Sometimes I amaze even myself

[pocketsaviour]

Bought a new vibrator from Lovehoney a couple of weeks ago, didn't get on with it so asked for a returns label.

Packaged it up in an envelope. The returns label is prepaid postage but they ask you to get a proof of posting, in case the item never arrives I guess.

Got to post office, he asked me to put the packet on the scale then said "What's in the packet?"

My mind went completely blank and I just stared at him for 2 seconds before blurting out "It's a vibrator" quite loudly.

Old lady in the queue behind me looked like she was going to have a heart attack and the poor guy serving me did his absolute best not to laugh, but didn't really succeed.

I'm guessing after I left the shop he had absolute hysterics

So the moral of the story is, when returning an item to Lovehoney, have a plausible lie ready when the counter staff ask what it is.

---

If you've found this page in your search of how to store sex toys at home and for travel, you might find our guide to the best sex toy storage useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Oh dear OP! But that's a good point actually. I received a faulty bullet from LH last week so it has to go back. What do I tell the post office in in the parcel? A torch?

You can send sex toys back if you try them and don't like them?

Ahahahahaha! Sorry, I'm cringing for you

I would have done the same though so good advice to have a different item in mind for when they ask.

Next time I'm going to go with "A small alarm clock without batteries" - depending on the shape I suppose

Yes What - Lovehoney have a "love it or your money back" guarantee. Has come in very handy numerous times for me since it's not like you can try them out in the shop! They have changed their returns process though so this is the first time I've been caught on the hop!

Thank you op, that made me laugh out loud!!!

The Lovehoney returns policy is brilliant. Thank goodness I wasn't asked what was in my package when I returned a rabbit, I don't think I'd have been able to think fast either. And the ladies behind the counter are mums from school! Agree a torch is a good stock answer

Good to know pocketsaviour!

you just have to ascertain that the item you are sending is not on the prohibited list..... nosey fucking jobsworth post office assistants have no business asking what you have in the parcel

they should show you the list and take it from there.

Hahahaha!

Iv had that before but I just said Point blank , a toy.

Amazing story. Absolutely amazing.

I love that you told the truth! Why not?

Tell them to mind their own business!
I have returned lots of parcels to lovehoney and have never been asked what's in them.

What do love honey do with returned used items??

Floaty, I was going to ask the same!

Dispose of them! Its good business sense people are much more likely to buy if there is a no quibble returns policy and probably only a small percentage of people actually do return them.

"It's a tens machine"
There is absolutely no reason that I have that excuse prepared and ready for use, oh no.

I think I love you

brilliant

Dispose of them!

Phew!

I packed my vibe in luggage and gat hauled out of the boarding queue by name because my bag was on the runway and something inside was making a noise that the loading guys did not like.

My face was like beetroot as I was the last person on board having had to unpack the bag on the apron and remove the batteries. The security bloke was non plussed, I wanted to disappear but had to walk the aisle of shame.

I was thinking on this post the other day...I recycled some electrical items into a cage at my local supermarket. I had some Christmas lights, a microwave and a fairy wand sex toy in a pouch. I took the smaller items and threw them in. There were two guys standing with an iron in one of the guys hands, I thought they were throwing it in. I went back to get the microwave from the car and it turned out they were going through the recycled items for salvage. When I returned they had the fairy wand out and were inspecting it closely.

I threw in my microwave and tried to sashay off confidently but I was blushing like a beetroot

I asked the lady in my local post office what i should say if I don't want to tell her what's in the box. She said if i can't tell her, she won't accept the parcel

I mentioned this thread to her and said 'what if it was a sex toy?' She suggested just saying 'toy'!

I then hastily assured her that my parcel definitely wasn't a sex toy