Travelling to school? How?

[Animalover]

Hello,

My daughter has an offer from a really good secondary school (top 10 in the UK), but unfortunately it is not local. We have a few travel options:

1. Driving:
I could drive her, but it would take about 45–70 minutes depending on traffic. We would need to leave home around 7:30–7:40 am.

2. School bus:
She would need to walk about 15 minutes to the school bus stop and catch it around 7:20 am.

3. Train:
She could take one overground train for about 25 minutes, then walk 10–12 minutes to the school. We live about 3 minutes from the train station, so she would leave home around 7:45 am.

Driving: It would be very hard for me to do this every day — it would mean almost 4 hours of driving per day for the school run.

School bus: It is quite an early start, and I am also worried about her walking to the bus stop in winter when it will still be dark. The road is quiet and there are no shops around, just houses.

Train: The start time is not too early, but she will only be 11 years old. Do you think this is okay? At the open day they said some children do this, but we have never experienced it so I’m not sure. If she uses the train, how long should I accompany her before letting her travel alone?

My daughter worked so hard for this school so trying to find the best option! Please share your ideas!

Thank you!

The train option is the only sensible one, not least as it gives her much more time in the morning before she needs to leave. Getting the train to school alone from 11 is completely normal and expected and many many other children will be travelling to school (her school and others) the same way. Do the journey with her once or twice to practice, she’ll be fine. Well done to your DD.

Train, or you drop her off at the school bus stop in the winter.

Can you drive her to the school bus stop and wait until it arrives?

Train is completely normal at that age. She might meet others from her school doing the same train journey and walk with them the other side.
DS2 is at grammar school in year 7. A lot of his friends do that kind of journey on the train. Some get local buses or walk. I think the only parents who signed up to private coach companies are those who don’t have an easy public transport option. Train is much cheaper and like you say, later start.

If your dd is in Y6, you need to start getting her used to using public transport by herself, if you haven’t already. My dd started by walking home from school in Y5, then short local trips on the tube, then bus, then gradually built up so she was ready to take the train by herself for Y7.

It’s not sustainable for you to drive her, the school bus is inflexible for before or after school commitments. Train will work best, you just need to teach her how to use it, what to do if something goes wrong etc. Y7s commuting by themselves to school is entirely normal in London!

Definitely train. It's fine. My son is in Year Six and gets the bus on his own for short journeys. Practice it a few times over the summer both with and without you. There will be other children walking at the other end so she won't be alone.

Thanks all!

I can drop her at the bus stop, but I have another daughter at home. I don’t know if we can both get ready and leave that early in the morning.
Are the trains in London safe for secondary school children? I’m also worried that if it’s crowded and they can’t find a seat, they might get tired. Bless them

Train will be fine as long as she has a phone. She’ll quickly learn what to do when the trains are up the spout. Train and station staff are very good with kids when that happens. My DC take the train and much prefer it to the school coach (which eventually got cancelled for being too expensive in any case).

Train is fine. DT’s got the Tube to school - met school friends on route. If she can’t get a seat, she stands like any other passenger.

At 11 they should be getting themselves ready - you shouldn’t need to be involved.

Train and start getting the train with her on weekends and school holidays so she can get used to the route. She might not be the only child at that school taking this particular train, there may be others and they usually come together.

I know it seems daunting but it is completely normal. What you need to do is equip her with knowledge, what to do if the train is cancelled in either direction. How long until the next one? And practise her holding her head high, looking in the mirror to practise looking confident even though she probably won't feel it.

She needs to do this by herself. Ds walked 20 minutes to school, I had to take my youngest to school in the opposite direction, no choice.

I don't think 7.45 is crazy early. My ds leaves at 8.
I think the train journey sounds fine.

I would do the school bus. Drop your dd off at the bus stop in the morning - just leave the other dc in their pyjamas and take them in the car with you.
My dc did the school bus from years 7-13 and they never complained. They said it was a great way of making friends and a fun part of their day. Their bus came at 7.30am and they managed fine - they walked to the school bus stop or got another bus to it if they were running late plus the bus was free with their zip cards

which school and which area do you live in?

Is there anyone else living near you going to that school she could maybe travel with? Or is there a parents Facebook group or something?
I agree with people saying the train is probably the best option, but it would be nice for her to have someone to travel with wouldn’t it? It could make the journeys more fun.

My dc take a train across London to secondary. I went with them for the first 2 days, then they found another kid in the same class on the same route and went together. Entirely normal at that age.

I think the train sounds fine.
The trains round here are stuffed full of chikdreb getting to and from school.

Remember also that you can start with the bus if you feel its safer and then when older change to train.

Can you not do a dummy run on the train this week and see before deciding? Or at least nip down the station and see what the train looks like in terms of passengers

Train. My DC, young for year, travels on a packed tube every day and has since third week of first term. They get used to it and they are now better then me with optimal entry and exit positioning on platform for a few stations!

I think you’ll find that other kids will be doing similar routes and the school may promote a travel buddy system as well. Driving seems a no go and the school bus won’t leave any flexibility if she misses it. Honestly, the train sounds perfectly fine and the best option. She’ll be absolutely fine.

Honestly I’d suggest you drive her to the school bus for the first year or so. I saw your update and given driving all the way was an option I can’t work out what you were going to do with the sibling at that point? Assuming it’s a private school then most school buses round here leave that early (a consideration when not choosing the local school of course).

Unless she’s going a weird route then train’s will be packed, no hope of a seat and if anything like my commute, frequently delayed. My kids frequently use public transport so I’d have less issue with them navigating this, but you do sound quite anxious and that it doesn’t seem she usually goes on a trains.

Given it’s all new and you are insisting on a school a long way away then for first couple of years I’d opt for the simplest option.

Finally how will she get home if clubs etc ? Is there a later bus?

The train is your best option IMHO.

An NT 11yo should be fine to catch the train. Has she used public transport before – with you or better still, alone? If not, start practising. Most 11yo make their own way to school and in London that often involves catching the tube; outside London a walk to a service bus is not unusual.

My son witjh SENDs is walking to the train station, taking a 20 min train and then a bus to school since year 7. He leaves the house at 7:15 every day, home just before 6pm.
If my ASD child can do that, your neurotypical child will most certainly cope.

Im assuming it’s a private school (school bus) in which case I’d opt doe coach for first year if she’s going to have sport or music practise / rehearsal before school. It’s much less stressful for them if bus is late or held up they’re they don’t have to explain and the coach usually gets them there 8am
or just after so they can go straight to rehearsal / practice.

the train is stressful as if it’s running late she’ll have to explain to the office what’s happened (and take a photo of the departure board etc). She likely won’t always get a seat and certainly some adults would expect a school child to give up their seat …

so maybe school coach for a term or two and then switch to train?

lots of 11 yo get the train

Either train (I know several children who take the train to school on their own from year 7) or you give her a lift to the bus stop.

Most London children use public transport alone from 11. That train journey sounds fine and, if the school is as sought after as you say, I guarantee there will be others doing the same thing. Do you not have anyone in your extended social network joining the same school, so the children could travel together, at least at first? Worth asking around.

Make sure you teach basic personal safety as well as the ins and outs of the journey itself - keeping to main roads and not using lonely cut-throughs, not having phone visible, being sensible about crossing roads.
I had a 45 min public transport commute to my school and those journeys evolved to be some of the most fun and social times of my day.

When I was 11 I used to have to get a bus to the station, then a train and then a tube for 2 stops. The train will be fine for her at that age.

Or you try and move her to a more local school, but you would be crazy to do that.

Train, practice 2-3 times with her then let her try alone during the summer, once term begins walk her to the station the first week. Lots of dc use the train