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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

does it matter if you loathe the headteacher?

38 replies

hullygully · 07/05/2009 11:10

We like everything about the school that is the best option overall for both our children, but loathe the headteacher (we have met him twice, once on a tour of the school). We could probably manage distant politeness but no more. Does this matter? Has anyone any experience of this and what, if any, effect it has?

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Original poster

hullygully · 07/05/2009 13:29

Thanks everyone, am off to dog walk and plan unfortunate scholastic accidents. Any other thoughts welcome.

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Paolosgirl · 07/05/2009 13:32

Why are you looking to establish a relationship with the Head? The best thing to do IMO is to maintain a professional distance from the school - and as your children move up through the secondary school they will not want you anywhere near it anyway.

verylapsedrunner · 07/05/2009 13:33

I seem to be in the minority but I think that your opinion of the head is very relevant to your choice of school. I think gut feeling is very important, particularly in a small school, unless of course he is due to retire?

seeker · 07/05/2009 13:35

In a school that small I think it does matter, actually. My dd is at a secondary school with 1400 pupils, and an issue would have to be VERY BIG INDEED for it to go beyond the the 4 steps of form tutor/year head/head of junior or senior school/deputy head to reach the Head.

But in a school of 300 he's bound to be quite involved in the day to day running of the school - and in he creating of the school's ethos. If you find him unapproachable when he's hoping for your business (I'm assuming private school) what's he going to be like once he's banked the cheque?

mumblechum · 07/05/2009 13:40

Apart from the school tour, I've never seen or spoken to our head. It's a much bigger school, but I still think contact with your head will be minimal.

Summersoon · 08/05/2009 09:39

I think that the Head matters hugely. He or she drives everything that happens at a school. I think that it is really important that you try and analyse what it is that bothers you about him, but even if you can't, I would go with your gut instinct and steer clear. I would also talk to the other parents you know there - it is just possible you have got the wrong end of the stick somehow - but not to the teachers because it would put them in an impossible position and you are hardly likely to get a truly open answer anyway. I write this having had a very bad experience with a head, who was, admittedly, widely disliked, hence my recommendation to talk to other parents.

handbagqueen · 08/05/2009 09:44

Some people are great with children but not very good with adults. Do you think this may be the issue. We used to have a head and on first meeting and on the phone I thought he was odd and didn't take to him, but he was great with the children and once I got to know him and his oddness we got on very well and I have a lot of respect for him.

Polgara2 · 08/05/2009 09:52

I think Yurtgirl was right at the start really.

Ours is a smaller primary than that even and although I do get on with the head I don't have to interact with her that much really. It is the teachers who I interact with on a regular basis. Obviously it matters whether the head is approachable or not if you ever need to but maybe it's just a case of getting to know him better and he you.

If you are generally pleased with everything else about the school (and you must be by the sound of it) you need to think long and hard about the whether this really is insurmountable or not. I would think not, but talk to some more parents first and ask more pertinent questions iyswim.

verylapsedrunner · 08/05/2009 19:45

So what did you decide to do hullugully?

Original poster

hullygully · 08/05/2009 20:01

god, finally back from dog walk...thanks all, haven't decided anything yet, vlr, tend to agree with both views: that the head matters terribly in setting the tone of the school, and also that you don't necessarily have to talk to him much. I think we will look harder at other schools and keep that one in reserve. Maybe we'll move...

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verylapsedrunner · 08/05/2009 21:26

hullygully - if it helps, here's my experience. I had to chose a school quickly and by visiting the UK for 2 days and doing a quick spin round selected schools. In doing this I was completely uninfluenced (is that a word?) by views of local parents etc. My final choice was done very much on gut feeling and VERY heavily influenced by my rapport with the Head. I quickly dismissed what had been a strong candidate (the school I mean) on paper as I took an instant dislike to the Head.

I should add that a year down the line I know I definitely made the right choice.

codinbatter · 09/05/2009 09:37

HG: I still dont see what your objection is. "We have no interest in changing anything [to suit you because you are only one of many, many others] so you may as well be quiet you bothersome parent" is fairly standard fare from schools, although some dress it up a bit more diplomatically than that.

Original poster

hullygully · 09/05/2009 13:26

Is it? Goodness how sad. I thought ir was terribly rude (tho only part of his general rudeness). Have just been to school thingy and spoken to a few parents who have looked at the same school, many of them found the same thing, so at least I know I'm not deranged. Not that it helps much.

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