Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Advice needed pls - Do you think this teacher is BU, and what do I say to her?

103 replies

ilovepiccolina · 30/11/2009 21:24

DS is 16 and takes his mock Maths GCSE this week, real thing in the summer. For the past few weeks he's been coming home saying that Miss sent him out of the class for no good reason. I know that he can fidget, not listen etc so have ignored this. Then on Friday he came home angry, frustrated and upset, saying that he had put his head down briefly onto the desk, and she had shouted 'Right, out NOW' etc. & made him stand outside for 15 mins. Another boy was sent out for making a noise as he yawned. (They were both 'disrupting' the class.) He says that this was totally unjustified.

She'd gone home by this time so I've sent a note asking her to ring me. I am very concerned that DS is missing valuable tuition in a subject he struggles with. I bumped into at CA friend who's worked with this teacher, she said if she was the parent she would kick up a stink, and that the teacher is hopeless at teaching basically - she doesn't get 'on task' for the first 20 mins so no wonder the dch get bored/sleepy/distracted.

Why couldn't she have said to DS 'Sit up straight!' He said he would have. Is there not a better way of dealing with this behaviour? DS says all the other teachers ignore it.

What should I do?

OP posts:
cory · 02/12/2009 19:42

Well, you've had your talk with your ds and he agrees that he has been out of order in the past. SO maybe you could get him to understand how a teacher could easily lose patience with him on an occasion when he didn't actually mean to offend.

The question is, where does he go from here? Even if the teacher had been totally unjustified on every occasion (which even he agrees is not the case), that still won't help him later in life when he is trying to get a job- nobody will be interested in hearing about what a rotten time he had, they'll want to know if he can do the job. So what are his plans for getting the maths mark he needs? That's what you both need to focus on.

violetqueen · 03/12/2009 09:02

People seemed to have assumed that the putting head on desk and yawning by other child were deliberate acts to provoke .
It is possible that they weren't and that the teacher has overreacted.
I'm sure there's fault on both sides...
How did the phonecall go ?

cory · 03/12/2009 09:25

well, violet, it does seem there is a bit of an ongoing saga

but we haven't all assumed that the ds was deliberately provocative on this occasion; just suggested that the OP should discuss with her son why he might have been perceived to be so by the teacher

sometimes it is necessary to moderate one's body language so as not to offend people

and we've made helpful suggestions for how he could improve his maths marks in general

because in the long run, the important thing is not to micromanage his relationship with this particular teacher- she won't stay part of his life, but to give him the skills to get on in life

in a couple of years time, he will both need this maths mark and be able to manage his body language so as to give the right impression in either a job interview or a university interview

Tinuviel · 03/12/2009 13:32

Putting your head down on the desk 'for a break' is not acceptable in a GCSE lesson. Breaktime is for having a break. Walking between lessons is a break. I don't think expecting a 16 year old to concentrate for one hour, which will not have been 60 minutes of heads down working, is unreasonable.

frogs · 03/12/2009 16:09

Violetqueen, a 16yo should have sufficient self-knowledge and self-control to regulate his bodily functions according to the situation.

We all feel tired in work situations sometimes, but we don't yawn and put our heads down for a nap even if we feel like it, because we know it is not acceptable. End of. A 6yo needs to learn this, and I would expect the teacher to point it out gently. A 16yo should have learnt this by now, and if he chooses to do it anyway should expect to face the consequences. In two years' time he could be out in the workforce -- if he hasn't learnt by then how to conduct himself in boring meetings he'll have to find out the hard way when he gets sacked by his boss.

It's not brain surgery.

mmrred · 03/12/2009 18:47

I think I'd be very wary of letting the child decide what is disruptive and what isn't. While he has his head down on the desk, how can he tell what effect he is having on the behaviour of the other students? (who all have their GCSE Mock this week, too, and despite your perception of her as a rubbish teacher the other kids were all on task and working)

And I'm very impressed that he knows his friend was sent out for 'only yawning' when he wasn't in the room at the time. Perhaps he doesn't need to worry about maths GCSE if he can see through walls!

tearinghairout · 03/12/2009 21:07

Presumably the friend came out afterwards or they talked about it after.

mmrred · 03/12/2009 21:34

Right - as 16 year olds are always scrupulously honest about their behaviour in relation to the punishment they get...

echt · 04/12/2009 06:12

If the OP's child is predicted an E, their chances of getting a C are vanishingly small, unless they are able but lazy. If this is so, then a kick up the arse is in order. If it's based on ability alone, then even a tutor at this stage will be lucky to get them to a D.

Ability-related matters need to be tackled by personal tutoring at the start of Year 10 minimum.

Jopeg · 07/12/2009 19:32

Just wondered how you got on, did you ever speak to his teacher? Also to say you have my sympathy, I have a daughter who gets sent out quite a lot and whereas I think she may well have done something wrong, I don't think sending her out is necessarily the answer. Kids who are disruptive largely want to be the centre of attention, so sending them out does just that.

However, no point making an enemy of the teacher however good or bad she is, best to take the 'working together' approach.

Original poster
ilovepiccolina · 07/12/2009 21:49

echt fair point. Not just lazy, (but defo lazy!) no, he's a bit dyslexic, very good with his hands/creative/sport but not good academically. I did have a tutor for a bit but it didn't seem fair to make his life a misery doing stuff he hated when he wanted to be out on his skateboard... (DS that is, not the tutor!)

Jopeg, absolutely, I realise there's no point in me 'siding' with DS against the teacher. Realistically he is stuck with her, and she with him, so must make it work.

Anyway, she hasn't phoned me. I am slightly pissed off tbh, that she hasn't. In any case, I am hoping that my letter (which was short, and polite!) will make her think more creatively than just sending him out. He says that all the other teachers ignore him when he does things like put his head down. Which kind of backs up what you're saying.

He's had his mocks this week. (If she's not teaching so much she should've had time to phone?) Anyway, he said he answered all the questions. We'll see how he does. If awful, I'll make sure I get an appointment with her!

Thansk for all your comments people. xx

OP posts:
cory · 08/12/2009 07:30

ilovepiccolina Mon 07-Dec-09 21:49:11

"Not just lazy, (but defo lazy!) no, he's a bit dyslexic, very good with his hands/creative/sport but not good academically. I did have a tutor for a bit but it didn't seem fair to make his life a misery doing stuff he hated when he wanted to be out on his skateboard... "

Are you not babying him just a little bit here? He is nearly a grown-up, so surely it is up to him to decide whether he needs these marks for his future career, in which case he had better put up with stuff he hates for the sake of a greater good to come.

Goblinchild · 08/12/2009 07:55

"He says that all the other teachers ignore him when he does things like put his head down. Which kind of backs up what you're saying."

Or that many of the other teachers have given up bothering about him and are concentrating on either the actively disruptive or those that are worth the input and respond to teaching.

Goblinchild · 08/12/2009 07:58

"I did have a tutor for a bit but it didn't seem fair to make his life a misery doing stuff he hated when he wanted to be out on his skateboard..."

I often object when my job gets in the way of me having a life, but no one has been as understanding as you about my attitude. I've just been told work first, then fun.
It's just not fair.

cory · 08/12/2009 08:13

I have to admit, piccolina, that the skateboard thing nearly did make me wonder if you are a troll.

This would be a perfectly reasonable attitude to take towards a 4yo- let him have his childhood and all that, but hardly towards a young man who will soon need to earn his living.

scaryteacher · 08/12/2009 08:16

(If she's not teaching so much she should've had time to phone?)

She may not be teaching her Year 11s, but will be teaching all her other classes, plus invigilating the mocks and marking the exams as well. Doubtless she will also be taken for cover during her Year 11 lessons if necessary. Your year 11s doing mocks does not equal a free ime.

At this stage of the year for Year 11, why should she have to think creatively about how to deal with your son? If he was constantly disrupting my lessons, then he would be outside the door at a desk with his work, or I would have arranged for him to be in with my HoD during the time I was teaching him, again with work. He would also be spending breaks and lunchtimes with me to catch up what he had missed, and would not be allowed free time (apart from for food) until the work was done.

Jopeg · 08/12/2009 12:18

Scaryteacher I suspect that if you taught Picolina's son she wouldn't have this problem in the first place...

scaryteacher · 08/12/2009 13:03

I wasn't known as 'the bitch queen from hell' by some of my students for nothing!

missslc · 09/12/2009 21:27

I am afraid that he needs to be told his behaviour is not on- why should she have to use her energy getting him to sit up- she has got a lesson to teach. If she is weak at managing behaviour, it will not be from want of trying as it is a skill that some teachers just find very hard to master( as more parents do no doubt) and to be honest this is the teacher he has got so he has to get on with it and show the minimum of respect by paying attention, whatever his feelings are about the value of her lessons.

The big problem in schools today is that children are not disciplined appropriately at home by the parents so what hope have teachers got in creating a structure- when the kids just are not used to being told when they are doing something that is not on.Of course many manage to implement effective strategies that prevent toomuch time being wasted but all teachers face some level of behaviour management issues with some classes.

I am not suggesting this specifically for your son as sometimes teenagers just behave how they behave, they get bored, they are disrespectful no matter what discipline they are used to in the home - but she is simply demonstrating there will be a consequence to him behaving in a disrespectful manner- i.e he is going to lose out.

Obvioulsy if it keeps happening you need to have a chat with her to find out the extent of the problem but often teachers just get so sick of the same kids disrupting their lessons, they just want an immediate solution.

Whatever you have heard about this teacher( and boy can teachers gossip about each other ) i would try and support what the teacher did and encourage your son to behave in a way that is respectful.In the end, it will be your son who loses out. It is just not worth it.It is important that rather than finding excuses for his behaviour he acknowledges that what he did is not apropriate so he can avoid doing it again.

scaryteacher · 09/12/2009 22:22

The above is long hand for give him a rocket about his behaviour and point out that if he screws up his GCSE maths, he'll have to resit and that will be even more dull than getting it right now.

missslc · 10/12/2009 01:42

yes i agree- be a scaryparent so we don't have to be scaryteachers please.

Goblinchild · 10/12/2009 07:37

She won't.
He'll get an E.
She'll blame the teachers.
Same old, same old.

scaryteacher · 10/12/2009 14:19

I am both a scary teacher and parent. Pity my poor ds.

mmrred · 10/12/2009 15:36

I love the idea of dealing with his behaviour more creatively - 'cos she's the one who needs to work harder

How about she hand-embroiders him a little pillow to rest his PFB head on and she can take his maths exam while he has a little sleep.

Original poster
ilovepiccolina · 10/12/2009 15:39

at Troll comment! I'd think of something a bit more exciting than this...

Yes, he is now 16 (as of four weeks) but not very mature. But he is getting there. I hope that by the time he has to earn his living, in two years, he will be 'there'. I wasn't mature at 16. It's easy to look at 16yo & think they're grown up, but some aren't.

Enjoying skateboarding doesn't just apply to four-yr olds. In fact, not to 4yo at all IME. Our local skatepark has 6th formers from school perfecting their tricks too.

Scaryteacher, thanks. I respect your comments and will try AGAIN to apply the required rocket to his rear end. (Nag nag nag - not sure he listens any more)

Goblin - I don't know what to say to you. So .

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread