DD14 missing lessons, school doing nothing about it

[loobyloo1977]

My DD is in year 10. She was diagnosed with ADHD, dylexia and dyscalculia a couple of years ago. She's never been a fan of school but this year it has got a lot worse and she has started truanting from certain lessons. The reason for truanting is that she feels overwhelmed in the class as it so large with over 30 students (last year most of her classes were 10-15 students) and she doesn't understand the teacher as he talks so fast, also she doesn't have a close friend in the lesson with her which might sound silly but she is very reliant on her friends for support. She has missed over 6 weeks of history lessons now as she has truanted each time she has a lesson, sometimes she has been caught, most times not. If she is caught she gets a 40 minute detention with SLT which she would rather do than the actual lesson. Once she went in to another lesson for a subject she doesn't even study and pretended she was another student which I know she shouldn't have done but school didn't even realise, this was so she could be with a friend. Sometimes she goes to see her pastoral manager to talk to her but she just gets told to go away.

I have sent numerous emails to school but have not had a response. So today she missed yet another lesson and just sat outside on a bench in the yard. School would've had no idea she was there. I encourage her to just try the lesson but I really don't know what to do if she just won't go. Even if she goes back to the lesson she will really struggle to catch up as she has missed so much.

Please could someone give me some advice as I really don't know how to tackle this. Thank you

It sounds like the school are being resoundingly crap on this issue. And yes I work in education, so don't give me a spiel about how teachers/TAs are not able to do this, it is their job and they should be helping the poor girl. OP how many GCSEs is your daughter taking? Could she just drop history? I have Cerebral Palsy and dropped from 10 GCSEs to 9 in year 10 and from 9 to 8 in year 11. I also started doing 3 A-levels and dropped to 2 in year 13. I now have a BA and an MA so only having 8 GCSEs and 2 A-levels never really held me back. Sure it might have stopped me getting to Oxbridge or something, but I wouldn't have down that anyway! (Likely maybe wouldn't have been THAT able even without CP). It seems like getting your daughter through will some reasonable GCSEs is more important then trying to make her cope with lessons she's struggling with.

How do you punish someone for being ND?

ND people still need to be able to function in the real world- plenty do. I am ND and would have had my arse handed to me for truanting in this way.

Request a meeting with her head of year to discuss face to face. You could request the SENCO join too.

The safeguarding at this school sounds seriously off, never mind the SEND support!

Put your concerns in writing ASAP, to the Head, and escalate to the SEND link governor if you don't get a response.

I am a teacher. Internal absence is a big deal. This is not OK.

Usually when they don’t attend it’s because they can’t rather than won’t.

The class is overwhelming her. That’s why she’s not attending, not that she cba. She’s not being naughty, she can’t cope with it. Shes the perfect age for burnout. This could be the start. They need to tread carefully.

My dd started like this. Wanted to go but couldn’t. Then desperate to go and couldn’t. Then tried and seriously self harmed. Haven’t you heard of burnout?

Nonsense.
Life is life and these kids need to be supported to cope, how on earth are they going to cope in the real world?
Yes I have heard of burn out. I have felt myself getting close to the sun many times, and with support developed coping mechanisms to stop this from happening.
OP in this thread needs to support their child to develop coping mechanisms, not delegate all responsibility to the school.

Stop sending emails and speak to your daughter. School don't have the capacity to physically escort a child with dyslexia to lessons she doesn't like. Support will be there for her learning (diagnosis or not), in the form of qualified teachers. She has to attend lessons though. It's quite normal for the class to be up to thirty pupils and she's selected these GCSE subjects at this school.

She shouldn't be wandering off and hiding or trying her luck and being in a lesson she isn't part of. That's wasting everyone's time. And the friend thing has got to stop. You know it sounds silly because it is, but you're indulging and excusing her behaviour. She is in no way entitled to only be present if she is allowed to socialise with friends.

The only choice she has is whether she wants to attend the school (as it is, not how she would prefer it was) or not. If she's on their roll, she she is expected to attend lessons and stop the nonsense that's nothing to do with learning difficulties.

School shouldn't have to be continually looking for her.

Aren’t you the lucky one? Mine was 14 and didn’t have a clue what was happening.

She was unwell for 5 years and unable to go to school for 2

I am sorry your child was unwell.
OP is not saying her child is unwell.

This.

If she’s coming home and enjoying all the usual privileges of devices, clubs, activities etc, you’re on a hiding to nothing here. A bleak future awaits if she continues on this trajectory.

Year 10, so your daughter chose History as an option?
I suggest asking school if she can change this option to something else. Usually this is done before the half term but because of the circumstances there is a chance they will allow it.

No, but it starts like this!!! This is EBSA. And it just escalates.

It doesn’t have to end in illness and self harm. My point is that OPs daughter needs to be supported to develop coping mechanisms for this and for life. It is not a fait accompli that all overwhelmed neurodiverse kids end up dysfunctional and self harming.

I only read your post quickly earlier.

I would ask when you email the Head what the policy is when registering students for lessons, because either registers are not being kept or they are not accurate. This is a major safeguarding issue. Your DD (and other students) could be anywhere on site...doing anything!

Well no it doesn’t. But l think it’s more to do with the severity of it than coping mechanisms.

And in our case it was too late for coping mechanisms. We didn’t know and she didn’t

Have you made an appointment to see the SENCO to discuss her issues and which adjustments she might need to cope better?

It doesn't sound like the focus here needs to be on registers and shouting safeguarding. OP hasn't said the class teacher hasn't completed the register each lesson as legally required, so the records will show she's been present in the building and not arrived to class, though hasn't signed out. She will have been seen either side of the history lesson on site by pupils and staff. She will have been looked for each time. Located or 'caught' (to use OP"s word) some of those times. Noticed presenting herself at the pastoral office where she seems to think she has free access when she chooses, though no school can operate on the basis that pupils can just go wherever they want whenever they feel like it. She's not unsafe. She's removing herself from what she needs to be doing. And not liking the subject she picked isn't a reason she can keep opting out.

This IS a safeguarding issue. There's no need to "shout" but the OP needs to know her daughter is safe and accounted for while in the school's care.

The difficulties she is having attending history also need addressing of course.

This feels like an easy problem to fix.
You need to request a meeting with the SENCO and/or Head of Year. Ask if she can either drop History and do her homework in pastoral or switch to another subject with smaller classes and/or friends in the class. It doesn't sound like she's going to pass History if she isn't going to lessons and there may be another subject she can pass with support. You could offer to find a tutor to catch up with work missed if this is affordable.
And yes, make it clear to school that this is a safeguarding issue. They won't want this to continue either.

The timetable (and rooming) is an artificial construct literally created by the school to organise the curriculum. She's there at school and not running away unaccounted for. She's sometimes in the wrong place and being a pain in the arse, demanding attention from staff who aren't there to supervise her during lessons, or disrupting other classes. She's obviously not learning. But it's her behaviour, not people failing to stop her from coming to harm.

OP needs to focus on her education, not criticise the school for not being able to physically control her daughter. The advice to 'make it clear' to the school is ridiculous. They know what they're dealing with and that they aren't negligent by picking her up when she absconds and sanctioning her. Don't go in being dramatic. It's actually a serious enough problem that they're likely to agree with you on that she needs to be in class completing her work. Maybe because she's created enough of a fuss and made it clear she isn't going to try and will only waste more people's time for the next 18 months, she'll get her own way and be removed from history to put a stop to this.

RUBBISH

No. It's not. Plus, no need for capitals, I can read perfectly well.
I'm a Head of KS4 in a non selective state school. This school's procedures would worry me. Either we're not getting the correct picture about this situation, or there are serious problems at the school.

@Weeken I know what you mean, but the two issues are linked. When we've found internal truants, they've sometimes been vaping or self harming. I don't know if we have the full picture here, but something is going very wrong.

So she’s been diagnosed
but on a year long waiting list for medication?

That is simple not true

and despite all these diagnoses… you have no idea about EHCP and no one at the school has mentioned to you before?