Has porn ruined a whole generation of men?

[Doughnutsandflapjacks33]

I posted on the OLD thread but thought I would post here.

I have been on line dating on and off for 10 months, looking for someone to spend time with and eventually have a relationship with. I get quite a few messages each day, mainly from men in their 30's, we chat and it before I know it they are talking about sex and sending photos ( what happened to wooing a girl?), I have found most of these men are obviously into watching porn in a big way and have all these ideas of what they want to do in bed, not once do they think of asking me what I would like to do, obviously on a porn movie the girls always look as though they are enjoying themselves so it must be good right? ( wrong ). I have to admit I have met up with a couple of these men and the sex has been very disappointing.

I am now getting close to giving up looking for the ideal man, a whole generation of men seem to have been ruined by watching porn ( or is it all men ?), I want to meet someone who doesn't want to get me straight into bed to act out a scene from their favourite porn movie, I want a man that I feel comfortable with and I don't feel rushed to do anything, I want a man who asks me what I like in bed, a man that doesn't assume I am having a good time.

Porn has a lot to answer for

Not necessarily just porn, it's more the Internet AND the prevalence/ease of access of EVERY kind of porn really.

I agree.
Dh and I had the same convo yesterday.
Some people have lost sight of what a normal relationship is.
Why do men think we amwoujd enjoy seeing a picture of their cock even if we are really into them?

I think men are just more comfortable expressing their desires and have had the virtual opportunities to explore their interests.

I'm sure you could think of plenty of exciting, experimental things you'd like to try - why not share those ideas with them in return?

I think it's partly that it has all become too easy. If they only want sex, then they just fire messages out to lots of women, and don't waste any time with pleasantries or getting to know and like you. It's straight to the cock pictures in the hope you'll return some of yourself.

If you don't, one of the other women (probably with low self esteem, unfortunately) will and they'll get what they were after: either virtual or real sex without having to actually consider that it's a real woman with feelings and wants that need to be considered.

#NAM.

MephistophelesApprentice generally people share things like that, and want to try "experimental" things with someone they trust. Not a faceless weirdo on the internet. And that trust comes with knowing that the other person gives a fuck about you, cares that you also have a good time (both with regardsto sex, and ootherwise) and doesn't just use you as a semen receptacle.

But not evryond wants a exciting experimental relationship. Many people want loving vanilla relationships in the contexts of a long term partnership.

I agree op.

MephistophelesApprentice
Hahahhahahahahaha
You're joking, right? Or trying to express the most ridiculous counterpoint ever made on the internet.

I don't think its going to get better anytime soon

We'll have virtual reality sex
Sex bots
But look on the bright side there will be sexbots for women so no need to suffer sexually inept men!

Exactly poocat, for me there is sex (snagging someone you don't know very well, doing all the positions under the sun and experimenting) and there's making love (vanilla sex, maybe some experimenting, looking into each others eyes and feeling the passion ).

I have to say 'I have had a lot of sex' but 'not much love making', I don't find changing position every few minutes a turn on, I don't find acting out a scene from a porn movie a turn on and I have had enough of people sending me photos of their tackle (it doesn't turn me on, quite often it has the opposite effect ).

Mephistopheles I recall from previous posts that you are a man, right?

Either way you have demonstrated the gender imbalance in porn when you say that men have had the virtual opportunities to explore their interests.
Correct. Because porn does not normally consider what is pleasurable, or even comfortable, for women. It's all for the male gaze.

I fully agree, although I remember seeing some 70's porn that was actually quite educational. Lots of big bushes and much made of clitoral stimulation.

Dh is 30. I am 42. I had to reeducate him. Fortunately he is a fast learner. I have in the past dated men 15-20 years older than me and they were in general far better lovers than their younger counterparts.

Modern porn is all about being done up the arse and having your face spaffed on - er, no thanks!

I agree. Older porn is more natural, new porn seems to be filthy and painful (does anyone really enjoy things shoved up their ass and being spat on?).

Lets not forget that there is a cornucopia of sex toys aimed at women,

"Modern porn is all about being done up the arse and having your face spaffed on - er, no thanks!"

Steady on, it's only 10am...

Has porn ruined a whole generation of men? Quite possibly, along with a shocking lack of consideration and basic manners that OLD has usher into things.

I suspect that porn creates an atmosphere of entitlement and dissatisfaction.

Lets not forget that there is a cornucopia of sex toys aimed at women, God forbid that women have even an ounce of pleasure in their lives eh?

I think it may have given men different expectations, unfortunately. There's probably a load of young men who would be alarmed by the presence of any bodily hair and consider facial ejaculation as a standard practice.

I think porn is definitely damaging to sexuality. When I was 18 there was so much emphasis put on never doing things you aren't comfortable with. And now some men, particularly younger men seem to expect deep throating and various mysogynistic practices as a vanilla part of sex.

I have found myself saying to some people 'I'm not a porn star you know'

I came across one man who liked to spit down my throat during sex - I think he must have got that from porn.

God forbid that women have even an ounce of pleasure in their lives eh?
Did I even say that??
No I did not

Granted the porn/ sex toy analogy is not a tight one, even so it is possible to construct a parallel argument

Modern porn is all about being done up the arse and having your face spaffed on.

God yes, and never a pubic hair in sight.

Not seen porn for years, and don't want to if it's all anal and spitting

I will say that 5 or so years ago I had a phase of men in their early and mid twenties , and there was a notable difference in the way they went about sex, compared with the young men I slept with when I was also in my 20s. (Young maaan)
No one tried to spit on me or get in the back door, but it was all a bit "fast forward".
I guess porn just shows the good bits not the long boring foreplay! Men my own age (late 30s) grew up with mags more than live porn and have a more real life approach in general.
Also, the Internet just offer endless permutations, and one clip leads to another. I know I can fall down a you tube hole sometimes and realise I have jumped from clip to clip (music stuff usually) and wasted hours. I imagine if I were a 15 year old boy doing this with porn day in day out It would greatly influence my attitudes to sex and women.
In fact I have read a lot lately about how porn really does fuck up the brain chemistry, particularly when used during the adolescent years.
This is, as cattheif attests, with a confident older woman a young man (young maaan) can be put right about all this, but young woman tend to be less confident, and to go along with stuff so maybe it doesn't get challenged.
I do have a fond memory of being the first woman a 24 year old had encountered pubes on...It didn't put him off

I have a good male friend who worked as a cameraman for porn films over a period of 10 years or so. He got out just over 20 years ago as he felt uncomfortable with the fact that they were increasingly unrealistic. He felt they were setting people up to believe "this is how it should be" and now says he has been proved right.
He is appalled by how freely they are available to teenagers who in their formative years are getting a false impression of what sex should be about.

I agree with you OP and it's why I no longer bother with dating. I am single and happier that way.

Seriouslyffs

Having spoken to a lot of men in the subject, and being one myself, it's the way a lot of them feel about it. Have you asked them about it yourself?

CuttedUpPear

There is no problem with sexual media directed at only one gender, any more than there is with sex toys for one gender. Coercing others into sexual behaviors based on those toys or media is the real problem.