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Original poster

Is it possible he's TOO big? Not a stealth boast

46 replies

srtajuanita · 11/07/2015 20:14

So, met someone I can really see myself with long term. He's clever, so funny, sexy and we can't keep our hands off each other.

We had our first time together this week, using condoms, and it was hellish painful. He is both ridiculously long and thick. When he withdrew, there was blood on the condom. I'm no virgin, and he wasn't aggressive or uncaring. I really could see myself with him, but don't want to commit myself to someone who is just too big. I don't want to tell him to not thrust so hard and put him off.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 11/07/2015 20:17

How big are you talking? Vaginas are stretchy so as long as you are well lubricated there shouldn't be blood.

Original poster
srtajuanita · 11/07/2015 20:23

About 8 inches I think but really, really thick. I couldn't get all the width in my mouth. There's a pic of a Pantene shampoo bottle on my MN page as an ad, width/circumference seems like that. I'm actually sitting here wincing...

I know we're built to have babies, btw. Thanks x

OP posts:
Debs75 · 11/07/2015 20:27

you will get used to it.
8" isn't huge but seen as the average us 5"-6" it can seem mammoth.
have you spoke about it? when i told dp i was sore from him he was very attentiveWink until i got used to it.

RaaRaaTheLion · 11/07/2015 20:30

I was in the same the same position when I first met DH, OP. It took me around 6 months to get 'used' to such a large girth and we've only just started having sex again 8 months after the birth of DD.

Lweji · 11/07/2015 20:30

Do tell him not to thrust so hard if it's painful to you. If it puts him off, he is not the man for you.

Original poster
srtajuanita · 11/07/2015 20:31

Thanks D, we had to have a bath after the blood so he knows it was a bit tricky. I want him to have fun too, so don't expect him to be too gentle.

OP posts:
Lweji · 11/07/2015 21:00

Yes, but he could also have fun without hurting you. Unless you enjoy the pain.
As good as he seems, dump him if he is not concerned about you getting pleasure too instead of being hurt.

paxtecum · 11/07/2015 21:04

I'd be doubtful about him.
He must have known it may have been uncomfortable for you, so he should have been gentler.

annandale · 11/07/2015 21:05

There are things that dh and I don't bother with because of the particular fit between us, they aren't fun. If an activity isn't good between you, try something else. I sympathise tbh, find it difficult when a guy is bigger than average. I do wonder how turned on you are before he enters you though?

Original poster
srtajuanita · 11/07/2015 21:12

Lots of food for thought here. We are a fairly LDR so will have to address next time I see him.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 12/07/2015 10:18

I would drop him with a "thanks but it's not working for me/we're not a good match".

Saying "you'll get used to it" is all very well, and yes you will get used to having pain during sex and bleeding afterwards, but that doesn't mean you should.

Some people are more stretchy than others. Just like penises are different sizes, so are vaginas. I can't and won't have sex with a guy any bigger than average, it's just fucking excruciating no matter how much lube is used or how slow he goes.

MrsEvadneCake · 12/07/2015 10:21

You might need to try different positions to be comfortable but you need to be sure he will be careful and you both enjoy it without pain.

VivaLeBeaver · 12/07/2015 10:24

I dumped a bloke for this ages ago. He had a ridiculous sized cock. I was in pain and bleeding after sex. He seemed oblivious.

siiiiiiiiigh · 12/07/2015 10:28

bleeding after sex isn't normal. You should show your fanny to a medic if it happens again.

AyeAmarok · 12/07/2015 10:31

I've had this happen a few times, although the penises weren't as big as this one sounds! You do get used to it, but make sure you are turned on properly first (TMI, sorry, but if I have an orgasm before sex I tighten up again and it doesn't go in). Also, having sex regularly helps, it's worse after a gap.

Do you know where the blood was coming from OP? Had it split the entrance of the vagina? Or do you think it was coming from the inside/cervix? (which might be more of an issue).

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 12/07/2015 10:36

I've only ever slept with DH (been together since we were teens) and I always assumed what he was like was what everybody was like iyswim.

He's around 9 inches (a bit more tbh) and pretty large girth wise. I can do v little orally tbh.

I have never, ever bled after sex. He has always been gentle and especially back in the beginning took things very slowly indeed. There are a few positions which we just cannot do as I feel like my cervix is being used as a punch bag but I would never, ever continue with sex that was hurting enough to cause me to bleed

I find this quite worrying tbh. Why would you continue with "hellish painful" sex?

UnsolvedMystery · 12/07/2015 11:31

Sex being painful doesn't mean that he is too big or that he is an insensitive bastard. Do you know what caused the pain and bleeding? Was it internal or external? Sometimes my cervix bleeds - it's not my DH doing anything wrong, it's a hormonal problem.
If it was from the entrance of your vagina, then was the foreplay suitable for your need. He could have spent an hour on foreplay, but if he made no attempt to relax and slightly stretch your vagina, then that could have caused problems.
Was there enough lubrication? You can always use extra, sometimes that really helps.
Good communication is the key to this. Sex should not hurt. It's not a matter of putting up with it until you get used to it, it's about working out the best solution to the problem together.

AyeAmarok · 12/07/2015 12:12

ps- I meant you get used to the size, not the pain!

Debs75 · 12/07/2015 14:03

pocketsaviour i don't think anyone was saying you will get used to the pain or bleeding. sex with a larger than average cock takes some getting used to. the positions which are best, how much foreplay, how fast , how slow.

it is something which can be worked at as long as both partners are aware of the issue.

did the bleeding stop quickly? i remember getting a 'tear' once which stung but healed well with no bother. if you are bleeding from your cervix it might be worth seeing a dr.

gatewalker · 12/07/2015 14:20

OP - How long do you spend on your arousal before penetration?

Totallycrazy30 · 12/07/2015 18:19

I have found that if my current dp does not spend enough time on fore play he can cause me to bleed it did worry me at first so i did go and get some tests done but everything is fine!! I just have to make sure we don't get straight to it (sometimes we can't wait Blush)

Zillie77 · 12/07/2015 18:36

I probably couldn't have managed a penis like that before I had children, but now that I have given birth, I could accommodate several of those at once, even, should the need ever arise.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 12/07/2015 22:41

My partner is another extremely well endowed guy in girth and length.

I agree with all you need to be properly aroused for it to feel great, not only lubrication but I know I expand a bit when excited.

He is extremely careful but I am always sore afterwards a little. Like the day after a work out. But I actually like that feeling

I don't like the fact that he can't just lose himself, so I find that lying on my front with my ankles crossed means I can squeeze my thighs and control the depth to my liking while he gets his rocks off.

He always asks me if the feeling is ok throughout though.

I have bled a little but it's been close to menstrual timings and with a mirena.

Original poster
srtajuanita · 13/07/2015 10:41

I really appreciate your answers. I know he's not oblivious, it was our first time and we are super good at communication. I've sent him some of your tips, he's worried it hurt and doesn't want it to. Thanks again x

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 13/07/2015 17:05

I perhaps mis-read the "you'll get used to it" comment ;)

OP I forgot to ask if you used lube? As I've got older I've needed it more. And if he is that thick then you would probably want it as extra anyway.

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