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Original poster

Expanding my lovely DHs horizons

45 replies

polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 13:32

Quick back story- DH and I have been together for 8 years. Married 5 years, with 2 DCs. Prior to me DH had only had sex 3 times in total, with 2 partners- both high school fumbles. I have a somewhat busier past.
Our only incompatibility is in the bedroom. His libido is lower than mine and he has some issues around body fluids that mean he doesn't enjoy some aspects of sex (oral) and would prefer to shower immediately after, though has managed to work on this. He will still only have sex in a bed and will need to know that he could wash if he wanted to. Anyway...what would you suggest as being a good way to introduce slightly more exciting activities? I don't want to go in too hard and scare him but as the kids are sleeping more now and we have more time and energy I'd like to spice it up a little. He has no experience so whenever I ask him what he might want to do he really doesn't have a clue! I ask him what he fantasises about during mastirbation and he says it's more things he/we have done rather than fantasies. So what's a nice gentle introduction to being more adventurous?

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Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 13:33

Excuse typos

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ArthurScargillsgingerpube · 23/03/2016 13:40

Peg him.

RavioliOnToast · 23/03/2016 13:41

Could you start by watching porn together? There's a website often recommended on here I think it's Ashley Winters?

Or what about if you buy some lingerie and tell him what you like? Or try couples sex toys?

BirthdayBetty · 23/03/2016 13:45

Try love honey website.
What are his issues around body fluids?

Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 13:49

He can't bear the feeling of any sexual bodily fluids on his skin. He has a dread of 'the wet patch' on the bed too, it knocks him sick. He has to work up to how it'll feel to put his fingers inside me, doesn't like the 'wet'. He doesn't actually like kissing much either, as in snogging, but I don't know if that's fluid related or just the way he is.

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Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 13:50

Will check out love honey, and will suggest porn together, thank you. I think if I bought a sex toy he'd be a bit freaked out.

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Bringiton2016 · 23/03/2016 13:51

Ah, fuck it, go in hard. Sit on his face and stick your finger up his arse.

BirthdayBetty · 23/03/2016 13:52

That sounds quite serious, has either of you considered sex therapy for him?

StuRedman · 23/03/2016 13:54

I was going to suggest therapy. Is he the same with other mess, food spills etc, or is it just bodily fluids?

Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 13:55

We've talked about it and I think he'd be willing but it's finding the time that's difficult. We always have something else, normally child related, that is more important. We do ok around it.
Bringiton, I would LOVE to but giving oral is a big deal for him and if I actually sat on his face it would be like I was assaulting him. Damn shame mind.

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Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 13:56

Just adult bodily fluids. He can deal with nappies changes etc perfectly well.

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TVC15 · 23/03/2016 13:59

Does he actively want to be more adventurous?

It sounds like he doesn't enjoy sex much at all. Some people don't. I don't want to sound rude but if your sexual tastes and libidos are so mismatched, how did you end up married?

Anyway, actual tips: dirty talking, dressing up, role-playing, spending the entire day texting him with dirty ideas for that night to build the anticipation, sex toys.....but if he won't even have sex somewhere other than in bed I can't see him being too responsive tbh.

BirthdayBetty · 23/03/2016 14:00

Was he bought up to think sex is dirty/wrong?
With help he should be able to overcome his anxiety re sexual fluids. Then you'll both have a more fulfilling sex life.

Bringiton2016 · 23/03/2016 14:02

I really feel for you, I couldn't think of anything sensible to say. I guess you could start from mutual masturbation and maybe a sex toy. Chocolate spread to avoid him being scared of taste etc. But in all seriousness I would try and push it up a notch each time you have sex. Trial and error so he can find out what he likes. It would be useful to find out why he isn't a sexual person.

Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 14:02

I married him because we are wonderfully matched in all other ways and it's not that big a deal. Even if it never changes it's fine.

He says he'd like to, I wouldn't force him, but he is so inexperienced and I think he worries that I'm more experienced and he'll look or feel a bit silly. He lacks confidence in that arena basically. Thank you for the tips.

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Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 14:06

Trial and error is probably a good way to look at it and sounds less pressured somehow. I'll present it as such. Thank you.

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BirthdayBetty · 23/03/2016 14:11

If he sits in a chair you could straddle him, effectively you're in control.

RavioliOnToast · 23/03/2016 14:14

I'd had a lot more experience than my dh and I used to big him up saying how much I fancied him, and would openly talk about what I wanted to do to him etc and this seemed to boost his confidence loads - I'm very laid back and open about sex, my dh still doesn't do 'dirty talk' but enjoys to listen to it.

What about sexting? Build up a bit of tension? I would also suggest therapy for his bodily fluids issue.

Can you finger yourself in front of him, let him watch and see what you like?

Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 14:21

Lots of good ideas, thank you. I think I used to do more of that taking the lead stuff before kids and had probably slipped into just doing it 'his way' as we were never really making time to do it properly. In an odd way I'm a bit nervous too, but in an excited way. I'm looking forward to investing more energy in this part of our relationship.

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RudeElf · 23/03/2016 14:21

Would he be willing to use a fleshlight? He could practise oral/fingers etc on it and build up to doing it with you? Also flavoured lube for when with you? Loads of different flavoured stuff nowadays.

Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 14:26

Had to google that. I suspect it'd be a step too far at this stage but one to keep in mind certainly. I'm not sure it's just the taste that bothers him but I'll definitely suggest flavoured lube, sometimes I think I would give my right arm to be able to enjoy some oral with him!

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RavioliOnToast · 23/03/2016 14:32

Can you ditch the DCs for a night, go out somewhere you both love, have a few drinks, a bit flirt and then take t home from there, so it's not pre discussed and pressurised? Maybe drop subtle hints while you're out.

RudeElf · 23/03/2016 14:43

Yes its probably the whole sensation of wet and warm and i would guess something psychologically that he thinks sex is dirty. Was just thinking that the flavours and even the names of some of them might help him see the fun side of it?

Original poster
polkadotsrock · 23/03/2016 14:44

I'm about as subtle as a brick with a drink in me! Point taken though, and I'm hoping we'll have an opportunity soon.

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Branleuse · 23/03/2016 14:45

take a lover

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