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Original poster

WHEN will husbands sex drive decrease????

28 replies

jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 22:14

So.....the husband is 55. We've been together for 13 years, no kids together but one each with previous partners. I'm 48... For 13 years I've been waiting for his sex drive to decrease. But no. It's stayed at the same level throughout.......and at times it's exhausting.....especially as I age myself.

We've had a few runs ins about it over the years, with compromise on both our parts....and now, it usually ends up once a day, minimum 5 days a week....usually 6. His mood is very closely tied to how much sex he has but I could take or leave it.....for weeks, months even!! I don't really want to carry on having to have sex pretty much every single day...but also, I do love the closeness of our relationship, which for him...seems to feed from the amount of sex. Ugh, such a pain...

How much longer might he stay like this???!! My previous husband had zero sex drive, so moving on to someone who was really good at physically intimate was great at first....however...no matter what is going on in our lives.....stresses/strains/business/family issues.......his sex drive is mad....and mine gets really affected by lifes little happenings..

Anyway, just wondered whether I'm the only one with a sex mad middle aged husband!!!! Yikes!!!!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 04/01/2016 22:16

Once a week is enough for me. Don't think I could cope with once a day any more. Your compromise is once a day? How many times does he want sex when not compromising??

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 04/01/2016 22:17

His mood is very closely tied to how much sex he has

You mean he sulks and gets moody with you until you consent to sex you don't really want?

I don't think you can expect his sex drive to decrease any time soon, but really that shouldn't be relevant as you should be having a mutually agreeable amount of sex, not sex that he pesters you into.

dementedpixie · 04/01/2016 22:18

Sulking for not getting sex is deeply unsexy

Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 22:21

I'd say it's 5 to 6 times a week....which ultimately is not my ideal preference.. Everything else about him is A1... I'd just like his drive to decrease.. I'm completely amazed that it hasn't!!!!!!!

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Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 22:22

.....like.....if this is gonna be the case til he's well into his 60's...then... bloody buggering hell!!! Have to make a new new compromise..

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wonkylampshade · 04/01/2016 22:23

I agree sulking about sex is a complete and utter turn off!

My DP also uses sex as a way to relax and feel good, whereas I like it when I'm relaxed and feeling good already - very important difference there! We've discussed it and I think we have a middle ground and an understanding now which has helped if we're going through a phase of being out of sync with one another.

warmleatherette · 04/01/2016 22:23

Ooh....my ex was like this. We were together for 14 years. No words of wisdom because I was caught in the same bind as you, liking the closeness of the relationship but sad that that closeness could only be brought about by tons of fucking, which I wanted less and less as time went on. Not because the relationship was bad but because I didn't...want it all the time. Good luck with everything. I've been celibate since 2011 and have no problem with this despite being formerly a very "sexual" person.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/01/2016 22:23

I'm not sure there's any guarantee that his sex drive will drastically decrease any time soon. I'd be happy with sex once a day buy I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who was only going through the motions to keep me happy. Have you talked about this with him?

CocktailQueen · 04/01/2016 22:25

Sounds like you're giving in for an easy life an awful lot. Yuk. Sulking if he doesn't get sex is horrible and coercive.

No idea when your h's sex drive will calm down but you need to be able to say 'no, I don't want sex today' and not have repercussions.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/01/2016 22:26

Are you both orgasming every day?

If you're not I'd be saying that I needed a gap between sex to build up the hormones to orgasm again

And do you mean penis in vagina sex every time? Or is it cuddling with a bit of a feel up every day

Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 22:27

We've talked about it constantly since we've been together, cos his drive was SUCH a shock for me.....and I was kinda banking on it being a 'beginning of a new relationship' thing.. Talked LOADS about it since and still do....but like you said wonkylampshade, for me...the sex is better when I actually feel sexy myself.. The difference between him and I on that score is SO striking....and seems like such a bloody cliche....with him being able to 'perform' no matter what level of life pressure he's under...

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Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 22:29

Aiy yes, I can say 'no' and it's taken as a no. Not a problem there. Thing is though, I could see myself as 100% celibate and not have a problem with it.. so that's not really the answer. I'm happy to have a natural decline....in him....so long as there is one!!

Him yes orgasm, me maybe 3 to 4 times a week...

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Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 22:31

In conclusion, nature seems to be kinder on men (hormones etc) and I don't like that very much!! :)

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Concerned97 · 04/01/2016 23:33

God I find your reaction shocking! My OH has always had a higher drive from me, but not be moody went I can't match!

But hoping he would change.....sorry I wouldn't ever want to change him and would me mightily pissed off if he was hoping that my drive would increase!

We are what we are, we run along together, amicably.

Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 23:45

Ohhhh!!! No. When I say his mood is closely tied to how much sex he has.....I don't mean he's a git TO ME cos of it or anything... It's more that...he's energised mood wise, by sex... :) (or rather... :( )...

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Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 23:47

No, not looking to change him either. As I said, I think my expectation was that with age, his drive would decline. We have a laugh about it constantly.....but that doesn't stop it from being true....(that he has what I consider to be a ridiculously high drive for his age).. :)

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Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 23:53

...so the original post was more of.... ----> Does anyone else have a 55+ husband who likes to have sex every day? cos that was NOT my expectation from someone of that age....

rather than....

My husband is a right 'orrible moody git when he doesn't get sex every day and he totally takes it out on me.

:)

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BertrandRussell · 04/01/2016 23:56

So you're having sex when you don't want to. You do know what that's called, don't you?

Original poster
jemimavintage · 04/01/2016 23:59

No, not sex when I don't want to. cheers. Just asking about the sex drives of older men :)

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Original poster
jemimavintage · 05/01/2016 00:00

Far worse for me (relationship wise) was a husband who had NO sex drive. That was bloody awful...

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BertrandRussell · 05/01/2016 00:02

So if he has a high sex drive and you are fine with that- what's the problem? Surely you should be worried about it decreasing, not hoping it will......

Original poster
jemimavintage · 05/01/2016 00:08

I had this the other day on twitter when I supported a rape charity who were organising 'consent' education at universities. I got completely black and white pounded (and I mean p-r-o-p-e-r-l-y trolled....one would troll, then another one would jump in...and another and another...) by a load of 'mens rights' groups...who were like: "DO men need educating on how not to rape? Yes or no!! Just answer the question!!".... (Incidentally, my answer to that question would be that there's no harm in bringing the issue of consent to students).

The original post, as I said was along the lines of.....perhaps on occasion...one of the two parties is less up for sex than the other. I'm sure there are times (granted, not that often) when I'm more up for it than he is - in fact, there are times....when he's down with a cold or something.. The original post was NOT: I am being forced to have sex against my will, what are peoples thoughts on this.. :)

Older guys, I would have thought their drives would decrease..

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Original poster
jemimavintage · 05/01/2016 00:15

BertrandRussell, you're also welcome to comment on your experience of 55+ mens sex drives, which is what the post was making an observation on..(albeit, the observation of one man)..

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WallyBantersJunkBox · 05/01/2016 09:07

I can't comment on experience of sex with over 55s but my partner is noticing that as his age increases he can't maintain the level of physicality he used to.

No one can predict the future...men can suffer from erectile dysfunction and other health problems as time passes and this would affect their drive no doubt.

I'd be tempted to meet a compromise. My DP is happy to self please while we have a kiss and cuddle on the bed for example. The problem is it really makes me excitable Blush

SurferJet · 05/01/2016 09:13

Can't you put something in his tea?
< unhelpful - but that's what I'd do >

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