Y8-2023/2024

@RaisingMissDaisy

Same here. The two girls she hangs around with have really bad reputation and are on weekly report. I have had a couple of meetings and head of y8 tells me he knows that's not her but she can't stop hanging around with them.

She tells me everyone in her tutor hates her and one of the other girls of the 3 (the other was o moved to different class) but her teacher tells me that's not true.

It's good to hear friendships are improving, and things seem more settled for some of the dcs.

We're already one week down, the holidays always seem to fly by.

Ds has chosen art and DT for GCSEs, but looking at other threads on mumsnet, I'm wary it isn't a wise idea, and now worried he'll be drowning in portfolio work and what not in yr11. I'm trying to talk him into choosing one and changing the other to computer science (something he wanted to do too).
Exams after the break, and he said he would definitely do some work...I'm waiting for the work to start 😩

@LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket that's sad to read. Hopefully getting the assessment won't take too long. Hoping things improve for your dd.

@Fluffycloudsfloatinginthesky and @RosieRiveting hope you're able to get assessments for your dcs too.

Oops was supposed to tag @RaisingMissDaisy not @RosieRiveting

DS still doing OK. He has inattentive ADHD, is August born and not the most mature for his age even besides that, so starting secondary in 2022 was a bit of a worry. But he has found a crew of mates and mainly I'm trying to get him to be more proactive about seeing them at the weekends/holidays - he has a phone and is quite good at travelling independently but is still reluctant to sort things out himself and tends to have me contact his friends' parents.

After thinking he'd maybe got over panicking or freezing in class when he can't do something (a persistent problem in primary school), that seems to be coming back. I think as things get more challenging he's having difficulty keeping up again and we have asked HoY to investigate what further support DS can access to help him cope in class.

What a lot of slightly tricky updates!

Things do seem to get more complex socially at this age. I know a couple of others in my social network exploring the possibility of ASD/ADHD for the first time, and now several on here are now at a similar stage.

One of my friends has a DD in Y9 who has had debilitating stomach pains on and off for a couple of years, and the current thinking (after loads of tests) is that it’s likely to be caused by anxiety which stems from possible ADHD – she is struggling to remember everything and is so worried about getting into trouble.

Wishing everyone as smooth a ride as possible through assessments and requests for support from schools etc.

@CouldNotStayAway there does seem to be a lot of warning on here at the moment about the coursework load on art and DT! I’m sure if it were really a big problem the school would advise against doing both. Does your DS know anyone else choosing both?

DD is interested in computer science as an option (she doesn’t choose until next year) but it’s a subject her school is struggling to recruit for, and I understand it is one of the worst subjects nationally in terms of teacher shortages, so I’m wary. It’s a shame to have to think of staffing when choosing GCSE subjects!

@Echobelly belly that sounds like a tricky thing to support him with, with so many different teachers who no doubt have their own approaches. So important to get it right, of course. I hope the school can suggest something that is practical.

How are they enjoying the break? We had a city break last week which worked well with our 13-y-o only child, and DD has now done all her homework (she didn’t have too much.) DH and I are working (I work from home) so she has a quiet last few days which she is appreciating, though she is spending rather a lot of it glued to one screen or another…

Hi all
@LetMeJustCheckMyCitrusPocket sorry to hear about your Dd and hope you get an assesment soon. Our Dds seem to be tracking each other! Mine also had a good first term of Yr 8 but its all fallen apart going into Easter - friendship hassles and being excluded. She has one really good friend however and some other positve things are happening.
I guess this is the 'building resilience' of which parenting books speak...but painful to see and hard not to jump in and try and 'fix' everything.

Hey can I join please?

My daughter is in Y8 and getting on so so well with all her subjects.. she has a lovely group of friends aswell which is really good. However things haven't gone well recently.. it's a friendship group of 5-6 girls, and my daughter was really keen on two of them in particular. For what seems like no reason whatsoever, these two girls have decided to block my daughter on everything, which was so upsetting as it came out of the blue and there was no explanation.

My daughter then had a message late at night from one of them offering no explanation but just saying it was for the best.

This has knocked her confidence so much. I've tried my best to reassure her and said the other girls seem really friendly still, so just go in today as normal like nothing has happened.

Whilst nothing nasty has been said (as yet), I'm just wondering why people have to be so unkind? I realise that this will build resilience in my daughter, which is the only good thing I can take from it.

Any advice please xx

Hi @Willowswood and welcome!

I think it’s a tricky age for girls (I don’t have experience with boys.) I think some are just unkind to protect themselves by making sure someone else is the underdog. It is so horrible for your DD to be on the receiving end.

My DD struggled with friendships in Y7 and still isn’t comfortable being herself in her form. Fortunately, in Y8 they mixed up the teaching groups and she has found kinder friends. It took her a while in Y8 to even be receptive to making new friends – at the start of the year she felt that the safest thing to do was to keep her head down and concentrate on her work. It was so sad to hear her make this decision, and I’m relieved that she gradually warmed to her new class and has found her people - for now, at least. It will all mix up again in Y9 so I’m not looking forward to that!

Does your DD do any lunchtime clubs or activities with people other than this friendship group? My DD has found different friends from various activities, and it does help to keep her spirits up that she can look forward to seeing those other friends, even if it’s just once a week, if things are a bit rocky with her main group.

I hope things settle down soon. How was her day yesterday?

@LetItGoToRuin -
After lots of thinking, DS has decided he will switch art for computer science; I think that'll be better, hopefully. I do think computer science is a good option with the whole coding/AI etc (I sound like a dinosaur right now 😂)

@Willowswood welcome, sorry to hear about your DD, I really hope things improve for her. I don't know whether it's hormones, but it seems there's some sort of stirring in friendship groups at this stage too.

Hope the rest are doing well...can't believe it'll be end of year 8 soon!

Well I can't believe it's the last term of Y8, where has the time gone? Sorry to hear about those with friendship issues. Similar happening here, no bullying or bad feelings but my DD moved away from her small group of friends as there was an unhelpful personality clash. She's not found a new group but she's friendly enough with a range of people that she isn't totally isolated except at lunch times. Lunch breaks are the super short style though so she just eats her lunch, reads her book and then it's time for lessons again.

I'm hoping she'll find herself a new group. They split for their GCSE options in Y9 so that might help a bit. It's definitely a tricky time. I remember when I was 13 we were falling out with each other ever other day.

@Willowswood welcome. So sorry to hear about your DD, I'm in the same position.
I don't know why girls are so unkind but I don't think phone culture helps things at all. Mean girls can 'get' to their classmates even when school is over.
My dd has just been in tears again.
I'm speaking to head of yr 8 again tomorrow.

@LetItGoToRuin @CouldNotStayAway @MaitreKarlsson

Thanks so much for such lovely replies, I do have an update but I'm at work at the moment so will update later.

This thread is so helpful to me x

Just realised I didn't update..

It lasted a few days and then they came crawling back asking to be friends again, and all was well. I advised my daughter to be her normal self and that's what she did.

Anyway, last night it all happened again, and the reason was because she has a cold and would not stay off school. Despite the school saying pupils shouldn't stay off if they just have a cold and feel ok.

🤷🏻‍♀️ honestly these girls are horrible.

@Princesspollyyy sorry to hear that.
The up and down nature of it is really difficult to handle isn't it.
I never know if my dd will come back having ha a good day or a terrible day. Exhausting for them (and us)

Thanks so much for replying to me. They are all friends again now, but I expect the rollercoaster 🎢 to crash down again soon. At least my daughter is kind of used to it happening now.

@Princesspollyyy it's good to hear they're back to friends. Hopefully things will remain calm until the summer holidays!

We have end of year exams this week; I did prefer the exams being after half term last year, just felt like they had a little bit more time to try and revise.

He's also changed his choice from art to computer science, and I'm glad he has, after reading about the workload with both art and DT I was worried.

Can't believe we are coming to the end of year 8, feels like it's all whizzing by!

Hope all others are doing well.

@Princesspollyyy that all sounds exhausting! I think some people just like the drama and are always looking for a reason to fall out with people and then make friends again. My DD hates not knowing whether someone will be friendly from one day to the next. Hopefully yours will learn to ride with it and not let the off days get to her too much, hard as that is in practice!

@CouldNotStayAway my DD also has end of year exams this week. I’m on the other side of the fence to you – pleased it’ll all be over so they can have a proper week off!

In DD’s school the exams don’t seem to be important in terms of decision making (no setting or subject choices to make, no prizes/awards) but the school do seem to make quite a big thing of ‘exam week.’ Parents’ evening a few weeks ago consisted of each teacher advising us which areas DD should focus on, etc. I guess it's all good practice for GCSEs, which will be with us in a flash!

It seems to be going ok and DD seems to feel she has done enough revision – she has read 1½ novels so far this week during the revision slots that are scheduled between the various exams (she assures me she has done some revision as well!)

Exams after half term for us. I was a bit worried as mine was making a bit of a meal of starting revision. But then she did just start and seems more positive now. I do think it's good to be working on revision and exam techniques at this point, but when she gets in a state over it I start dreading y11!

It all seems so different to when I was at school – I don’t remember any exams until mock GCSEs – but I am quite old and when I did GCSEs (only a few years after they were introduced) there was a lot more coursework. English was 100% coursework, for example!

Hopefully by repeated exposure to exam conditions and several cycles of revision > exam > review they will become more efficient in their revision techniques and less stressed by the whole process.

Can't believe we are in the final term. With the way the weather is, I have to remind myself it'll be summer holidays soon and not Christmas break 😂

The last half term is racing by here. It's been 2 weeks of end of year exams, last one tomorrow. After that they go all in on trips, I feel like I've signed a million permission slips this week.

I’m a bit sad for my DD that it’s getting to the last weeks of the year. DD has had a much happier year in Y8 with friendships and with this year’s teaching group, and I can’t help but be apprehensive about the students being mixed up again for Y9!

This week has seen the Y8 exam papers returned to students in class. Her school (girls’ grammar) is a bit funny about releasing scores but of course the students add up their marks and there are comparisons made. DD just rolls her eyes at the one or two in her class that claim to be ‘devastated’ only to have scored 95% etc…

However, it was a bit of an eye-opener yesterday when DD got home to say she hadn’t done very well in one exam, and then added that she was worried about telling us! After a bit more of a chat it transpired that some girls had been really worried for their results because they’d get into trouble with their parents if they hadn’t done well…

Obviously, we reassured DD that we will never be disappointed in her if she has done her best, but it really made me wonder how much pressure some of those girls are under at home.

Its still seems like there's loads still to happen.

Yr8 have just started Spanish in addition to French. It was sprung on them just before half term.
They've had the auditions for next years musical. Matilda. DD will be a dancer (and singer) again... the teacher wanted her to act but she refused and they won't push it.

And her biggest excitement... finally a school residential which involves going away. She had camping on the school grounds in Yr6 and Yr7 but not actually going away.

And we've got transition for her sister starting at the school next term.

Hope everyone is doing OK as summer holidays approach?

Update from me on my DD. I got thoroughly fed up with the situation and registered her for an occasional place at several other schools. One has now come up and she is sitting the exam this week. It may or may not be an answer but we agreed if you feel really stuck, it's better to try something different! It may be that just sitting the exam makes her decide she wants to stay where she is.
A friend of mine said recently ; we live much of our lives worrying about our children, yet it's often outside our control. It's so frustrating.