Communication is so bad

[purpleme12]

I'm feeling really disheartened by the lack of communication from my child's school.
I can't seem to get answers to the things i need half the time when i email in.
They don't pass messages on when they need to about someone coming in to see her so that doesn't help her at all in fact the opposite.
They say they'll have a word with my child and let her know the process of things but this his never done either.
Would you make a complaint about things never being acted on and not being able to get information that you should get
it seems so simple eg why can't i find out what lesson her instrument lesson would be in if she has instrument lessons

it shouldn't be this hard to get communication either to me or to her.

This is a bit confusing @purpleme12

They don't pass messages on when they need to about someone coming in to see her so that doesn't help her at all in fact the opposite

What kind of messages? Who is coming in to see her? Why are they visiting her in school?

why can't i find out what lesson her instrument lesson would be in if she has instrument lessons

Do you mean what school lesson she would miss for her piano lesson? IME schools often vary which lesson so French (or whatever) is not hit repeatedly. But also can your DD not tell you? I am not sure why you need to know this tbh.

How often are you emailing the school and what about? If you are having to send frequent emails (say, more than once a week) then I might be asking the school for a meeting to sort out whatever the issues are.

No I'm not send them every week
I believe that it is the same time every week in our school if you have an instrument lesson. I want to know because I'll be paying for the instrument lessons if she has them and I don't really want her to be pulled out of the lessons she enjoys that she wants to go to school for.
She sees someone at school, to help her emotionally. It's normal to see these people at school rather than out of school. But for example school aren't passing on when she emails to say she won't see her next week cos she's on annual leave. Then my child thinks the person has let her down and she feels let down and she doesn't cope well as she was expecting to see the person all day. All of that could have been avoided. And she needs these sessions. And that's just one example.

But there are other things too

I just don't know what to do to get someone to hear me. To get someone to do the things they say they'll do.

So for instrument lessons, a teacher will usually come in on a specific day but they will probably give a number of lessons in that day, so the time might not be fixed but will depend on how many pupils there are – this might be why the school cannot tell you. I imagine you can find out what day tho and see if it is the day of your DD's favourite lesson.

But for example school aren't passing on when she emails to say she won't see her next week cos she's on annual leave.
Do you mean that the school isn't telling you (or your child) that their support worker will not be in on a specific week? I agree that that is annoying, but surely it can only be occasional.

If it’s lots of different things you are probably dealing with lots of different people as well (fairly usual in secondary). Is there a head of year or a form tutor who you can arrange a meeting with to discuss it? Maybe make some notes in advance (I always find this helps) so you can be clear about the issues.

Does she have a Senco lead

Stop the instrument lessons, doing them at school can be a huge pain in the arse.

Do you mean that the school isn't telling you (or your child) that their support worker will not be in on a specific week? I agree that that is annoying, but surely it can only be occasional. And this

Apparently they see no signs of additional needs in her in school. So that hasn't helped me. So no she has no input from senco

secondary schools do expect the kids to sort their own stuff out too

Well I haven't even started them!

Why do you think they're a pain in the arse?

Is she’s no SEN then the school will expect the child to organise themselves at secondary. Including finding out when stuff will happen

If only it was that simple

It’s hard to understand what you expect school to do. Our school has nearly 2000 kids and most have 1000. They can’t deal with lots of parents queries on non core issues

I've probably been too vague or something

But what I'm talking about has impacted my child.
And I don't think it's unreasonable to expect someone to carry out what they said they were going to do either

DD had instrument lessons in school all the way from Y3 to Y13 and it wasn’t a pain, it was fine. The lessons moved around each week so that they didn’t miss the same lesson each week.

As someone who is a visiting professional to kids in schools I totally understand your frustration! However I think you may be blaming the wrong person… the responsibility to tell you these things is the music teacher or the support worker themselves. They are the one who has a duty of care to you and your child. The school is just the middle man as it were, so they will have very little knowledge of when timings change for these things. Eg if a professional wasn’t going in one day, I imagine very few people in school would even be aware apart from the person in the office who deletes the visit from the diary. (Or not!!) That info wouldn’t get passed on, because they would assume that the professional would have told the family themselves. This would be the same for music lessons. The student may get told themselves but no one else in school would. If your child needs extra help with prior preparation and expectations that is totally valid - I would get hold of the visiting professionals themselves and ask for direct communication to be improved.

Yes I agree with @Onthesofawithmydog – when my DC had in-school music lessons (which did move around – as did lessons for DC when I was a teacher, they would only miss 20 mins of my lesson every few weeks) I was in direct communication with the teacher about progress etc. So if I had concerns about which lesson they were missing I could raise it directly.

Apparently the person visiting emailed school to say she was poorly on that day so couldn't come in. At the same time she said she had annual leave the next week. School could easily have passed that on about not being there next week but they didn't.

Another teacher is supposed to have a word with her about something else to tell her the process of doing something. It's been over 2 weeks now and that person hasn't done that that they said they'd do. So it's not like I'm expecting things done immediately or anything

Secondary is a very different to primary, where pretty much everyone knows everyone and the school is smaller with often phones in the classrooms or nearby. Emails sometimes get sent to the wrong person and when you teach 100s of pupils, it’s very easy to forget things, unfortunate when its your DD but these things happen. Pupils are expected to be more proactive and go and ask, e.g. not sure of the process for something, or who to go to, they ask their form tutor in the first instance. Support worker/instrumental teacher ask for an email so you can contact them directly. If she wants to know about instrumental lessons and days/times then tell her to ask her music teacher in her next lesson or pop into the music department at break or lunch. (I’ve never known a secondary not to rotate with any fixed slots going to year 11/sixth form e.g. break or lunch - I’ve done this myself.) If there are other concerns and she needs support in terms of finding things out then arrange a meeting or a phone call with her form tutor or head of year.

I believe that it is the same time every week in our school if you have an instrument lesson. I want to know because I'll be paying for the instrument lessons if she has them and I don't really want her to be pulled out of the lessons she enjoys that she wants to go to school for.

As others have said, it's much more likely that they will rotate. In my DC's school, the lesson times are rotated every half term. Of course, an instrumental teacher with only three pupils will only be in the school for an hour so will have less room to rotate than a teacher that is teaching 20 pupils and is in school all day.

You are unreasonable to want to make sure that instrument lessons don't clash with your DD's favourite class lesson. If she wants to learn an instrument and you're willing to pay for it, just sign her up. She will only miss about half an hour from a class lesson. It will be her responsibility to catch up on any work missed. This is really not a big deal.

Your child does not need a formal diagnosis to have a SEN need. If the issues with communication stem from this then I’d pursue it with the SENCO until you get an adequate response.

For the other stuff at my DC school all peripatetic music lessons are managed by that music teacher. Lessons are rotated but you can request before or after school slots if available.

You do sound a little anxious. Is this your first DC in secondary school? It really is very different to primary school. Students have contact with very many teachers/ educational professionals rather than the one or two at primary. They are expected to be on top of their schedules. Not their parent.

If someone at school has committed to do something specific you are within your rights to follow up after a couple of weeks.

The instrument lesson may impact a number of lessons, depending on the timing and whether the school has a one or two week timetable. If it occurs often on lessons your child enjoys, then you may have to rethink and consider having lessons after school.

If you’ve been trying for a while to express your concerns, I assume you’ve tried the form tutor and head of year, or pastoral staff. Perhaps you could ask for a meeting in person, so you can explain how this is affecting your child and see if a system can be implemented that makes the communication better for her.

To be fair, yes, I am expecting teachers to follow up on what they said.

I'm not anxious at all to be honest. But I want what's best for my child. And it's just added challenges for your child when something is supposed to happen and doesn't, when they find things like that hard anyway.

I don't know.

I think it’s totally understandable to want the best for your child, especially when they have some additional needs and challenges. I think people forget that what comes easily for some kids eg checking with teachers, remembering info, asking about timings and independence doesn’t come easily to others, and will always be a challenge through life. And therefore the parents end up filling in the gaps for longer than those kids who are self sufficient from year 7. I would definitely contact the relevant professionals and ask them to communicate to you directly rather than to school, which they should already do. And also send an email to head of year copying in tutor and senco to ask for some specific actions eg that member of staff to have the chat with your daughter like they said they would. I think we would all fight for our child’s wellbeing in these scenarios, it’s just some people take it for granted that they don’t need to.

ps you will probably find more understanding and compassion on the SEN pages than here xx hope your daughter is ok and all gets sorted out x

As the parent of a child with selective mutism who was unable to ask the teachers about the things they needed to know, I was very grateful that their school was generally responsive to queries - even when teachers knew them well, we'd usually start with "apologies for having to ask this and particularly if you've already told them the information, but as you know X is too anxious to be able to ask you". It usually worked. So I get your frustration. When there were issues, I found that quoting their policies back to them and asking why they weren't adhering to them, particularly if there was a potential safeguarding issue, was a useful last resort if they weren't responding. (Sorry to any teachers out there, you probably hate parents who do that.)

I would move it from general frustration to a very short written log. Date, what was requested, who it was sent to, what did or did not happen, and the effect on your child. Then email the form tutor/head of year asking for one named contact and a simple response-time expectation. If that fails, escalate with the log.