Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Grrrrr sorry this is a silent vent about ds who is 'undecided' re university - bit late!

87 replies

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 20:28

just offloading really

ds seems to want me to pick his course. Up until three weeks ago ( but only for about 12 months prior IYSWIM) ds wanted to do medicine at university

Then he waxed and waned a little

Then he was in the National youth Theatre over summer and came back all fired up to be an actor

Then started making 'jokes' about not doing medicine

DP willing to just let it all lie but i wont and start questionning if its right for him...cue daily changing of mind

Cue me starting to stress over unwritten personal statement

.....him getting moody now and saying 'no one has done it' and still no nearer WHAT exactly he does want to study

Anyone been here and offer me sound advice ...

OP posts:

frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 25/08/2009 21:24

But the original advice still stands - give him some time to work out what he wants.

If he asks you to decide then the above is my considered opinion!

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:24

ponders my friend at university was the same with law

OP posts:

Ponders · 25/08/2009 21:28

He's got to decide for himself, NAO - don't let him put it on to you because if it all goes wrong later it'll be your fault.

If he can't decide this year say OK, fine, do something else while you make your mind up - don't decide for him, whatever you do!

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:28

frakkin he has just 'told' me that the 'tutors' told him that they NEVER ask why a college was chosen

i despair

OP posts:

LadyMuck · 25/08/2009 21:28

So what is it about Oxbridge that attracts him? Why not Harvard or Yale where he can try a number of different courses before specialising.

Fayrazzled · 25/08/2009 21:30

At Cambridge, he doesn't necessarily need to choose a college- he could make an "open" application and be allocated a college. However, the colleges are very different in their strenghths and "feel" so he might prefer to choose.

Having said that I was allocated my college through the pool system and it worked out fine for me- I had a blast.

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:30

hmm just had a chat ....

i dont want any involvement - he has always been so independent but now i feel he wants me to tell him what to do and i wont...

it's that causing friction..

OP posts:

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:31

lady muck he was dead set on yale at 14 (that was back in his barrister phase!)

OP posts:

frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 25/08/2009 21:31

Not in the 'formal' interview. In the informal chat bit (which they are still listening to and judging you on).

Apparently there are 3 ways to answer that question well:

You have a family/personal connection
You are a possible rugby/rowing blue and it's a sporty college
They have a reputation for something you are very, very good at/interested in such as drama or running an active college newspaper...

LadyMuck · 25/08/2009 21:32

But the questioning is more subtle than why you have chosen a particular college. Once you have chosen your college and your course you have in effect chosen your tutor. The tutor will be interviewing to see whether your ds is a good fit to that tutor or not. Surely his school has drummed that into him?! Or do they not usually prepare for oxbridge?

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:33

thanks frakkin it would have to be the third as he has neither of the first two...

he is very gullible and takes things as read

OP posts:

Ponders · 25/08/2009 21:33

What you've posted so far, NAO, says to me he's really not ready to decide now what he wants to do next year.

Milliways · 25/08/2009 21:35

DD was asked why she choose Jesus college!

The only ones that def won't get asked are those that made an Open Application - which may be his best bet if he really has no preference.

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:35

his school have been rubbish tbh

took them down but one handout of who went where last year

he talked to the deputy head about his leaning toward cambridge and he said 'cambridge ...hmmmm, not for you ...stick with Oxford'

OP posts:

frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 25/08/2009 21:39

I agree with ponders. It seems to me like he's just going for Oxbridge because they're top and he's attracted to the name and the challenge. But he doesn't REALLY want it or he'd have researched things more thoroughly, picked out a college, been working on making himself as attractive a candidate as possible for the college and the course and been preparing for interviews already but talking to current students/people who interviewed but didn't get in/teachers who went there/any tutors who are willing to talk.

There is absolutely no harm in taking the time out to decide what he wants to do (as long as he can justify what he's doing in that time).

Equally there is nothing wrong with not knowing what you want to do at 18. He can hedge his bets and apply for uni and drama school or he can take the pressure off himself and focus on school.

madeupsurname · 25/08/2009 21:43

IME the college you choose has a HUGE impact on what your experience of Oxbridge is - do you think he realises that?

Tend to agree with Ponders that he is not ready - it would be a shame if he chose a course that was not quite right and lived to regret it.

Tell him from me - who has been involved with admissions at Oxbridge and Russell Group unis - that the main thing admissions tutors look for in the personal statement is real committment to the subject area. Schools often underestimate this and encourage them to bang on about their extra-curricular stuff, but what academics are really looking for is a genuine and documented enthusiasm for the subject. So he would have to be in a position to wax lyrical about NatSci/Medicine/PPE/whatever and show how he has been pursuing these interests outside the classroom. (Lab experience obviously v.g. start here.)

I do sympathise - sounds v. stressful for you.

Fayrazzled · 25/08/2009 21:43

My school did not have a history of sending people to Oxbridge- so don't worry too much about him being prepped in advance. I think the most important things are that your son is relaxed, confident (not cocky), and has well thought through answers to questions such as "why this course"; "why this college"; what are you interests; what do you consider your strengths. He'll also be expected to demonstrate a sound understanding of some of the subject matter relating to his proposed degree subject. So if he does choose medicine, he might be asked some detailed questions relating to his science A-levels.

TBH, there is a lot of bullshit talked about Oxbridge interviews. In reality, it is a lottery. My Director of Studies admitted she might aswell throw the applications up in the air and catch 10. Pretty much everyone who applies could do well at Oxbridge. Much more important is that your son is doing what will make him happy in the long run.

LadyMuck · 25/08/2009 21:44

But getting a place from the pool is different from making an open application isn't it? With an open application you get automatically allocated to a college (whichever one has fewest applicants per place for the course). All interviewed candidates who are unsuccessful with their chosen colleges are put in the pool.

In "my day", only the weakest candidates put in an open application. But I guess that may have changed.

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:49

very helpful advise madeupsurname and has helped me instantly clearthe foggy air and see what matters here

how is he supposed to make an informed college choice when we have no links

he said he loved Clare as he stayed there ....and Christs because it inspired him

but (wait for it) then added he was thinking of churchill as it was ugly and no one else would want to go there

he has loads of great work experience and is an able student
his deputy head said he 'stood out' amongst medicine applicants for his social skills....

i feel sad that he is suddenly unsure

OP posts:

Original poster

NotanOtter · 25/08/2009 21:51

fayrazzled thakyou

i have been with you in my philosophical attitude to his application up until now

but that was when his heart was in it..he did medlink etc loved it - has been working in the lab and with old people on weekends and loving that....i had always said 'he deserves to get in and if not - their loss'

OP posts:

LadyMuck · 25/08/2009 21:53

It might be that he's not ready yet, or it could just be a holiday wobble. He may have felt an obligation to have an answer as to what he was going to do after school, but now he has got to this point he needs some more time.

I think that it might be worthwhile for you to thin about what your back-up plan might be if he still isn't ready by the end of Sept. Are you happy with a gap year - to what extent will you support him financially through this? He could apply for other unis later this year (or do all unis require an October application?)

Is there anyone from his school that he knows who went to Oxbridge last year - perhaps he could meet them for a drink and a chat?

Fayrazzled · 25/08/2009 21:53

I know being pooled is different to making an open application, Lady Muck- my point was that I didn't get into the college I originally applied for and it worked out well for me.

It's definitely not the case that all interviewed candidates unsuccessful with their chosen college are pooled: colleges only pool those candidates they think are worthy of consideration by another college.

I may be wrong, but I think the open application system is more popular now (since the abolition of the original system where one chose 3 colleges to apply to), and isn't considered the preserve of supposedly weaker candidates.

frakkinpannikinAGRIPPA · 25/08/2009 21:56

Pooled candidates stand a much better chance than those with a straight Open. Most colleges look in the pool for a gem that slipped through another college's application process. And I do believe it's still true that the 'weakest' candidates put in an open app.

Fayrazzled I'll agree it's a lottery but I disagree everyone who applies could do well. And 99.9% candidates who don't put in the effort don't stand a chance. Everyone who applies will have the academic ability, not everyone will have the interest in the subject that's needed or the extra something to catch the tutor's attention and make them memorable. Applicants who don't do their research let themselves down.

Fayrazzled · 25/08/2009 21:59

Clare is a nice college.

I was never very fond of Christ's- back in the day their students weren't allowed a TV in their room and the college bar closed during the summer term so as not to distract students from their revision. They were very pushy about the college being high in the intercollegiate league tables for exam results.

Don't know much about Churchill except to say it is a long way from the centre of town!

Milliways · 25/08/2009 21:59

At the open day I went to with DD at Oxford, they were adament that no-one making an open application would be disadvantaged. That if you really had no preference that is what you should do.

DD made a choice (at Cambridge) to apply for a larger college with good sports facilities, and was pooled to a smaller modern one!

Her friend was rejected without pooling (applied for Maths) and he has just achieved 5 A Grade A levels, plus a further AS level and 2 AEA's! So unfair, although he has gt a place at another top London Uni.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread