Those who's children attended private primary and moved to state senior ?

[Sorrento]

Are you happy with how things have panned out, does going to private first set your own expectations or that of the child too high ?
Did they cope well with the change ?
Am just thinking out loud for now, thanks for any thoughts.

DS1 moved to a grammar school in yr9 and has never looked back.
Now his sister is about to go and we have no qualms.
But tbh, as our county has grammars the brightest children go there in the main, so our private secondary may not be typical.

I know he's thrilled with the higher standards in the sports team, as they have a bigger squad to choose from, and he no longer comes home complaining about sarcastic teachers and dull lessons.

And I've been generally impressed by the enthusiasm and professionalism of all the teachers I've met.

Mine were all state primary followed by state highly selective grammar school, and there are many from the private sector at their school and who are their friends.

They mainly transfer with no problem, the only gripes seem to be no extras that they are used to in the private sector, and the academic standards are as high, if not higher, but with a lot less 'hand holding' and individual care. Its a lot more 'sink or swim'.

That sounds like you have regrets in the choice of private senior school ? Glad he's happy now.
I was looking for experiences of positive happy private primary school education followed by a seamless transition into state secondary, has that ever happened to anybody at all ?

I think Nontoxic IS happy. Son is at state grammar school, is he not?? No doubt she will come back and confirm!!

The vast majority at my DCs state grammar school seem happy transferring from private to state. But it is a GS so academic standards are high.

My DS went from private primary to state grammar. He did find he could coast for the first 2 years because Y5 and Y6 were really hard.

But in terms of settling in and getting on he was fine (he did ask on settling in day "where are the girls?" forgot to explain the grammars are single sex)

Yes I am happy thank you!
Can't go in to too much detail as it would make me identifiable, but we were happy with the private primary.
The secondary grammar is an unforseen bonus for us.

I asked the head of year 7 at my dd's grammar school about the difference between the girls coming from state and private primary schools. She said that in general, the private school girls knew a lot more stuff, but that the state school ones were much better at finding things out for themselves, so it pretty much balanced out

Yes, my DS is at a private primary and totally lacking in life skills; that's one of the reasons I chose it so that he would grow up with none of those pesky things.

Bloody ridiculous comment, mrsjammi.

You can't judge whether or not private schools prepare you properly for life based on your experience. How you were when you left school may have been more to do with your character or how you were parented than your education. I certainly wouldn't expect any school, private or state, to take entire responsibility for teaching life skills anyway but would expect to shoulder a good proportion of that responsibility myself as a parent.

Based on my own experience of years of teaching at private secondary schools, I have seen huge numbers of sixth formers leaving these schools as very impressive young adults more than capable of taking on what the world has to offer.

I had a thread on this subject - there is a state grammar school relatively locally and DD sat the exam and got a place. So it was a big decision for us whether or not to move her from her independent school to the state system.

Our choice was ultimately to stay in the independent sector, for the following reasons:

1. Sports were better in the indy school and DD is hyper-sporty
2. Friendship groups already formed and DD feels very settled at her independent school
3. Behaviour etc better at the independent school
4. Like you we worried about the transition

What kind of life skills in particular did you think you were lacking? I found I was able to cook, get a job, use public transport, learn to drive, go to pubs, go to the supermarket, get married etc.

Seriously, though that does sound a bit facetious, what skills did you think you didn't get?

The thing is, in a private school you ARE only going to meet other children from a certain financial background, OK some parents will be scrimping and saving to get the fees, others will be very well off, but none of the families will be really, really disadvantaged.

In the 'real' world, most people do encounter people from different socio-economic backgrounds. A state school does encompass children from all backgrounds whereas a private school doesn't. There may be children from different ethnic minorities etc but they will ALL be of a certain financial/social background to have access to these schools in the first place, even if they are on scholarships, bursaries etc. You simply do not get the mix of backgrounds that you do get at a state school. I am not saying it is right or wrong, but I can see what mrsjammi is saying. It is not ridiculous.

But how does meeting people from a range of socio-economic backgrounds equate with life skills? Unless you are seriously suggesting that going to a private school means that you are only able to communicate with a certain type of person. Which is not only ridiculous but patronising as well. Of course, you could equally argue that those children who go to inner-city comprehensives do not encounter the full range of socio-economic backgrounds either but somehow that never seems to be raised as a point, does it?

I would second singersgirl's question: which life skills specifically do you miss out on by going to a private school?

It does seem that MrsJammi went to to a rather unsuccessful school if she 'floundered' in sixth form, along with most of her contemporaries. Friends of mine who left our private school to go to state sixth form college out of choice all did very well.

I agree that you don't meet the mix of backgrounds at a private school that you would at many state schools, though the state schools where I grew up (middle-class outer suburb of big city) were not a great deal more diverse than the private schools, particularly in the days of assisted places.

But that's not much to do with life skills.

This was what I did 40 years ago. I had been to a small prep school - about 200 pupils in all, and went on to a comprehensive with 200 in my year.

I much preferred it. There were so many people you could really lose yourself, and always someone to talk to/hang out with if you'd had a spat with your best mate. Many different types of people too, and I'd been very sheltered in the prep, but never really quite fitted in, so this was great. Also much better when I'd left as I wasn't suddenly thrown into the world with my main experience of people being the type who went to preps - now that would have been a real shock!

The downside was that my prep education had been a lot more thorough and so at first we were doing a lot of stuff that I'd already done. Gave me a chance to daydream and reduced pressure.

This is the problem. Many people educated in the private sector really don't realise that they are being educated in a particular 'bubble'. Their education and background is such that they are being led to believe their lives are 'normal' and that they are not particularly privileged, which simply isn't true. They don't know anything different, Believe it if you wish, but it isn't real life. Many people educated privately function on a completely normal level with other people but their education/background is still not on a par with the vast majority.

Most people are buying a private education to gain advantage, whether academic or social. That is fine. That is why people pay, But don't argue that it is 'normal' because for 90% of the population it isn't.

i went to a private primary school and then a state secondary and really pleased my parents ran out of money for the private secondary now for all the reasons that mrsj and juxachoc have said.
sorry if that offends people who scrimp and save to put their children into private schools. unless you want to work in a very restricted number of careers you need to learn to relate to ordinary people and not just a privelged few.

I am irritated by people who talk about the huge mix of children at private schools - and how there are lots of "not well off" families there. What they mean is that there are "beaten up old Volvo just can't afford Tuscany this year so we're taking the tent to Cornwall' not well off. Not "You can't go swimming this wee because I haven't got a spare £1.25 til I get paid on Friday' not well off. A very different thing.

You all must have gone to such different schools from mine, you know. Or perhaps the private school pupils you knew/know are particularly lacking in any kind of awareness. I knew I was privileged, have never forgotten it for a moment, and know I am privileged now. I was jolly lucky to get that assisted place, but it doesn't make me unable to deal with other people. The original comment was about life skills, not whether private school pupils knew their experience was unusual or not.

As it happens, and as happens to many people wherever they were educated, I've gone on to do a job which means I mainly spend my time with people of a similar level of education etc to me - not all private school educated, but mostly university educated and interested in the same sort of things. I married someone who didn't go to private school and was not privileged by any stretch of the imagination; he has gained 'privilege' (Oxford degree and reasonable affluence) by hard work and intelligence. I think it is patronising to suggest that private school educated people can't relate to others.

Why is it patronising????

It is just a simple fact. Get over it.Educate privately, fine. No problem. But don't pretend you will ever be on the same 'wavelength' as people who do not enjoy the same privileges. I too mix with people from the same educational background as me and my DH, ie grammar school, private school, Oxbridge, but have also been in jobs where I mix with people who have not have that background and for whom it would be deeply patronising for me to assume my education was in any way equivalent to theirs.

But of course it's patronising for you to assume that I don't understand what you're saying or that somehow, because I was educationally privileged, I can't relate to 'ordinary' people (whoever they are) or lack 'life skills' (whatever they are).

Get over what? The fact that I was fortunate?

I don't assume my education is in any way equivalent to many other people's; I was extraordinarily lucky. I've said that. I don't pretend I'm on the same wavelength as people who haven't had my privileges (including my widowed mother, one-parent family, government assisted place at local selective school). That still doesn't mean that I can't relate to people who are from different backgrounds. I can even relate to people who grew up with two parents.

Of course it's real life. It's my real life.

Well said, singer

Lots of state schools don't have much of a social mix either - a comprehensive near me is surrounded by million pound houses and the atmosphere of the school is very similar to a private one.

A few miles away is a school full of extremely disadvantaged children - no middle class parent would send their child there.

At both these state schools the children are most certainly not mixing with a wide spectrum of society - do those children not have "life skills" as well?