Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

ejaculation issues :(

29 replies

Littlemisssugarplum88 · 08/08/2016 15:22

Hi everyone,
So, I've been with my DP now for 3 years. During our relationship my DP has never been able to cum during sex, and he also told me that it had never happened with anyone else prior to me either.
He does cum if I give him a hand job (which is a start I guess)..but now that we are both serious about starting a family, and obviously it's not happening, we are both beginning to feel really frustrated with the whole situation.
Has anyone else been in the same situation or have any advice for us?!
Thanks in advance xx

OP posts:
NeedAnotherGlass · 08/08/2016 16:16

It's possible that he is used to the firmer grip from manual stimulation.
One way of addressing it is for him to stop masturbating (short term at least) which should increase his need. Then have sex, getting him close to ejaculation manually if needed, but get him to finish off inside you. With a bit of practice, you should be able to reduce the amount of manual stimulation he needs.

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 08/08/2016 16:39

Hi, thank for your reply!
He also has a low sex drive (I'm not sure whether or not this is because he is 'put off' because he knows he can't cum during sex or not).
He says he doesn't masterbate alone, and to be honest I believe him.
He has been trying to research recently if there are any medications he can take to help, but with no luck as of yet.
We have been trying to use that technique to conceive for the last 6 months with no luck and I'm starting to feel as tho it won't ever work :(
Xx

OP posts:
Eekaman · 09/08/2016 00:38

If he can cum through hand jobs, then it's not a physical thing and there not a medication thing.

It's an in his head thing.

I don't know the answers, but I'd guess there's some kind of mental block going on. I had a partner who absolutely hated my cumming during oral, so after some years of that, I still find it very difficult to cum that way. (Thanks ex partner, you did a good job on me).

An out of bedroom conversation is needed I think... good luck OP.

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 09/08/2016 07:26

I'm not sure whether this means DPs only chance of having children would be through IVF or not Confused
It's all very frustrating xx

OP posts:
NeedAnotherGlass · 09/08/2016 08:48

Has he spoken to his GP about this?

OutToGetYou · 09/08/2016 08:50

You don't need IVF, you need a turkey batter.

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 09/08/2016 09:06

No he hasn't spoken to the GP about it because he feels too embarrassed. We are even under a fertility consultant due to me having irregular and heavy periods and since diagnosed with PCOS. He's came with me to appointments and they've asked about his history and he's told them all is fine.
They asked him to drop off a sperm sample for analysis just with what's going on with myself and us not getting pregnant so we are nervously awaiting the results.
I find it hard to get him to open up to me about it, I just don't know what to do next :( xx

OP posts:
OutToGetYou · 09/08/2016 09:35

*baster

speakergirl · 09/08/2016 13:42

If he's suffering from Death-Grip then he needs to bash the bishop a bit less

RNBrie · 09/08/2016 13:43

Not sure why you started two threads about this Op...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/2703650-help

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 09/08/2016 13:54

Wasn't sure where was best to post and which area I'd get the best answers from Confusedxx

OP posts:
NeedAnotherGlass · 09/08/2016 14:15

If he is managing to ejaculate inside you, albeit from masturbation to get him there, then this isn't going to affect your ability to get pregnant.

It seems like there are 2 issues here.
Wanting to get pregnant and an unsatisfactory sex life. I think they need dealing with as separate issues.
He can ejaculate so that isn't a barrier to getting you pregnant.

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 09/08/2016 15:21

But that doesn't explain why he can't cum with ANY previous partner though during sex?!
Xx

OP posts:
FuckFaceMagee · 09/08/2016 15:26

My DH couldn't with another woman until me.

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 09/08/2016 15:27

He tells me there isn't a problem and that he enjoys it, so I'm clueless as to what else I can do?! Xx

OP posts:
FuckFaceMagee · 09/08/2016 15:28

Don't put pressure on it. Relax while having sex. No expectations.

1st time we had sec he came and he was really surprised and happy!. He wanted to go again and again after that.

FuckFaceMagee · 09/08/2016 15:29

He's feeling stressed and is 'expected' to cum.

You're trying to conceive. That won't help him relax. Maybe take a back seat with that. You won't get far if he can't cum inside you anyway.

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 09/08/2016 15:30

I never have put any pressure on him. I've never said anything negative to him about it and it was his idea to start a family.
My mind is boggled Confusedxx

OP posts:
BapsOfSteel · 09/08/2016 15:32

I had a partner who absolutely hated my cumming during oral, so after some years of that, I still find it very difficult to cum that way. (Thanks ex partner, you did a good job on me).

How dare your partner not let you do something to her that she hated. What a bitch. Hmm

NotTheFordType · 09/08/2016 21:22

If he has a low sex drive and he's disclosed that at this stage, and you have a normal drive, I'd get the fuck out now. Sorry but he's basically just said "Once you get pregnant we are never having sex again." Are you happy to have a sexless relationship?

Original poster
Littlemisssugarplum88 · 09/08/2016 21:52

It's not sexless though (even when we weren't ttc), but his drive is lower than mine.
But anyway, I came on here and posted this thread to get some advice around ttc, not for people to advise me to leave my DPHmm

OP posts:
OutToGetYou · 09/08/2016 22:48

FuckFace - lol, oldest lie in the book!

Eekaman · 11/08/2016 00:38

Hey BapsofSteel...

Well, it wasn't quite that simple, she started off the relationship with her claiming to enjoy it. As time went on she changed her mind about that particular activity and asked me not to so I complied with her change of position.

But it left me with a hangover for years after. I was conditioned by her every time her mouth went near me with a warning - so are you saying thats acceptable? What if a man had done something similar to a woman? I'm guessing you'd still criticise the man...

And I didn't call her a bitch, and never would, but you did. Way to go womens solidarity eh?

OutToGetYou · 11/08/2016 13:21

Loads of women don't like men to come in their mouths, in fact for many it's actually a fear.
I've never met a guy yet who didn't just say OK and deal with it. I've not met any who have suffered psyhological trauma as a result.

Why don't you give a guy a blow job and have him ejaculate into your mouth, see if you like it? Just as an eperiment, so you know what it feels like?

Eekaman · 15/08/2016 00:21

Ha ha!!

I'm well aware that many women prefer their male partner not to ejaculate in their mouth. I've never forced anyone, nor would I. I did deal with it, but as a youngster, like I said, it left me with a barrier with subsequent partners. And I honestly do not see why I should be criticised for it.

And as for your comments outtogetyou, me giving a guy a bj as an experiment? Nah, I've had plenty of homosexual offers and it just doesn't work for me. So tell me, who don't you try going gay for a while, you know, ''just as eperiment...''

(And no, I'm not asking as some kind of getting my rocks off thing, I'm just repaying outtogetyou with her own question.)

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.

Swipe left for the next trending thread