'll get flamed for this but I'd recommended a couple of drinks, lots of lube (I use superdrug own, I find it better value and simpler, no flavour, tingle/heat etc than durex that I've used in the past) and I use doggy position. And relax. Seriously, it soon sounds gross, but imagine you're pooping and your arse is hanging out...just embrace that feeling and go slow, seeeeeriously slow

Thanks Akimbo I appreciate your concern, but I have said a few times now that I want to do it too. My OP didn't sound too keen, admittedly but I was just trying to make the point that I wasn't expecting to be able to just go straight into it and feel wonderful... I know it takes time and practice to get it right.

I'll have a look on Lovehoney for lube/ toys, I think building up from there sounds like a good way forward.

That's a good point Hello and Hairy if I'm honest, the thought of me doing the same for hime doesn't really turn me on for some reason... I suppose in a hetero relationship it's more the norm for the male to do the penetrating? I'm happy to keep it that way but I hear that others enjoy switching it up a bit.

blame I fully intend to have a couple of drinks (not get hammered) before we try. I don't think it's a bad thing at all, as keen as I am I don't think it'll do any harm to have a drink to loosen up a little.

Not sure about coming once first- I have to say that I've never come more than once during intercourse and it tends not to feel as good for me afterwards, for some reason I get too sensitive.

Thanks for tips on breathing and I have been with him several months but will still use a condom anyway. We are both clean but I hear it helps with smoothness also?

Thanks Namechange good to hear a different point of view.

Olennas Can I ask why you wouldn't do it with someone you've been with a few months? The first time I tried it I had been with my partner for three years, it was horrible and painful just like every other aspect of the relationship. My relationship with my current partner is good and fun and I trust him. Out of curiosity, how long would you say is ok to wait?

We've worked through a few positions but neither of us are that into bedroom acrobatics!

eight If your description of my arse hanging out pops into my head when we are dtd I may just be laughing to much to continue!

Thanks all for advice so far, all very helpful

The alcohol is just to help you relax. Even if you really want to do it, your body can get quite tense if you haven't done it before. You always need to be completely with it, so as long as it's no more than a glass of wine, then it's fine.

Lots of men love prostate play, finger, toys, pegging - they just don't tend to talk about it a lot because people often link it to being gay.

Please be aware of hygiene though, a friend of mine got a terrible kidney infection through being introduced to anal play , not full penetrative sex just fingering going from anus to vagina , introduced bugs from anus and gave her a terrible
time ... take care.

OP - I don't think there is a hard and fast rule on how long to wait (perhaps that chapter of The Rules was edited out ). It's more, for me, that this is something that is a significant step beyond a casual relationship, and after only three months you might feel that you know and trust someone but you can't really.

Him asking to do it a few times when you've only been sleeping together for a short period would also be a little red flag that would make me want to wait. At three months in, your vagina really should be enough to satisfy and excite him!

I think anal sex has almost become like how sex used to be in the days when it was frowned upon before marriage: men would try to persuade women to sleep with them, knowing full well that if they did it would be the women who would come off worse in any fall out from that.

Lube, loads of it more than you think you need trust me!

Don't let him go from vagina to anal with out changing condom.

Only do it with a sex partner you trust, first guy I tried it with was a fucking twat! DH is however very careful and I enjoy it

i have tried it once and it wasnt for me.
It reminded me of getting a suppository up my bottom
in hospital and then running to the toilet,it was also very messy.
I personally don't get it, but thats me.

If you're worried about there being mess, you can get an anal douche on Lovehoney which is easy to use and just ensures you're cleaned out.

I've had a fair amount of anal and I enjoy it, only one time there was a bit of mess afterwards (and I hadn't douched then.)

Definitely look for a specific lube for anal. You need one that's thicker and longer lasting than standard lube.

Op look at the Pjur range. There are sprays which have a numbing effect if the entry feeling is a bit over sensitive. If you use be careful though as the lack of sensitivity can work to your disadvantage.

Don't ever use anything with a numbing effect. If it's hurting, it's doing damage.
Slow down so it doesn't hurt and do a bit more preparation.

I'm not talking about numbing pain Akimbo I'm talking about over sensitivity. A good lubricant like Pljur won't numb to the point of damage. You still feel sensation.

OP I've used Pjur for the last two years with my partner, as it acts as a relaxant. I'd recommend it.