Erm...lubrication issues with DP. Does this happen to you?

[extrastrongblackcoffee]

Ok, so I'm in a same sex relationship, in case any of you are wondering whether I'm a guy. That's cleared that up.

My gf and I have been together for a few years now and we've always had a really good sex life. Since we've both started new and more demanding jobs, it's less often, but when we do have sex, it's still very satisfying.

However, my gf has recently developed a 'problem' with getting wet, or at least having a very delayed reaction iygwim.

Now she swears that it's not me, it's her, but it's really hard to believe sometimes. When we talk about it afterwards, I can understand where she's coming from and it makes sense. The stress, the tiredness etc, but during, it's hard to remember that tbh and sometimes I do take it personally and get a bit upset. She tells me to carry on and says she feels really turned on, but after a while it's like, surely this is hurting and it doesn't feel right to carry on. I have stopped a few times and she gets understandably frustrated with me and I feel bad, but it's hard. Maybe it's because I'm the complete opposite and I get really wet, really quickly and tbf, so did she.

I just wanted to see if any of you ladies have this problem and is it really nothing to do with your partner?? Is there anything we can do? The problem is, now we're getting into a bit of a cycle, because I think she's worrying it will happen, so it does happen because she's worrying about it happening

Advice would be well received.

Ta ladies.

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She's not forgetting to drink and getting dehydrated is she? Can be an issue for me, dry eyes are usually the first sign, but does affect other areas.

How old is she? Peri-menopausal hormone changes can cause a dry chuff.

Sorry to sound crass, but how is this an issue with two women? Is it more that you feel upset that she's not physically turned on? Isn't it a problem when there's a penis involved or am I being naive

I am having this problem but it is after having a baby recently. I believe its hormonal so maybe something to consider?

fug its not just piv that benefits from lubrication you know..... Anything involving hands/toys will also.

Hi OP I think it's normal sometimes, it happens to me sometimes even when I'm really excited, me and my dh just use a bit of lube. I would try not to worry or make an issue out of it, it only makes things worse.

Sounds menopause-related? Reduction in oestrogen often affects production of natural lubrication. Why not just use some lube? Nothing to be ashamed of.

Ah ok. There's some good products in boots for dryness, maybe would help her

Oh also, I get quite dry at different times of my cycle - right after period has finished for example, maybe it's that

please don't take it personally, I have a similar issue and it's also a new thing for me. I still love and find my husband attractive, still enjoy sex just as much as I ever did and not menopausal. No idea why, just get some lube and don't make it into more of an issue

Fug, well no, it's definitely not only necessary with piv. I mean, even just clitoral stimulation needs lubrication. It just doesn't feel right and I would have thought it would be very uncomfortable. I'm genuinely worried I'm hurting her, so that's a really hard thing to shift in my mind. Even when she's telling me it's fine.

She's only in her late 20's, so menopause would be fairly unlikely. Not impossible though, I know.

She did say she wanted to go to the Drs, so maybe getting her blood tested is the way to go.

I'm not being a very good partner am I? I'm only going to make the problem worse by getting upset and taking it personally. At the time, I just can't seem to shift that feeling that it must be something I'm doing wrong.

I struggle with this. It seems very much linked to my mental state. You need to stop making this an issue as it will make it worse.

We use lube and it makes it a non-issue. It means I can relax and not worry about it. the more of an issue you make it, the worse it will be.

I sat down with my partner and made sure he realised it was my issue and I wasn't sure whether it was hormonal/mental or what, but that I didn't want him to think it was him. We agreed to just use lube and not worry about it and it has improved a lot.

could you do some saucy shopping together? Pick a few things to try including some lube? Then just use it, without commenting on the situation, and see how she feels?

flan, I know, you're right. I mean, either way, it's not her fault.

I'm not sure how she'd feel about using synthetic lube tbh. Sorry if this is tmi, but I usually use.... ahem my own to help her, which she loves.

I hope I haven't done too much damage by taking it personally and so making it into more of an issue

I have always had vaginal dryness; no matter how mentally and physically turned on I am, I very rarely lubricate enough to allow penetration without lube. However, I find with a new partner I do get more natural lubrication, but after a while of being together it goes back to "normal" (normal for me) which has prompted a previous partner or two to say "Don't I turn you on any more?"

I am old enough now to just say "I need lube and always have, so let's just dollop this on and carry on, shall we?" Of course you get some idiots who say "Ah well love, you won't need that with me because obviously you've never had a real man before blah blah yawn boast" but I use that as a nice handy guide as to who doesn't get invited to my bed again.

Maybe you could ask her if she fancies trying one of the Durex play lubes? Their minty one gives a really nice sensation. But if "donating" your own natural lube is working for both of you, then I'd just carry on!

I almost always have to use lube - I just don't get that wet. Nothing to do with not being turned on.
Definitely don't take it personally, just use saliva if you don't want to use lube.

I get this too, nothing to do with not being turned on by partner. Sometimes things just don't quite play ball down there. Since we're going down the tmi route, I find a bit of oral reminds my undercarriage that it's supposed to be creating its own lubricant. Donating your own sounds - I have no idea what adjective to use here, but definitely a positive one!

DH and I always use a bit of lube. It makes everything smoother until we are warmed up.

Thank you for all your reassuring replies. I thought I was going to be told off for taking it so personally though I understand I really do need to learn not to.

I guess I'll just carry on "donating"

pocket, I was worried that, like you say, the relationship isn't new and so maybe the excitement had dyed down slightly. Even if this is the case, I genuinely do believe her when she says she's just as turned on as before. I mean, the sex is better than ever, but yes, it's not new I guess. I don't mean that in a negative way and overall, I do believe that it's more to do with stress with my dp.

Durex do a lube which doubles as water based massage oil. It's a nice way of introducing lube without it feeling too clinical. Everything feels better with lube!

Happens to me even whwn extremely excited. Probably dehydration

sex, ah ok. That actually does sound more appealing. Thanks.

moopy, personal question, but does it not feel uncomfortable? I don't mean piv. That would of course be uncomfortable but just being touched? I think this is my confusion, because if it was me, I would be turned off with that feeling of dryness and I would have thought it would start to hurt.

.....point being, she tells me to keep going.

Honestly if it was hurting she would tell you to stop. I too am in a same sex relationship and sometimes I've asked her to stop and sometimes she will ask me if I want to stop. But sometimes even though I'm not wet it still feels nice and I will eventually end up wet. I can usually gauge it :)

Lube is ace. I use it regardless of natural wetness, just gives you more options and no need to ever worry about dryness. Water based is essential. Or make your own...

I'm taking medication which causes this and ex-p used to get a massive sad on that I wasn't getting turned on. That made things worse as I would stress about the issue and dryness was worse.
One reason he's ex, so little empathy. So, just get round the issue!!

I don't get that wet. It's not a big deal. Lube is great stuff! Flavoured ones, tingley ones. The most realistic feeling ones are silicone lubes, they last longer too. Just don't use them with latex toys.
Not everyone gets that wet and yes as you are in a relationship longer it does get harder to get as turned on so quickly. It doesn't mean the attraction isn't there it's just the way the body works!