Has porn ruined a whole generation of men?

[Doughnutsandflapjacks33]

I posted on the OLD thread but thought I would post here.

I have been on line dating on and off for 10 months, looking for someone to spend time with and eventually have a relationship with. I get quite a few messages each day, mainly from men in their 30's, we chat and it before I know it they are talking about sex and sending photos ( what happened to wooing a girl?), I have found most of these men are obviously into watching porn in a big way and have all these ideas of what they want to do in bed, not once do they think of asking me what I would like to do, obviously on a porn movie the girls always look as though they are enjoying themselves so it must be good right? ( wrong ). I have to admit I have met up with a couple of these men and the sex has been very disappointing.

I am now getting close to giving up looking for the ideal man, a whole generation of men seem to have been ruined by watching porn ( or is it all men ?), I want to meet someone who doesn't want to get me straight into bed to act out a scene from their favourite porn movie, I want a man that I feel comfortable with and I don't feel rushed to do anything, I want a man who asks me what I like in bed, a man that doesn't assume I am having a good time.

Porn has a lot to answer for

Meph I don't doubt for one second that it is how a lot of men think about sex. To jump from 'Wahey ladies just jump in there and enjoy the ride' rather than seeing it as a massive problem and something to be resisted and fought against is what I was laughing at.

Yep. ^^ I am not too sure I can think of "plenty of exciting, experimental things" I'd like to try.
I think I've probably done them all by now.
I'd quite like a bit of missionary and a nice lie down please. With someone who isn't trying to pull my hair or slap me round the chops with his, er, chopper. (This has happened to me.)

Do men really send strangers pictures of their cocks? Grown men do this? Blimey? I think id justblaugh if someone i wasnt already going out with did this. Isnt it just like being a pathetic old flasher?

Never had to do OLD as yet ....

Isnt it just like being a pathetic old flasher

I think the two phenomena have a lot in common and yes it is ubiquitous in OLD.

Quite astonishing how many men develop the urge to expose themselves to strangers when they can do it from the comfort of their own homes rather than donning a mac and going to the park

To be fair, many women on OLD aren't shy about sending explicit photos either.
Also, not all porn features hairless people, nor does it always involve anal, spitting or 'facial spaffing'.

I have a good friend who is in his mid thirties, he recently had a short relationship with a 19 year old girl. He discussed it later saying that she ruined it because SHE had watched too much porn. He felt that rather than getting on with what comes naturally she assumed he wanted her to act like a porn star and she duly obliged. He said rather than have sex with him she performed sex for him. Standard porn star moves are usually designed to show the mechanics rather than be pleasurable. She had a tongue stud that she used to unpleasant effect and did things that were technically a turn on but in actuality were a bit off-putting.

He did say she was a bit naive (she is 19) but he wanted to just tell her to knock it off and just concentrate on the basics.

I have a young dd. I would love her ti grow up in a world where sex is sbout mutual pleasure, mutual fun, mutual experiments and mutual resepect.

Sadly I think 1990 was closer in those attitudes than 2015. How the hell did we travel backwards??

Like Cat, I fear that online porn is ruining sex for a whole generation.

He did say she was a bit naive (she is 19) but he wanted to just tell her to knock it off and just concentrate on the basics.

So why didn't he?

I watch a lot of porn. I enjoy anal, so I watch a fair bit of that, facials are cool, can't stand spitting though.

he felt uncomfortable with the fact that they were increasingly unrealistic. He felt they were setting people up to believe "this is how it should be" and now says he has been proved right... He is appalled by how freely they are available to teenagers who in their formative years are getting a false impression of what sex should be about.

Do we have conversations with our DSs about how porn is not real life? Because that's really the answer. You know, how you have the conversation about "Driving to Tescos is not like Need For Speed 2" and "When you grow up you may work in a bank or become a doctor or lawyer or maybe work in retail, but you're not going to be James Bond."

I have had this conversation several times with my DS. He's actually not particularly interested yet (late developer) but he knows damn well that porn is made for show, and bears about as much resemblance to real sex as an action film shooutout does to someone actually getting shot.

...what happened to wooing a girl?

It died in the name of equality and sanity. Thinking 'the ideal man will woo me' never did a woman any favours. Pay a cafe waitress $20 to spill a small glass of water on a new guy and his reaction to that, and to her, will tell you more in ten seconds than a dozen dates he treats you on.

This may sound hypocritical but why is a man in his mid thirties dating a 19 year old?? What could they possibly have in common? I have dated men as much as 9 years younger than me, but they were over 21 fgs!
Sorry but I find that a bit eeeeewwww.

I think you're right OP. I fear for my DDs dating future.

Pocket saviour

Haven't a clue why he didn't want to tell her, I'm assuming he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Ifnotnowthenwhenever

I wouldn't have done it but they're both adults.

A recently divorced friend of mine, 42, been married 20 years, re-entered the dating scene with people of similar age and was astonished.

''They all, without exception, want to be porn stars, they all suggest anal and they all try to deep throat me. It was a little off putting''

So it appears that it's not only young males who watch porn and take guidance from it.

And - as ever - the key to solving the possible problem with our kids, or lovers, is communication, to explain that porn is a performance for a market, having sex together is simply some people having fun together.

pocketsaviour Do we have conversations with our DSs about how porn is not real life? Because that's really the answer.

Totally agree. And these are difficult conversations. I've commented to my older DSs, when sex scenes appear on TV/movies, that they're unrealistic. And when they ask why, I say because they're so unloving, it's usually all urgent and animalistic and much too quick, and immediately afterwards the guy either leaves or at best they talk about something other than the fact that they've just had sex - because the plot demands it. And my boys' response is, how would you know?!

This is more than just a joke. They really do think that their opinion of what sex is, is the 'real deal', nothing to do with whatever weird, outdated, romantic notions the old man has. Their ideas come exclusively from porn - and their mates - and mechanical, impersonal sex scenes on TV just reinforce them. We've had arguments about porn & prostitution where they really resist any notion that they involve exploitation of women. They have porn very mixed up with freedom. I'm hoping that real relationships - they're pretty inexperienced - will make them see this nonsense for what it is, but tbh the fact that they already have these ideas depresses me.

It entirely depends on the person, it's not porn that's the problem, it's the person.

If you have been bought up well, have had loving relationships, respect and trust your partner then watching porn does not ruin men.

If you are easily led and influenced then it can be a problem.

I can have a bet on the grand national every year without gambling being a problem, I exercise restraint. I don't let it lead to me betting on more races or games.

I can watch pornography on a regular basis but I am under no illusion that some of the things I watch are not part of a normal loving tender sexual relationship.