Way to make husband realise I'm really horny?

[Anon15]

we've had sex only once since January, (re:childbirth issues).

I'm up in bed, he's downstairs watching TV and my god, I'm sexually frustrated.

Last few nights I've started to kiss him suggestively in bed but he just goes to sleep.

We've been together for 11 years and went through a stage of not having sex for 2 years and I'm worried it will go that way again.

We've never talked dirty, or say exactly what we want in bed, so I'm thinking how can I go about telling him I need a shag, and soon?

Thought about sending him a whatsapp of some sexy undies and fluffy handcuffs and seeing what his response is? He's always initiated sex, I never have so feel embarrassed

My God, I feel like a virginal teenager xx

Can I enquire as to what is stopping you saying ' I'd like to have a chat about our sex life with you? ' or is that too simple?

I don't get why you would what's app him handcuffs etc if he's been pie-ing you off a bit by going to sleep when you kiss him.

Just talk to him

I second talking to him. I wouldn't send fluffy handcuffs photo of it would come completely out the blue to him, as its a bit full on after a sex lull. Could you not even just text him jokingly and say "right, you, come up! I'm horny and we either need to have sex or have a chat about why not!"

Though actually that might be a bit too direct? I don't know! I'm crap a this sort of stuff! I hope you get your shag though

It's the nerves he will say no that's stopping me, I guess I'm scared he's gone off me, we never really talk about sex to be honest x

If you have whatsapp, send some of the flirtier emojis. Keep sending them one at a time until you're both amused enough that you can send a half-naked selfie.

Throw your knickers at him. I'm being dead serious. Literally throw them at him and see what he does. He should either maul you or throw them back at you.

Kidding aside. Just talk to him over a glass of wine. The booze will loosen tongues as well as pants hopefully.

Don't send him emojis. Talk to him. He's your husband ffs. Out you big girl pants on and mildly enquire about your sex life and say you'd like to get it back on track

FAR less embarrassing than pictures of whips or whatever

Anon I have a similarish post up , have not had sex in a long time and I'm wondering are ye too far gone. I have been indulging in private and masturbating and I feel better for it. My big problem is dh really let himself go and he is much heavier than before and not as fit but I'm thinking maybe I can get past it. I have dropped hints last couple of days and nada !! This morning I got of the shower in a skimpy towel and was stretching looking for jeans etc , nothing !! I'm lying in bed now and he's watching a movie with ds. And then he really irritated me earlier so now I don't know if I even want to go there. I'm so messed up. Sorry that wasn't much help except I recommend a good masturbation session , I've done it 3 times today and I feel fantastic for it .

Go down and tell him you want a shag. OR text him what you've just told us I'm up in bed... and my god, I'm sexually frustrated.

I think most men would respond to that

The thing about sending emojis instead of real words in a message, or going down for a face-to-face chat, is that it feels far more possible when you're squirming with embarrassment.

Ok girls I update my position. Op I felt like you this morning and I am so sexually frustrated . I stripped naked and put on a tiny towel, I pretended our hot water was out and I had to wait for it to heat. I got back into bed. Result !! Not much happened except a bit of feeling and back rubbing and nice stuff coz I think he felt he wasn't prepared . Ie showered etc but I'm going to wear something nice tonight and see what happens. Tbh if this doesn't work for me I know in my heart that I will go elsewhere as I can't continue to live like this but this morning was step in right direction.

I really can't understand people's inability to say- can we have sex/shag/do it? - to their partners.

I'm sorry that's not very empathetic but surely it's far easier than sending pictures of handcuffs, emojis or lying around naked?

That's ok f it fay I kind of have the same problem . I'm hoping something will come from the advice here for me and the op so I just decided to follow it. Will see what happens. I'm worried if I don't sort it I will cheat, I'm im such better form of I have been getting some.

Op did you try anything yet

John it's not that easy to broach a subject that has been a huge elephant in the room. I did actually say to my dh this morn that I need a shag but it was easier after been messing around for a while in the bed.

I know- I don't mean to be harsh.

I'm just surprised that in this day and age people even let it become an elephant in the room. Even if we're not having regular sex dh and I would always talk about why/why not.
It seems many women are unable to verbalise their desire for sex. I don't mean deep explicit stuff, but even a 'cor it's been a few weeks now- shall we?'
I just wonder why.

Hope you got some, op

I would've texted him come up and bend me over. Any bloke would be straight up!

But texting won't do it- if he's got some issue- fear/ illness/stress/tiredness/ then he's not going to just storm upstairs...why not have a face to face conversation?

From what op said, they haven't had much sex due to issues from giving birth. I think the partner may just have been sensitive to this and not pressurising her - leading her to not feel desired. That was my take on it, like a vicious cycle

We need an update/happy ending

Maybe there hasn't been an update because the OP is, ahem, busy Fingers crossed anyway.

Hey ladies, I'm just up feeding the baby so thought I'd update

To the person who asked why we once didn't do it for 2 years - I had a very difficult birth resulting in a 3rd degree tear that required surgery. This surgery went wrong and sex was almost impossible until they fixed it, then I had another third degree tear with my youngest, who's 11 months, hence only 1 shag since jan as I'd only just started to feel normal again.

As for the needing a shag - I spoke to my DH and he said its kind of 2 things bothering him, he doesn't want to hurt me (third degree tear obviously and the pill makes me a bit dry so makes the chances of hurting me more) and he doesn't want to get me pregnant again (on waiting list for vasectomy). He did say he finds me sexy even though he knows I don't believe him as I've gained 4 stone since we got together.

I dispatched him to adds for condoms and lube and am happy to report we had a good time on Sunday evening

It's such a shame though that there are several of us that can't talk to our partners about this stuff....

That is a good outcome op.

Now you have a code you can use as well if necessary - "do we have any lube/condoms in the house?- just wondering..."

Yay great outcome, hope it was good for you too. So sorry about two 3rd degree tears, poor thing