Expanding my lovely DHs horizons

[polkadotsrock]

Quick back story- DH and I have been together for 8 years. Married 5 years, with 2 DCs. Prior to me DH had only had sex 3 times in total, with 2 partners- both high school fumbles. I have a somewhat busier past.
Our only incompatibility is in the bedroom. His libido is lower than mine and he has some issues around body fluids that mean he doesn't enjoy some aspects of sex (oral) and would prefer to shower immediately after, though has managed to work on this. He will still only have sex in a bed and will need to know that he could wash if he wanted to. Anyway...what would you suggest as being a good way to introduce slightly more exciting activities? I don't want to go in too hard and scare him but as the kids are sleeping more now and we have more time and energy I'd like to spice it up a little. He has no experience so whenever I ask him what he might want to do he really doesn't have a clue! I ask him what he fantasises about during mastirbation and he says it's more things he/we have done rather than fantasies. So what's a nice gentle introduction to being more adventurous?

I have sent a mildly suggestive whatsapp and will suggest the love honey website when he gets in. I think aiming to bring some fun is the right way of thinking too.

Branleuse- I couldn't carry it off but I love it!

First thing that sprang to mind was getting in the shower or bath together. Not necessarily for full sex, but 'help' washing each other, general intimacy etc.

Ooh I love a shower together!

If you go out together you should wear crotchless knickers or something and make him aware of it, it'll be all he can think of for the whole night!

I dont know if its the same for your DH but i dislike sexting and the expectation of sex. I find it quite pressurising and wouldnt enjoy going out for a night with the knowledge that partner was wearing crotchless or whatever as i would feel a massive pressure that i would have to have sex at the end of the night. Maybe different for him as you are long term together and ive never really had that in long term relationship so maybe would feel more comfortable if i was in a committed relationship as you are. Just offering a perspective. Not saying how everyone will feel.

Actually thinking about it its probably a hangover from my first relationship which wasnt a good introduction to sex.

His issues sound really deep rooted so I don't reckon you'll get far without counselling tbh

Yeah, we have a fair idea where they come from but that doesn't mean we know how to overcome them. I think in the long run we will look to make time to get that 'sorted' but I'm sure there must be some things that we can enjoy. I'm really pleased at all the suggestions and agree at a relaxed and non pressured approach. Baby steps and all that

Think the shower is a great idea
He could explore your body & not get messy .
I think a compromise would be him pleasuring you in his comfort zone .
Ask him to come up with ideas.

This may be a bit left of centre but could he wear gloves and use a condom? Would that help at all? It could be quite kinky and give him the freedom to try some things out with you without worrying about the mess.

I was also going to suggest a shower together - could lead to some fun and safer exploration.
Also yes to trying gloves. It might sound a bit clinical but it could alleviate his anxiety so you can both enjoy it more.
Does he like to watch? Could he watch you masturbate?
Using toys on you might also take the pressure off him using his fingers.

You're all coming up with great ideas and giving me hope that something might work perfectly for us.

Could he be asexual? Most asexual people still fall in love and enjoy the companionship aspect of relationships but don't enjoy/aren't interested in sex.

It's not that he's not interested, he's just less interested than me, and less adventurous. And prefers morning sex which is difficult with two small children.

Are you married to my husband polkadots :o

Well now if he was dividing his libido between the two of us that would make much more sense Magenta!!

If he has some trauma in his past then please go steady with him, and I'd really encourage him, or both of you, to see a specialist (whether that's a sex therapist or one who specialises in phobias) who can help with moving forward. If it's a trauma-based phobia then it's really important for him to feel in control of the process and not like you're pushing him.

In the meantime gloves could definitely work, condoms for PIV, and have you heard of dental dams? These might work for oral. Or you could make your own (crafty!) with clingfilm

I'm with thatsnotmyrabbit and pocket I think these issues are deep rooted and may only benefit from some type of therapy. Probably not the answer you were after.

I think it's likely more deep rooted requiring some therapy. Inexperience has little to do with it IME some less experienced people can turn out to be the most attentive, open and warm lovers so I'd say a combination of personality type and maybe some negative emotions transferred to him by others at a younger age.