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Original poster

probably done to death but...

46 replies

NotAMamaYet · 11/10/2015 17:53

I have never had an orgasm.

I'm relatively experienced I'd say, been with current partner 18months and a few long ish term relationships before that.

And I don't even think I've ever come close. I enjoy sex but there's never any sort of conclusion to it, other than other half .. Ahem, finishing.

a handful of times I've felt something that I imagine is the beginnings of it but nothing mind blowing as it's always described

Ive tried to just forget about it and just accept that it will happen when it happens but can't help but feel boyfriend finds it off putting/annoying/an insult (?) that I don't.

Obviously we've discussed it..

Just hoping for some miraculous stories of it just happening to someone and desperately hoping I'm not one of these people that just can't!

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 11/10/2015 18:21

Do you mean during sex or never at all? I don't orgasm during sex unless I have clitoral stimulation at the same time (I do that for myself mostly ).

Original poster
NotAMamaYet · 11/10/2015 18:34

No never!

The closest I have ever got is during sex, never even close by myself Blush

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 11/10/2015 18:35

You need to practise more then Wink

Nevergoingtolearn · 11/10/2015 18:52

Maybe invest in some toys?

I didn't have one until I had been with several people, kind of thought I never would, now I have multiples, I don't think I would feel fully satisfied if my partner had finished but not me Sad

Original poster
NotAMamaYet · 11/10/2015 19:11

We recently went to Amsterdam and it was only here that I felt I could kind of broach the subject..

And he is totally against them. Said he wouldn't like it if I had one. Which I guess must be kind of common.. (?)

OP posts:
Savagebeauty · 11/10/2015 19:16

So because he's said he doesn't like them, you're not going to get one?
What's it to do with him?

AnyFucker · 11/10/2015 19:16

Men who don't want their female partners to use a vibratory, even when they are clearly struggling to orgasm, are shit in bed and inadequate lovers

Op, get the vibrator and dump the loser boyfriend

You will never look back

ComeLuckyApril · 11/10/2015 19:40

Ignore him. Get a Magic Wand!

Nevergoingtolearn · 11/10/2015 19:42

I agree with the above, get a toy anyway, he's probably worried that a toy will give you more pleasure than he can. You can use the toy together, it doesn't have to be something for you to use on your own.

monkeyfacegrace · 11/10/2015 19:44

Snort at him not wanting you to get a vibrator.

Fuck. That!

It's not his body. I suggest a magic wand too. And to hell with his thoughts.

Doublebubblebubble · 11/10/2015 19:44

And he is totally against them

Well bully for him... What an ass!

*Men who don't want their female partners to use a vibratory, even when they are clearly struggling to orgasm, are shit in bed and inadequate lovers

Op, get the vibrator and dump the loser boyfriend

You will never look back

^^exactly this^^^

Doublebubblebubble · 11/10/2015 19:46

Also... You can double click the mouse yourself...if you get my drift...as well. Learn what you like and then work your way up to other toys...

WhyDoesGastonBark · 11/10/2015 19:52

I don't understand how people can have multiples, I get really sensitive and ticklish after and end up laughing like a loon!

annandale · 11/10/2015 20:08

I have had an orgasm with a partner - once - I felt a circle of sensation moving outwards and that was that. To call it underwhelming would be an insult to whelms.

However, I do get substantially closer than I used to years ago. A big change was realising that it helped if I squeezed my vaginal muscles during sex, I used to do this entirely for my partner but the thing is to concentrate on doing it in a rhythm that is good for you. I was 40 before I realised thisBlush Likewise, concentrate on finding positions that at least bring your clitoral area into sustained contact with his pubic bone. I have realised that a slow grind in the missionary position is best for me, I used to say it was doggy style because they were all equally crap and at least doggy meant I didn't have to put on a sex face. Now I'm a big advocate of sex in the dark as it makes it easier to fantasise. (that's important too.)

I am at least reliably able to get there myself, but not helpful as it's not reproducible.

Tirfarthoin · 11/10/2015 20:22

You need to know yourself and be very comfortable with your sexuality and the best way to do this is to experiment with lube, your own fingers and a vibrator. Your partner will not magically know what you like and certainly won't know if you don't. If he is being a prude things are not going to get much better, I'm afraid.

You need to do some serious pelvic floor exercise - Kegals - till you are so over it, then do some more.

Ilikefrogs · 11/10/2015 20:29

I thought there was something wrong with me for years as i'd never had an orgasm with anyone. In fact, I used to get utis all the time so sex was not particularly enjoyable.
Fast forward to my new partner and he makes me orgasm several times practically every time we have sex.
He is an amazing partner, not just in the bedroom and the key is that I feel totally relaxed with him and we communicate.
I've never once worried about my body/doing anything I'm not comfortable with etc. and I completely trust him.
I think the fact he won't 'let' you get a vibrator is very telling. Why would he not want you to try things that you light find pleasurable?
I think other posters have summed it up already, although I would probably speak to him first about your lack of orgasming and why he eouldnt want you to use toys.

Ilikefrogs · 11/10/2015 20:32

I forgot to add that I cant orgasm through littoral stimulation - it can add to it but I am generally too sensitive there. I need actual penetration to orgasm (cock, toys or fingers!)
I thought there was something wrong with me because of the clitoral thing too as everyone I spoke to said that was what did it for them!

Ilikefrogs · 11/10/2015 20:33

*clitoral obv!

AnyFucker · 11/10/2015 20:35

Men who are great in bed get the most pleasure from your pleasure.

Original poster
NotAMamaYet · 11/10/2015 21:36

Thanks for all the advice!

My boyfriend is really attentive in the bedroom and we do have a lot of fun so it's not like he's selfish. If I'm honest I think I just need a huge amount of time. Like... Hours? Is that possible? Although sometimes if it goes on too long I just lose all enjoyment ... Sorry if tmi.

I guess I don't have a huge amount of body confidence and because of the fact it's been such a long time since we first discussed it I feel if I bring it up now it's a reflection on him.

I think if I bought a toy he'd feel betrayed. I think really I just need to man up and ask him.

Ps googled magic wand BlushBlush (my exact face)

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAMamaYet · 11/10/2015 21:39

Just realised maybe I'm not as experienced as I think...

OP posts:
Original poster
NotAMamaYet · 11/10/2015 21:42

AnyFucker - I think he does! or at least did. When we first had the discussion he said and knew that these thing s take time ..... He's not an idiot but I feel like it's taken so long....

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 11/10/2015 21:45

If he thinks he has a right to stop you buying or using a vibrator then he is a fucking idiot
Why let him control you like that?

AnyFucker · 11/10/2015 21:48

If you think for one minute you have to ask his permission to buy a vibrator, then you have a massive problem

If he feels "betrayed" then my advice is to run very far away

I also suspect that he is also nowhere near as experienced as he likes to think he is

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 11/10/2015 21:50

I was 34 before I had an orgasm.

I sort of thought it would never happen and I'd accepted it. I didn't dislike sex, it was enjoyable, sometimes I'd feel a strange kind of fluttering but it never went anywhere. There was no natural 'end point' for me. And as for self-pleasure, seriously thought there was as much point to that as rubbing my big toe.

Then one day, I don't know why, but I thought sod it and bought a rabbit. I just assumed I had nothing to lose and I was a bit annoyed that I didn't even know what this supposedly great thing felt like.

It took five minutes in a darkened room. Grin

I found it very, very upsetting. I know that's a ridiculous reaction but I felt so overwhelmed and confused. It's not that common to feel something so utterly new at the grand old age of 34 and tbh, I was just relieved I wasn't broken.

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