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Original poster

he spat in my face

31 replies

ummmmmm · 28/06/2015 18:06

Is this a thing? Do people get turned on by that? Hmm

It's a pretty new relationship, we've been seeing each other about 3 months. He's a bit kinkier than previous partners, but after coming out of a long marriage and almost non-existent sex life a couple of years ago, I've been quite happy to try new things. Nothing too out there, stuff like dressing up, sex toys etc. We always talked about stuff beforehand, I've never felt like he's made me do things I didn't want to try.

But this was weird. We were having sex, he asked me to spit on him. So I did, just gently, thinking it was slightly weird. Then he just spat in my face really hard!

I didn't like it at all and it was so unexpected. I haven't told him yet, but I will. I guess I just found it really odd, and a bit demeaning. I'm wondering if we're compatible after all.

OP posts:
sanquhar · 28/06/2015 18:09

I've heard this comes from porn.

i would ditch if that happened to me. what would be next? trying to bash in my back door? jizzing on my face?

he has a warped view of what normal sex is like

littlejessie · 28/06/2015 18:13

It's the connotations which make me feel a bit Shock! I'd have hated this too OP, disrespectful not to discuss beforehand and it's also a bit like simulating an attack of some sort. Horrid.

AuditAngel · 28/06/2015 18:14

You need to tell him it isn't for you. If he doesn't respect that, then ditch him

Fatstacks · 28/06/2015 18:16

Not very pc but if my DP or anyone else gobbed in my face I would have him down the banks.

Dirty, demeaning sod.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 28/06/2015 18:17

It's completely demeaning. There isn't really a scenario where spitting on someone is an act of respect, not that I can think of anyway.

I know dominating/being dominated does it for some people but it really is the kind of thing you discuss beforehand, not in the act.

Original poster
ummmmmm · 28/06/2015 18:21

It's just making me wonder what else he's into really. I'm wondering if maybe I've just scratched the surface, and he's actually into much more hardcore stuff than he's letting on at the moment. And yes it is just demeaning and makes me worry about his view of women. But on the other hand he is a very sweet, mild mannered bloke in real life!

OP posts:
Redglitter · 28/06/2015 18:26

That's disgusting. what kind of person does that without discussing it first.

msrisotto · 28/06/2015 18:34

That's appalling! WTF? What was your reaction when it happened? That's incredibly disrespectful.

Original poster
ummmmmm · 28/06/2015 18:43

Well it was all in the heat of the moment, we just carried on then went to sleep. The next morning I had to go to work so I left first thing. We definitely need to talk about it.

OP posts:
UnknownMoniker · 28/06/2015 20:44

I am amazed you carried on! I'd have just hauled the breaks on and said what the fuck was that?

It's really not ok. Fine if he asks to be spat on out the blue, I'd do it, if I didn't feel comfortable with it we'd talk after. But for him then to just do it to you Without talking /knowing you like it/ would give consent , is not on. It's does show a real lack of respect for you.

Madamecastafiore · 28/06/2015 20:49

Ooooohhhh I had a fling with a professional Western Samoan sportsman who spat water at me then spanked me. I weighed 8 stone and he was about 16 stone of pure muscle and about 6'4" tall!! I shot across the room like a human cannon ball.

Last time we had any grown up time I can tell you. Disgusting behaviour!!

luckiestgirlintheworld · 28/06/2015 21:07

Yeah he needs to ask you if he can do stuff like that beforehand. If he is into kinkier stuff than you, you need to work out beforehand what you'd be happy with trying. As an adult he should know that.

Zillie77 · 29/06/2015 02:55

This surprises me a bit-I guess I would think that this early in a relationship, a man wouldn't need any special tricks to enjoy himself! Maybe a few years in, if things were getting a bit mundane, a partner might suggest introducing some off-beat moves, but...

Zillie77 · 29/06/2015 02:57

Dressing up, toys: no problem.
Spitting in my face: no thanks.

BitOfFun · 29/06/2015 03:26

Porn addict. Bin.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/06/2015 05:16

spunk in my face? erotic

spit in my face? goodbye!

DoreenLethal · 29/06/2015 05:19

Yeah, thats a no from me.

PurpleDaisies · 29/06/2015 05:21

Horrible. An immediate dealbreaker for me.

Canyouforgiveher · 29/06/2015 06:02

I'd have sat up and said what the fuck are you doing get off me. And then would never have gone out with him again.

I kind of agree with bitoffun - he is a porn addict (and also agree with her - - bin)

as a relationship how is he otherwise? Do you talk about favourite books or movies together, do you chat for hours about life/friends/ family/tv/whatever?

Or do you just get together, have a drink or a meal and have sex?

Although honestly, the man could be talking intelligently about the Greek exit crisis and Anthony Trollope's greatest novel and I'd still tell him to f-off if he spat on my face without me explicitly telling him that was ok.

Nevergoingtolearn · 29/06/2015 11:37

If you don't like it then tell him not to do it again. He obviously watches porn and has no respect ( or maybe he thought you would enjoy it ), the man I am seeing is into things which I'm not that keen on but he always asks me first, wouldn't just go ahead and do it, if I do try something new with him he asks me if I enjoyed it and I always say if I don't. I wouldn't be happy if he spat in my face, I would have probably kneed him in the nuts Grin.

msrisotto · 29/06/2015 12:04

It's not just a case of telling him not to do it again. How can you trust him not to violate your boundaries in the future? Do you have to specify every thing you don't want him to do? Have a sign above the bed? No spitting, golden showers, strangulation etc? What's the next thing he's going to try without asking? I don't like it.

notthestereotype · 29/06/2015 17:33

No, sorry. That's not a 'oh, just while I remember, can you please not spit really hard right in my face next time we have sex?'conversation. It's an immediate 'wtf was that?! Get the fuck off me and do one!' conversation. Yes, some people get off on it (beyond me, but each to their own) but you discuss it first ffs!

pocketsaviour · 29/06/2015 18:23

I guess as you did spit on him when asked he thought it was okay to return the "favour".

I probably would have vomited. I have a real horror of spit. I don't like french kissing either!

I've watched a huge amount quite a lot of porn and I've never seen anyone spit in their partner's face. On their genitals, yes (which I also find horribly gross.) But I haven't watched any "mainstream" porn in a few years so maybe this is a new thing...

pocketsaviour · 29/06/2015 18:24

Addendum to above: I don't mean it was okay for him to spit on you without asking. I'm just guessing that was his assumption.

SurlyCue · 29/06/2015 18:28

I dumped a guy recently who kept asking me to spit on his face during sex. I wouldnt do it. It seemed really wrong for some reason. I also expected that he was working up to asking if he could do it to me Hmm

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