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Original poster

responses for when someone calls you 'gay' - yr 7

66 replies

MaryAnnSingleton · 30/01/2009 15:36

Ds has had a bit of a week or two with various issues surrounding making friends etc in yr 7..he is shy and quiet but this week coming home from school he got chatting to another boy in his tutor group, only to have the moment spoiled by some other boy in his year calling him 'gay'
Now this has been covered lots of times before on MN but ds is anxious to hear words of wisdom ! (I told him MN will have sensible advice !) I said to ignore them and that the name callers are foolish boys lacking in imagination and also that being gay is not something to be ashamed of etc etc - also aware that gay can mean lots of other things these days...

OP posts:
Katiestar · 30/01/2009 17:24

well gay is defined by the dictionary as:-
g
adjective 1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.

  1. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
  2. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.
  3. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.
  4. homosexual.
  5. of, indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues: a gay organization.

Nothing wrong with someone calling you merry and lively

Katiestar · 30/01/2009 17:24

well gay is defined by the dictionary as:-
g
adjective 1. having or showing a merry, lively mood: gay spirits; gay music.

  1. bright or showy: gay colors; gay ornaments.
  2. given to or abounding in social or other pleasures: a gay social season.
  3. licentious; dissipated; wanton: The baron is a gay old rogue with an eye for the ladies.
  4. homosexual.
  5. of, indicating, or supporting homosexual interests or issues: a gay organization.

Nothing wrong with someone calling you merry and lively

pointydog · 30/01/2009 17:27

but none of those definitions is the one that school kids mean, katie

iMum · 30/01/2009 17:28

Fancy me do you?

iMum · 30/01/2009 17:28

Your Gaydar isnt working mate.

southeastastra · 30/01/2009 17:31

at imum's suggestions.

ahundredtimes · 30/01/2009 17:39

Yes Pointy is right MAS. It doesn't necessarily mean 'homosexual' in this context.

It means loads of things - like weird, lame, wet, stupid, whatever, nothing nice though.

So lunchboxes are gay, and so are sandwiches and so are trainers and so are people.

Answering back thing is hard, because you have to have some panache and confidence to pull it off I think. Kids that get called Gay don't always have those in strong supply.

I suppose smiling might be good, and appearing not to care.

DS1 (11) told me he once said 'Well technically I'm not actually as I'm not in love with another man or a boy, so that's not actually correct. But you might be gay as you seem so interested in talking about it.' He can be a little literal though and not sure it necessarily helped.

ahundredtimes · 30/01/2009 17:45

The best thing probably is to laugh and say 'yeah right and your shoes are gayer than gay' or something. DS1 sensitive and a bit of an outsider, not sure he'd manage it tbh.

ahundredtimes · 30/01/2009 17:45

Oh I like 'your point being?'

that's v. good

RustyBear · 30/01/2009 17:55

'Gay' amongst teenagers (or at least among DD & DS's friends) is really just a general term of dislike/disapproval. It's frequently used about inanimate objects, or a situation, occasionally about a person, and normally in the form ' You/That are/is so gay'.
But it doesn't seem to be meant in a particularly nasty way - they say it about their friends of both sexes, they say it to their girl/boyfriends - often while calling them 'darling' in the same breath. Even DD's many gay friends use it as much as any other teenagers & don't seem to give a thought to how it originated .

TheFallenMadonna · 30/01/2009 18:13

The clever retort is so hard to pull off. Get it wrong and you just give them more ammunition. I can see some of the (good) responses on here misfiring badly in a school situation. Really, a withering look and walking off would be my advice ATM. I do like ahundredtimes response, but only if he could say it with the right manner IYSWIM.

senua · 30/01/2009 18:45

The cool response round here, when told that you are , is to say, nonchalantly ...

"So's your face"

There's no comeback from that.

cory · 30/01/2009 18:46

I agree that it is used among teens as a general term of insult. But isn't that what renders it so offensive? Like spastic was used in my day (perhaps still is in some circles) for someone a bit dim. I think we would all agree that that is offensive, despite it not referring to the disability.

RustyBear · 30/01/2009 18:55

Yes, I think it's offensive, and DD knows that, which is why she doesn't say it (much) when I'm around. But neither she nor her friends seem to think it is - and the only time I've seen my normally laid back DD incandescent with rage was when someone was baiting her gay friend.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 30/01/2009 18:56

Thanks so much all of you - that has been very helpful - not sure whether ds can pull off a witty or cutting retort,being a shy boy but he might do a withering look quite well (as he does to me )

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 30/01/2009 19:17

Oh do role play. The thing is it has to be an act if it doesn't come naturally?

Go practice calling each other 'gay' and the other one saying 'Your point being?' and 'how would you even know that?'

Also if you do that, it sort of takes the sting out the tail for next time, because you and him and goofed about and done swaggering and saying 'your point being?'

Does that sound odd? It works here

madlentileater · 30/01/2009 19:39

good idea, role play

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 30/01/2009 21:05

yes, that is good idea and I love 'your point being ?'

OP posts:
southeastastra · 30/01/2009 21:09

or maybe just a feck off

hellymelly · 30/01/2009 21:32

my godson had a friend at school who was picked on a lot,one day some boys were saying to gs in front of the friend "B is gay".His response was "so?"Never got mentioned again!(he was about eight at the time)

Litchick · 30/01/2009 23:54

At xmas DS was singing carols for his Aunt ( yes he's a chorister so it sounds fab, and yes he was after some dosh) when his horrible cousin started chanting 'gay boy, gay boy,' quick as a flash DS who is only 9, said, 'Youre not very clever are you?'

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 31/01/2009 08:30

that is good too litchick !

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 01/02/2009 20:11

Why not get him to respond -

"I'm very flattered but I just don't fancy you"

A nice response from a yr 9 was

"isn't your boyfriend going to be jealous about you flirting with me"

They may be to advance for those doing the insulting tho.

Original poster
MaryAnnSingleton · 01/02/2009 20:28

yep, I suspect that they don't know what 'gay' really means !

OP posts:
summer111 · 11/02/2009 19:13

'Gay' is such a general term used by boys these days. My dc's use the 'whatever' retort mostly, to show they aren't bothered. It seems to work. That coupled with a bored expression should do the trick!