Withdrawing from PE lessons

[Geordie2Mam]

Its a long-winded post, so thanks in advance of you manage to stick with it.
My 14 year old, is struggling with PE. It has been an ongoing issue for over 1 year.
She does not get along with several of the PE teachers & the ones she does get on with, teach a higher level, so aren't available to her.
She has not done a full lesson in at least 6months due to ongoing issues.
The latest episode included a teacher saying that if she had forgotten her kit, then she would have to do participate with the boys PE lesson, to "make her feel as uncomfortable as possible".
We have emailed the school & are awaiting a reply. In the mean time we have said that we are not happy for her to participate in these lessons, until this is sorted out.
Our concern is that, these issues have been rumbling on for months now. Things improve for a short while & then we are back in the same situation. She is excelling in all other areas of her education.
Can we request that she is permanently removed from PE lessons? We're aware that it is a compulsory lesson, however at what point does her emotional wellbeing take precident? What happens for other pupils that just refuse to participate in certain lessons?

I too am interested in what the ongoing issues are because it makes a difference. Does your dd have SEND? This can often lead to reasonable adjustments being made such as reduced timetables for example.

Did the teacher actually say "You can do PE with the biys group to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible" and have you reported that to the head?

Frequently in life you have to do stuff you don’t love. Unless there’s a very good reason (which I assume there isn’t as it would be pertinent to the OP) then tell her to get on with it and take the kits needs

Until you find the perfect job where you love everyone?

Maybe because it will.
If you have a child suffering extreme anxiety and there is an identifiable cause then you take steps to remove that cause in order to maintain school attendance.
My child suffered extreme anxiety in one of the key subjects (think maths, English, science). They were allowed to go and sit in the library and work independently during those lessons m. If that hadn't been put in place they would not have gone into school.

They regularly allow children to miss PE at one secondary school we looked at - to take advanced lessons in something else or to have catch up lessons.
Providing the child is doing sport elsewhere and is active out of school.
I HATED HATED HATED PE and was bullied by my peers and teachers. Lining kids up and letting the sporty kids pick sporty kids just puts other kids OFF sport. Sport is so much more than PE / Games.
It wasn't until I was 20 I discovered that I loved running and swimming and trained 5 times a week. It took a lot to get over my mental block of how PE at school made me feel to be able to do it.

This attitude is going to set up problems in the future imo.

Oh I feel her pain.
I absolutely hated PE when I was at school - loved Games, but not PE. Our teacher was always very harsh. We had to get into the cold communal shower afterwards. Then there was a period of time we suddenly had to start going to this very old building off site that was in the middle of a field - ugh, we were positive it was haunted, you never wanted to be in that building on your own. I eventually stopped bringing in my kit and point blank refused to participate. Hated it.

I never did PE after I was 14...did Latin instead. That was back in 1974

I never did PE after I was 14...did Latin instead. That was back in 1974

Only if a school doesn't listen. My DD's school kept trying to make her do PE or watch from the sidelines instead of letting her sit in the library. She dropped out of school for 18 months as she couldn't cope, self harm etc. If they'd listened to her / me then she'd have stayed in school and it would have saved then a fortune in an EHCP and on-line lessons. As I said before, if a simple thing like skipping PE keeps a child in school then they need to listen to that child before more damage is done.

I loathed PE at school, starting with being the first girl to get a bra while still in junior school. I get it. So everything must be done to make her feel comfortable.

Do not withdraw her - it may be the only exercise she gets. Do you role model choosing and enjoying physical exercise, do any sport with her yourself? If not, start.

Help her ensure her kit is always clean, packed and ready and that she always has what she needs. A decent sports bra and a hockey skirt that did not leave my 5'8" child self feeling horribly exposed would have helped me.

Instead go all out to improve the situation at school. Sadly we don't always get on with our teachers.

Single sex PE is her right. If this person really is using the threat of making her uncomfortable, ie unsafe, by forced activity with boys - COMPLAIN.

https://womeninsport.org/news/women-in-sport-influences-department-for-educations-latest-schools-guidance/

I know a lot of people, especially women, disliked PE at school. I wasn’t very sporty at school myself and came to fitness activities later in life.

But those who are commenting here – PE in school is not the same. Not IME anyway. I am sure there are still some unpleasant PE teachers as in any subject but there is more effort made to be inclusive.

I highly doubt anyone is being made to have a communal shower afterwards. There are more options available now such as gym (certainly post-16 anyway). At the school I worked in, students could wear black leggings or black joggers for PE which is a big step forward (I had to do indoor PE in navy knickers). So there are things schools do and can do.

@Geordie2Mam it is worth trying to find some accommodation with the school – depending obvs what your DD's issues are.

Lots of kids (including me!) dislike PE. You just get on with it. That’s life and children need to learn that sometimes, including as an adult, you just have to do things you don’t want to do. Not everything is optional.

As for not getting on with the teachers, so what? I didn’t get on with my German teacher. I still got an A, because again, just because you don’t like someone, it’s no reason not to try. It’s another good life lesson because as an adult you may end up with a manager you don’t get on with - you still have to do your work to the best of your ability.

These are life lessons OP.

That said, if the teacher really did say what your child reported, then yes, you are right to complain about this. But regardless of the outcome of that complaint, you should be clear that she can’t just opt out of PE.

Oh look! Another ‘one post only’ poster.

Same.
There was simply no mechanism to opt out of it.

‘We’ used to play netball, and i was so surplus to requirements, i used to wander off and sit down somewhere.
No one even noticed, or the teacher knew i was useless, and just turned a blind eye.

I'm going to say your daughter might not be as innocent in all this as you think.

Ha! I remember “ playing “ hockey by literally running around on the edge of the pitch trying to look as busy as possible while staying as far away from the ball as I could!

Yes I was thinking that. A bit more info would help us give a more reasoned response. A lot of these lately.

I hated PE. I hated winter PE much more than summer PE.
I might have been happier in a tracksuit rather than tiny shirt and thin shirt. I'd probably have benefited from a sports bra too.
PE is brutal for some of us. If you don't get that you just won't understand.

My son hated PE so he chose squash as his sport, simply because there were limited numbers of courts and he could volunteer to “ miss his turn “ and allow the keen players an extra turn. In two years, he played three games!

I think you should be doing all you can, working with the school, not considering opting out. The guidance quoted above may help.

I doubt your DD is telling you the whole picture to be honest.

I hated p e as i wasn't sporty. The p e teachers were really shouty too. I loved swimming but we never went swimming at high school. I would also go on long walks at the weekend so i was doing some exercise.

back up the school

Stand up for your kid

We withdrew DC1 from PE for a term because the school refused to do anything about him being regularly beaten up in the changing rooms. He was coming home with blood all over his uniform, and the PE teacher said - in a meeting with us, the headteacher and the senco - that he should “try being nicer to the other boys”. They didn’t like or support our decision, but there wasn’t much they could do about it. He went to the library and did his homework.