Would you move your child to a different school in this situation?

[Madmentalbint]

DD1 went to our catchment comp. Not the best school in the area, but when we looked around we liked the atmosphere and the teaching staff seemed friendly and dedicated. DD1 also wanted to stay with her friends from primary. DD1 has since done very well at this school,is in her final year and expected to do very well.

DD2 followed in DD's footsteps and is now yr8. DD2 is dyslexic and has very low self esteem. Lots of help and support given in year 7 but not so in yr8. DD in bottom set for everything with some very disruptive children. She also doesn't have the benefit of the good teachers who seem to be reserved for top sets. DD barely does any work all day except in one lesson where the teacher is excellent and always differentiates the work. Most of her work is left unchecked and unmarked, and most days she writes nothing more than the title. She doesn't get the learning support she's supposed to have and doesn't often have access to a TA. It seems as long as she isn't disruptive they are happy to leave her at the back of the class doing nothing. DD has become very demotivated and unhappy and asking to change school. Has also started having trouble with a bully. Have spoken to school on several occassions about both issues. Pointless! Was told I was expecting too much (!) and with regards to the bullying "I'll see what I can do, but at the end of the day, what can I do?"

I'm not expecting lots of written work, but I do expect her work to be fairly consisent and marked! I know what she is capable of because she consistently produces excellent work in one lesson. In the other lessons she's just left to do nothing and they don't ask/expect more from her.

The schools last Ofsted report (made after DD2 given her place) picked up on problems related to teaching children with SEN (lack of planning) and not good enough access to LS in KS3. Went ahead and sent DD2 there as no places available elsewhere locally. Now thinking maybe she would be better of somewhere else.

I recently applied to a full school in the next town with a much better Ofsted report and excellent SEN provision. Was expecting to be on the waiting list for months and really only applied in case things don't improve at current school. Was also under pressure from DD who is desparate to move schools. Anyway, a place has come up already! We're meeting the head and the SENCo in the new year, but it's a bit sudden and I'm worried I could be doing the wrong thing. DD is desparate to change school but I'm worried about how hard it might be for her.

Do I jump ship now, while we have the chance, or give up the place and wait and see what happens at current school?

Sorry it's so looooong!

Move - how can it be any worse? Your dd is begging you to go. One good teacher is not enough.

no question here, move her

Yes, move. I always think that children must feel fairly trapped and powerless if things are going badly at school - as an adult we can choose to change job, but most children don't feel like they have a choice about school.

If nothing else, it is extremely helpful for your DD to know that if things are bad there ARE things you can do about it.

Jump! Jump now!!!

FWIW, I wouldn't hesitate to move her.
It might have been a great school for your older dd, but it doesn't sound at all like the right pl;ace for dd2. I think there are two main aspects to consider - how well her academ,ic needs are being catered for - not at all well, from the sound of things. And how happy she is - not very, it would appear. And the school's response stinks, IMO. No-one is "expecting too much" to want their child to achieve to their potential.

I changed my dd';s school in September after a lot of soul searching - and it was the best thing we ever did for her. She was unhappy at the old place - but so much happier now. We also had some reservations about the educational standrds at the old place , notwithstanding a good to outstanding Ofsted report. Again, the difference in what she has bee achieving has been eye-opening.

I would just say to trust your instincts on this one. So what if it's a bit "sudden"?

'DD is desperate to move'. therein lies your answer I think - if only you wanted her to move it would be more tricky, but as she wants to move too I think I owuld, after all you know she can do much more than she is achieving- as evidenced by the one area where she is encouraged.

I should add, although I never needed to move schools, my DSis did and it was wonderful for her. I've also helped a friend recently (in a small way) who did a spell of home edding her dyslexic 9yo who was being failed by the school. The overnight change in him for not having to go back to his old school was brilliant and he's now doing really well in another school.

Move her-it can't be worse. She hates it and wants to move, you have given good reasons for moving her, the school isn't addressing your issues and isn't even dealing with bullying and isn't even giving her an education! No question IMO -move her, as soon as possible.

go.......go go go go go!!

I have a DD with dyslexia, and I was desparing of getting good teaching until she went up to her secondary school, but they have been utterly fab.

they gave her a tutor for the first term she was there, to get het into the swing of how they learn etc......and this tutor cam to our home every week in hr own time too! (for free I have to add.....well, we never had to pay at least).

she has a TA in each class (not her own that goes from class to class, but one for each lesson type so can help properly), and she has access at any time to a fantastic resource room.

it has ben the making of her....she is bright and confident and in the second from top sets now, after starting in the bottom of 5 (she is now yr8), and more importantly, if she has difficulty with anything she does it all first and then asks for it to be checked (and most of the time it is all correct), whereas when she started, I had to literally write everything for her so she could copy it as she found spelling and working things out so hard.

so, my opinion.......you cannot underestimate how much a good school can do for a child with SEN......and nor can you underestimate how badly a bad school can let a child down if they have SEN.

good luck, but I truly think that if you have got a place thru so quickly, this is clearly meant to be.!

Yes you should move her. My dd is actually very bright but at her first secondary school was made fun of and bullied because she wanted to work. She had disrupted lessons for 3 years and was extremely miserable. We moved home at the end of Yr9 and she started at a new school. She is now in Yr12 and the difference in her is unbelievable.

After we had been here about 6 months she told me that she had thought of killing herself because life had been so awful so please move your dd before she gets any more unhappy.

Thank you all for your replies, it's been really helpful. I'm encouraged by your positivity and was honestly expecting you to say not to rush in, and move her only as a last resort. I'm feeling much more confident already and if the visit goes well in the new year then we'll probably accept the place. Thank you

Yes, move and do it now.
Much easier and potentially more effective to do it now than to attempt it in a couple of years' time.

Since you've already spoken to the school about the issues on several occasions, and they've made it clear they're not going to even try to fix things, I'd say you're already pretty close to "last resort"! If you and she are happy with the offered place, and she's desperate to move, then go for it, no question.

It does feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall. All my concerns have basically been dismissed.

I've just been out in the car and although the new school is in the next town, travelling by car it is only .2 of a mile further away than the current school. I've also been looking at bus timetables and there is a specific school service which leaves not far from home. Having the practical side cleared up has made me feel much more positive about the move.

I think my main sticking points are her good friends (she has a group of really nice friends) and the fact a new head is starting in the new year who we're all hoping is going to turn things around. I think on the whole though, if the visit goes well, I've made up my mind. My daughter is very excited and is adamant she's starting at the new school asap! Thanks for your help

MMB, my concern with a new head starting would be the speed with which they would be able to make changes. It is fairly likely the new head would waqnt to make changes whch, one would hope, should affect teachign and learning but how long would that take? 1 term...2 terms?
If this were my DD id be worried about what an extra term or two in much the same system would do to her. If shes already very unhappy then likely to get worse. No?

Move!

Yes. I do agree with you on the whole Tobermory. There is much to improve and I'm not sure SEN provision would be top of the list. And there is no guarantee that there will actually be an improvement at all. I do also think that she's already wasted 4 terms (according to her IEP she hasn't made any progress in reading/writing/comprehension) and it would be a shame to waste any more. Also, if I turn the place down and things don't improve, we could be waiting months and months for another place to come up - especially as we're out of catchment.

Yep, the more i think about it the more I become convinced the move can only be a good thing. I really hope so.

Think your'e off to a positive start if your DD is already looking forward to the move.

Hope it all works out.

Thanks

We moved my DD at the start of year 9 as we'd moved house. We got her in on appeal as we were told initially that the school was full. She is quite bright and wasn't fulfilling her potential at the last school, most pupils were disrupting lessons so she was doing nothing in class as the teachers were busy keeping the peace. She was also being bullied at the other school and the help we got with that was limited.
Since moving the change has been amazing, she's doing so well now and going from strength to strength.
They assigned her a 'buddy' for the first week and that helped her settle so quickly. We went from her not wanting to move to loving the new place within the first week.

Go, go, go!! You've won half the battle in that your DD wants to move.

Fingers crossed for you with the meeting.

That is great to hear Scarlotti.
The new school also does a buddying scheme for new students transferring from other schools so it's good to hear that it works well

Me again

Had been feeling really positive about the possibility of moving DD to a new school. But now I'm not.

Basically, I spoke to a neighbour who is a teacher about the situation, whose children go to my DD's current school. She really champions the school as her children have done so well there. I explained the problems and she said that if I move my daughter the problems will move with her. Not only will she still have learning difficulties but she'll have to make new friends and get used to new teachers too. She also said that children who have a problem with bullies tend to find the problem follows them if they move schools. She said that I haven't given the current school enough of a chance to sort things out, and that I need to go back, but speak to someone higher up about all the issues that I have. So far I've only spoken to the tutor. She also said it was very important for my daughter to attend school with her close friends and also to have her sister at the same school. And finally, she said we shouldn't be swayed by what my daughter wants as we are the adults who have to make the decision for her best interests. I feel like i've had my wrist slapped!

Now I don't know what to do. I'm expecting the new school to phone any time now to arrange the visit. My daughter is due back at her current school tomorrow and says she doesn't want to go. She's been begging me to phone the new school all day as she wants to start ASAP. I've talked to her about how it might not be the best option for her but she's not having any of it.

ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Phew, that's better.
Thanks for listening x

To be honest, I'd go with your gut instinct. This lady may well be a teacher, but she doesn't know your dd like you do. Bottom line is, this is NOT a problem only adults can sort out - of course your dd needs to have some input into the decision making. So in that respect I think she was wrong to say it is the adults who make the decision for her best interests.

Go and see the school, you've got nothing to lose. And everything to gain if you think your dd will be happy there. Yes, she will have to make new friends, and get used to new teachers/routine etc. But if the support is there for her at the new school, surely that's what matters? It certainly sounds like she's not getting the support she needs at current school. No matter how much the lady you spoke to "champions" the school, the school isn't "championing" for your daughter!

"She really champions the school as her children have done so well there."

Your DD isn't and nor does it seem likely that she will.

Some schools are better suited to different types of people, it shouldn't be that way but it is, go with your gut.

Thank you. I know deep down that you're right, and that my reasons behind moving her are sound, it just throws you when someone says you're doing the wrong thing.

Thanks for the reassurance

Basically, I'd say she's talking garbage.

The problems you listed originally aren't all about bullying - they are about the school failing to give your daughter a suitable education, or to even try to address the issues when you bring them up. OK, a change of school isn't always the answer, and your daughter will still be the same person, but it will give her a fresh start and if she is positive about it then that will give her a better chance of not being bullied at the new school.

You're not "being swayed" by what your daughter wants, you are trying to make the best choice for her, and she should by Year 8 be included in that decision as much as possible. Go for it Seriously.