Sex that's too good? How do I make him shag badly?

[TinderGirl]

New guy. Had lots of sex this weekend, but there's lots of cervix smashing and generally "too good" sex. I don't want to be on the ceiling all of the time, but he's not really understanding that while he can do amazing 10/10 sex, I really need some 3/4/5 and 6/10 sex to warm up rather than just going straight into the 10/10 stuff.

But then it's also not 10/10 as I'm nowhere near needing to orgasm.

I really have never had sex like it and it's left me totally bamboozled as to how we can bring it down a lot of notches when he literally seems only able to provide one sort.

I'm hoping to see him again in a few days and it would be nice to be able to properly enjoy sex.

Never thought I'd ever find myself commenting that the sex is "too good" - but here we are....

Sounds absolutely awful to be honest. He sounds like a very selfish lover who is giving you what he wants.
I don't think that telling him it's too good is going to be helpful because that tells him that what he is doing is exactly what you want.
I think you need to tell him what you do want, what turns you on, what feels good etc
Tell him to slow down or be more gentle or not to attempt penetration until you are ready.

I genuinely don't understand how you can describe it as 10/10. It's nowhere near good sex. Are you very inexperienced?

None of what you are describing sounds anything like 10/10 sex

You're more likely to get a UTI than an orgasm. Definitely not a good thing

Pretty far from inexperienced, he's just taken me by surprise. We've had a chat and he's agreed to go slower and be more gentle, and I'm looking forward to seeing him again.

I posted here because it isn't something that I can talk to anyone about in RL and I thought someone else may have had similar. Thank you everyone for your replies. First time I've been accused in trolling too.

I'm still confused how anyone could describe rough, hammering sex which leaves you nowhere near orgasm as "amazing" 😐

Kermitt - Maybe because I like to be roughly hammered - just unusual that he's completely missing the right spot and it's left me confused how he can do one without the other.

When you talk to him just be clearer about what you want as I have NO clue what you're on about

Dame - that's why I posted because it is so hard to articulate why what he's doing isn't as good as it should be.

Perhaps its down to his 'straight for the jugular' approach, a slow build up might work better for you?

It sounds like he has been watching too much porn and not having enough real sex with a living breathing women who is not a sex toy.

My friend went out with a guy like this. They think watching loads of porn gives them all the right moves. They don't realise women in porn are rarely if ever enjoying being used violently as a wank sock.

I think you need to get rid of the 10/10 idea, because it's going to confuse him. It's not 10/10, and if he thinks it is, he isn't going to want to go back to 5/10 mediocrity.

10/10 sex would be sex that was perfect, anyway, and this doesn't sound perfect. He's getting the roughness right, by the sounds of things, but the timing and quantity of that roughness is wrong. You want foreplay, and a gentle increase in roughness, not just "hammering" or "nothing".

Tell him that. Tell him you'd like more of a build up, ask him to take it more slowly. If he's a good guy, he'll want to ensure you're happy. Just don't go confusing him with telling him this is perfect, 10/10 sex, or it's all he'll do. If you think you're doing something perfectly, you stick to what you know - you're clearly doing it well! I think you're trying to avoid hurting his feelings framing it like that, but it's not true and it'll be a big barrier to fixing this.

Ugh this sounds exactly like a guy I had a FWB thing with a few years back. Too much porn, too much doing stuff that he thought was good for me but actually was just stuff he'd picked up from porn that wasn't that great.

Are you seeing him for anything other than sex? Because if it is just sex I would be preparing to bin him off.

If he is smashing your cervix, you are not aroused enough: the upper vaginal canal moves up and back during arousal. More than that: the time for the average woman to get fully aroused is tens of minutes (think 20 plus).

That must be horrendously ouch!

I hope it improves. I can't help thinking that you are kidding yourself to a certain degree here. The title of your post makes absolutely no sense. It's like you are trying to convince yourself that this is really good sex when it clearly isn't. Please be honest with yourself first and foremost. You may well enjoy rough sex - I can completely believe that, but not in the way it is being done and definitely not all the time.

I was going to say what PamDoove said - that's porn sex

If it's difficult face to face to say what you want then can you write out a fantasy and email it? Or find a video of what you want him to do and send it? Is he paying attention to the rest of your body, erogenous zones etc?

I like a bloody good seeing to myself, but I'm in the same camp as you, and I imagine the majority, in that I need to be warmed up and lubricated to enjoy it.

The right balance for me is plenty of kissing, a bit of stroking, nice amount of mutual oral until my orgasm and then he can go to town because I'm way past the point....

From what I'm reading you are going straight to way past the point. I don't even see that in much porn but then I tend to watch amateur and "fem" porn with plenty of emphasis on touching, teasing and oral.

Also agree - maybe tie him down and do things your way if he's agreeable to it?

Sorry, OP, but if you think that's 10 out of10, I dread to think what your past sex partners were like. He might as well be banging a hole in the mattress.

Show him what you like

Sounds like a one trick pony, could get boring very quickly never mind uncomfortable. You need to steer him onto other things.

like others I'm bemused at how you simultaneously think you're having 'perfect' 10/10 sex when you aren't enjoying it.... While wanting mediocre 5/10 sex that you do enjoy?! Can't you see the flaw with your logic?

I think you should buy a book on how to arouse a woman and read it in bed with him. Tell him about how much longer it takes for a woman to get aroused. Good sex is about so much more than 'banging'.

One word... Foreplay.

Is he well endowed? Because in my experience men that are tend to be the one trick ponies. They assume that because they're big they don't need to be good at anything else. Dp is decidedly average in size but is amazing at foreplay and trying different techniques and positions, that's 10/10 sex.
Maybe have a night without any penetrative sex, just touching/oral so you can show him it isn't all about the "hammering".

Sounds ouchy to me!