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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

does it matter if you loathe the headteacher?

38 replies

hullygully · 07/05/2009 11:10

We like everything about the school that is the best option overall for both our children, but loathe the headteacher (we have met him twice, once on a tour of the school). We could probably manage distant politeness but no more. Does this matter? Has anyone any experience of this and what, if any, effect it has?

OP posts:

Yurtgirl · 07/05/2009 11:13

IME if your child is unlikely to get into trouble and doesnt have SEN then I would say no probably not

If your answer is yes to either question - then yes it most certainly does mattrer

Yurtgirl · 07/05/2009 11:13

IME if your child is unlikely to get into trouble and doesnt have SEN then I would say no probably not

If your answer is yes to either question - then yes it most certainly does mattrer

Yurtgirl · 07/05/2009 11:13

twice

Hassled · 07/05/2009 11:14

If it's a large secondary school you can easily get by never seeing or speaking to him again.

Ignore his personality - do you like his approach to teaching and learning? Do you like the school's aims and values? Is it a happy school where children develop?

Original poster

hullygully · 07/05/2009 11:17

It's a really, really small school! Apparently he gets on well with the pupils, and we like the ethos etc, just him we can't stand. It's difficult because we get on extremely well with the current head and all the other teachers, and it seems odd to start them at a school where we know we wouldn't get on with the head. Can't help thinking its helpful for the dcs when you get on well with head and staff.

OP posts:

amicissima · 07/05/2009 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

hullygully · 07/05/2009 12:35

He's been there forever. Yes, that's my worry (re communication). Or even when it comes to discussing their futures, wanting help etc.

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AMumInScotland · 07/05/2009 12:48

I think for me it would depend what things I disliked about him, and whether I could still respect his good qualities and believe that he knew what he was doing. I don't expect to like everyone I meet, but if I'm going to have to "work" with them I need to think they're reasonably good at their job.

seeker · 07/05/2009 12:51

Do you know him outside school? If not, I'm a bit surprised that you can feel so strongly about someone that presumably you've only met in a few relatively formal situations. What's wrong with him?

If it's a really small school then his personality will probably have quite an impact on the school, and if he's a very difficult person the staff will have problems too which might not make for a very happy ship.

seeker · 07/05/2009 12:53

Sorry, I now see yo don't know him. What on earth has he done to create such strong feelings?

Paolosgirl · 07/05/2009 12:53

If I trusted him to do the best by my children and their education, in good times and in bad, then it wouldn't matter what his personailty was like. He's there to manage the school, and as long as he does that well, and my children are happy then I'd be happy.

throckenholt · 07/05/2009 12:54

if you like the feel of the school and he has a good reputation with the pupils and he has been there a long time - he must be doing something right. Maybe the two times you have met him are not as representative as those things.

I think I would go with your feel for the whole school in this case. And if you ever have to deal with him personally try and keep an open mind.

milou2 · 07/05/2009 12:59

The gut feeling against someone is sometimes the only warning you will ever get before you get involved with a school where all is great on the face of it but there are permanent problems underneath the surface.

theDreadPirateDavina · 07/05/2009 13:00

Original poster

hullygully · 07/05/2009 13:00

He's just very peculiar,it's difficult to describe it. It's very hard to create any kind of rapport, which is something I'm usually good at (even if I dislike them). I just can't decide how much this matters. The first time we met him (tour of school), we had all the spiel etc and then asked his views on uniform etc and he talked to us as if we were pupils, he said, "I know what you think, now I'm telling you what I think." We can't really get past that, but the school is still the best overall option.

OP posts:

theDreadPirateDavina · 07/05/2009 13:02

Do you know any parents with children currently there? Or could you get one of the teachers talking?

theDreadPirateDavina · 07/05/2009 13:03

BTW - when he said 'I know what you think' - did he? Or was he assuming? Cos if he did, then it might just be his way of using transactional analysis type communication?

Original poster

hullygully · 07/05/2009 13:04

Should add that we do know a lot of parents with kids (and the kids) at the school and they are all happy, or lying.

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Original poster

hullygully · 07/05/2009 13:05

Davina, I really don't think he'd know anything about TA..

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theDreadPirateDavina · 07/05/2009 13:09

Does seem like a TA kind of thing though (obviously I don't know context - but just from that statement) could be read as 'I'm accepting your opinion as valid and would like you to also accept my opinion as valid'. What was the context? Was it his shorthand for 'I've listened to you and this was what I decided'? Or 'I've listened to you but this is my decision'?

Galava · 07/05/2009 13:09

Seems a bit childish to 'loathe' the headteacher if you can't provide any real insight as to indicate why ...

If the school is right for your child (and hopefully no discipline or SN issues) then I really dont think your relationship with them should come into it.

What would concern me is that your issues are not passed on to your child. That would definiely not be helpful longer term.

LOL @ Hobbit toes !

seeker · 07/05/2009 13:14

How big is the school?

southernsoftie · 07/05/2009 13:15

I asked a similar question on here a while ago. Consensus was that you don't have to like the head, but you do have to think he is doing a good job, able to attract and retain good staff etc. If overall you like the school, chances are he has a lot to do with that even if it doesn't translate well in the way he has communicated directly with you.

bargainhuntingbetty · 07/05/2009 13:17

My dd's go to a really good, large school. Dd1 is 8 and is now on thhe 3rd head teachher. When the original one left the new one who took over was wondderful, everyone loved him and he was very, very involved with the children and the parents. He left and the new headteacher I dont like. My dh was up at the school the other day and actually asked 'who is that woman at the door' I had to tell him that was the head teacher as he had never seen her before at anything in the school I think this is . The school runs fine without me liking her so basically in answer to yur question, I dont think it matters.

Original poster

hullygully · 07/05/2009 13:23

The school is very small, around 300 pupils.

Davina, no,, it definitely wasn't I accept your opinion as valid, it was more, we have no interest in changing anything so you may as well be quiet you bothersome parent.

Galava, as said above, it is a feeling and it is difficult to pin down, and it is more that it is impossible to establish any kind of rapport or reasonable relationship. I don't consider that childish.

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