Our secondary schools much different because of where they are?

[teachermum23]

Hello,
In short: what has your experience been of sending your kids to school in a rural area versus a city area?

Some context: I live in a busy city. My oldest child (of 2) has just started reception. He’s had a very positive start and I am feeling good about his journey through this school. He is a very sensitive boy, which is a trait that I have shared with him.

Whilst the city life is extremely convenient for the stage of life, and we are mostly happy, I imagine that in the future we will move to a less populated area, possibly even rural. This is partly due to my husband having grown up this way and his keenness to do this again. But I have to be honest and say that it is also because I am a little terrified of sending my kids to a secondary school in a city. To give some background, I grew up in the outskirts of London, and then moved to another capital city abroad, before moving to my current city. I am not just scared of cities in general.

When I do the nursery/school run, I cross over with some kids from two different secondary schools and to be honest I am just horrified at the way they speak to each other, the way they treat members of the public and just the general demeanour. As an adult I find it intimidating, so I just cannot imagine how a little year seven must feel going into a place with hundreds of kids like this. I see them vaping, smoking, mocking members of the public, including elderly people, I mostly hear them punctuating in their speech with swearing and generally talking to each other in an unkind and derogatory way. I could Recall invade detail the interactions that I have had with secretary school pupils that have been positive because they have been so few and far between.

I do realise that a lot of this is just teenage behaviour in general. However, is there any truth in the thought that kids in a rural place with less kids in the school may have a slightly more positive/less intense experience of secondary school? I am possibly looking at this through Rose tinted spectacles…I do realise this. I have never lived in a rural place, so I have no experience of how different this life could be.

Why I’m writing this post is because I would like to hear others’ experiences on how realistic or idealistic my vision of another type of life could be.

I would love to hear from anyone who has moved from a city to a less populated area. How have you found it? How has your schools experience been? Would you recommend it? What was it like for teenagers growing up in this area as opposed to a city? Etc etc.

Thanks in advance ☺️

You will only find secondary schools in towns though so moving rurally you will have a bit of a trek to secondary school.

My children attend the village secondary. It has 240 children per year, so no different to a more urban school in size. (It covers 6 villages, and everything in between)

The children are perhaps a bit more nieve than city children, but they aren't completely innocent.

Thats not always true. We live in a village and dc2 goes to school 6th form in a small village 6 miles away and dc3 goes to a school in a different village 4 miles away. The kids in the schools are nothing like those you have described.

My DC went to school in the city where we live and I don’t recognise the behaviour you describe at all @teachermum23. Tbf the last one left in 2021 but I cannot imagine things have changed so much. They and their friends were pleasant and polite. Yes I am sure they behaved a bit differently when I wasn't there but still I would be surprised if they mocked the elderly (not saying you haven't witnessed this behaviour btw).

There are secondary schools in villages as well as towns; I can think of at least three local to me. All three are popular for different reasons but I am not sure that the politeness of the students is a big draw in any case.

The thing is, living rurally is a pain in the neck for a teen. I grew up in a very rural area, bus to school, friends all lived miles away, no social offer to speak of in the nearest town, no late transport, no clubs to speak of in my village. I am sure it was a blight on my childhood. Yes things will have improved as SM makes it easier for teens to stay in touch, and no doubt parents today are more keen to tote their DC hither and yon than mine were. But honestly, if you have never lived in a rural area, take it from me, it's not a always great environment for a teen, unless they are excessively into rural activities (like horse riding).

No not true, we live in a small town, yes there are 3 high schools. But I work village high school some distance away and I know of at lest 3 other village high schools. The difference between them and the town schools is that they will often take students from a very large area. One village school I know is actually bigger then the town ones, another is a smaller school and the one ai work at has an average number of students.

I would say to OP that the behaviour is often slightly better then places like London, but yous do get unruly children everywhere. Also DD did complain that loads of kids at college (so 16+) vaped. Which seems to be the thing now rather then smoking.

I've taught in rural and inner city. Teenagers are teenagers wherever they are. The language and the behaviour is standard in both. It isn't all of them though - you probably haven't noticed the vast majority of polite and well mannered kids!

Rural kids can be less street smart.

DS goes to a city school. I work in a rural school. You get challenging kids in both. Deprivation in both. Good and bad teachers in both. SEN in both. It’s how the school deals with things that counts, rather than location.

Town secondary here in an affluent area. Kids are well mannered and diligent. Very naive compared with city kids in my experience. Even if you buy your way into private school, they have their own issues around drugs etc.

That said, I would hate to move in advance of secondary if I had grown up in London. There is so much less opportunity for hobbies / interests rurally. If you had a passion for fencing or other niche sport in London, you aren't going to find a fencing club in a small Northern town or in rural Cornwall.

I would much rather raise my kids round here in a five bed house with a healthy work life balance than in London where I work all hours to fund a small two bed flat.

One big difference is everyone goes to the same school. We pretty much have no choice... the only place you are likely to get most years is the catchment (defined area on map) school.

Also... my children's school has its own camp site on the grounds. Basically just a field they have no other use for, so they use it for camping, outdoor education, a mini festival etc.

Drugs are available to dc everywhere. A bit of a joke that it’s just private school dc! 7% of the school population. The other 93% don’t do drugs? Really? Drugs are everywhere but not all dc use them. In any type of school. So ignore that op.

We live in a small village. All the grammars here are in towns but one moved to a new location in the 60s when it split into 2 schools. Theres a handful of secondary schools in villages. Generally people like them but ones in the small towns are mostly good. Better off area usually means better school but it’s affected by dc being in private schools.

In a very rural area you get no choice of school. You also find your teen is very isolated and you will be a taxi covering quite big distances. I’d just go somewhere with all good schools but go where dc can have friends available as well as other entertaining. It’s just easier.

The vast majority of teens are harmless and actually good fun. Look scarier than they are. Cities give them more opportunities and you are less of a taxi

Rural is tricky.

most secondaries have kids who vape and smoke and all secondaries have kids who swear and mock adults.

i live in a small town that has the secondary for all the villages around and there’s a big cocaine problem with the local teens.

that said, some London schools really are in a category of their own with gangs and knife crime etc.

@OhDear111 I don’t see anyone saying that only students in private schools have access to, or take, drugs. That's certainly not our experience. There are definitely drug takers unfortunately among the students at state schools locally.

My Kids are in a city school. They just talk teen language which is intimidating if you're not seeing teens much but is otherwise just a shared culture tbh. They seem much more sociable, safer, surprisingly, have a bigger network of friends and connections, more outside school opportunities to get themselves to independently, and a more open minded view of whether "weird" is a thing or not than the rural kids I know and my own - long time ago - rural/town experience.

Rural areas can be quite cliquey with lots of families who have lived in the area for generations. Some more welcoming than others. I also think there is more diversity in cities- it’s more socially acceptable to be gay, BAME, trans etc etc.

@clary Yes there was. “Even if you buy yourself into a private school, they have their own issues around drugs etc” 22.19 yesterday. It’s a commonly held belief that these dc are the only drug takers. It’s very annoying. Yes, of course there are drug takers everywhere. Plus the parents!

I read that (and that would be reasonable) as “they also have issues around drugs like any other school”. As in, even if you pay, you won’t necessarily avoid the vaping/smoking/drugs issue, as you might expect to.

OP, over the next few years you’ll see the great exodus of parents to the suburbs/ country. They’ll say things like it’s for a bigger garden but a good part of it is fear of inner city secondary schools. A lot of white middle class parents live in cities after uni or to get on the housing ladder in a place with nightlife etc but ultimately they don’t want their kids to be like the kids of the city. I initially had similar feelings about the kids I saw leaving the local secondary but most of it is bravado and it’s hard to imagine your cute, lisping three year old being all ‘Bro what the fuck man!’ But by the time you have a ten year old like me, you can quite imagine it! It’s good to unpick any unconscious bias about whether it’s the race or class of the secondary school demographic that scares you. I honestly think there is a big part of that with the mass exodus to the country. Lots of people want to speak about how diverse their friendship group is but don’t want their kids to go to the school with large groups of black or Asian boys outside. Stats wise, my local comp is head and shoulders above the rural schools, we have the best under 16 basketball team in the country.
Teens crave connection and excitement, you really think they’ll get that in a rural location? You’ll end up driving everywhere.
Im faced with the prospect of having to move out of my beloved city due to cost and I’m heartbroken; no way I’d do this on purpose.

Isn’t there a whole set of places between city and rural. Towns and suburbs! We are 30 minutes to the city centre but definitely much more community feel.

There was something recently showing the advantage children get from being schooled in London, so much opportunity if you can find a good secondary here, so long as they avoid gangs etc.

This isn't so much city vs rural as a demographic thing, but I taught in a rural school with high levels of poverty, FSM, "rough" area etc, and I taught in a semi-rural school with extremely wealthy families, many of whom could have chosen private and liked to remind us of this frequently.

Give me the school in the rough area with high poverty levels any day. I'd never go back and teach in a wealthy area again.

We live rurally but DD has always been at London state schools and commuted.

I don't think I ever called the police once in all the years I lived in London, I probably have to every few weeks here. There is a significant group of local teens who like to set fire to things, kick doors, catapult pets and wildlife, terrorise the local shops and smash up car windows on a regular basis. There is nothing for them to do, no local employment opportunities and the results at the local schools weren't on a par with London comps. Anyone with any money round here sends their kids to the private schools.

I'm sure there are lots of nice kids at the local schools too, just as there are the yobby ones in the London comps, but you're not going to find some idyllic scenario just by leaving the city.

DD (Y12) constantly complains about why we had to decide to move out of London and how much better/easier her life would be if we had stayed. Because she's at school/college in London we pay thousands every year for her season ticket and nowadays she basically comes home to sleep but otherwise stays late after college and goes in at weekends. DH was the one who wanted the rural move, I was less convinced given I had a rural upbringing and he didn't, so my one rule was any house had to be no more than 10 minutes walk from a mainline station to London.

My younger dd has said she's glad we live near London as she's enjoyed going to shows etc. We live just outside greater London. I was terrified of my eldest going to the local comp, but I asked parents and kids at the school about it and got good feedback. Eg I helped at brownies and rainbows and asked the young school aged volunteers there about their schools. Plus asked primary mums with older kids and went on tours during the school day.
I needn't have worried as both dd were happy there.

My daughter is s2 in a city high school with the sorts of behaviours you’ve noticed. She is a great kid with lots of lovely friends and ignores the chaos. She has lots of hobbies and is very busy which is think it really great for many sorts of teenagers - no time to faff around vaping! What’s wonderful is how much she can do on our doorstep - she’s really independent and gets herself to and from most of her dance classes as everything happens within a mile of our house and she can hop on a bus and be in the city centre in 20 minutes (and whenever she’s ready can then take the train anywhere else too!). We thought about moving out for a bigger house and garden but eventually settled on staying round here and I am so happy with our choice. My husband grew up rurally and said he was constantly waiting for his parents to drive him round and that got annoying for everyone pretty quickly.

I have friends in lots of different places and on the whole, teenagers are just the same anywhere. Some great ones, some not great ones and loads in the middle.

@clary Ok, accept a different take on it.

We have grammars where I live and most have middle class parents in abundance. The teachers by and large like teaching in these schools and won’t be swapping into poor schools any time soon. The grammars are a bubble in terms of teaching. Never do you get a deputy from a secondary getting a headship at a grammar. Different skill set. Definitely not the other way round!