Withdrawing from PE lessons

[Geordie2Mam]

Its a long-winded post, so thanks in advance of you manage to stick with it.
My 14 year old, is struggling with PE. It has been an ongoing issue for over 1 year.
She does not get along with several of the PE teachers & the ones she does get on with, teach a higher level, so aren't available to her.
She has not done a full lesson in at least 6months due to ongoing issues.
The latest episode included a teacher saying that if she had forgotten her kit, then she would have to do participate with the boys PE lesson, to "make her feel as uncomfortable as possible".
We have emailed the school & are awaiting a reply. In the mean time we have said that we are not happy for her to participate in these lessons, until this is sorted out.
Our concern is that, these issues have been rumbling on for months now. Things improve for a short while & then we are back in the same situation. She is excelling in all other areas of her education.
Can we request that she is permanently removed from PE lessons? We're aware that it is a compulsory lesson, however at what point does her emotional wellbeing take precident? What happens for other pupils that just refuse to participate in certain lessons?

Just be a parent and tell them they have to do it. What’s the big deal? I’m sure you don’t want your child to do no exercise at all, gain weight and become (stay) really unfit?

Irrespective of the fact that you legally cannot - you would be doing your daughter a disservice:

1. she needs to learn resilience. Even if you don’t like something or someone or even a group of people - you have to get on with it.
2. she can run away from problems but needs to resolve them - can she communicate with the teachers, can you communicate with the school
3. exercise needs to be a daily part of life

What’s she struggling with?

I think if you excel everywhere else it can sting if you’re rubbish at PE but the lesson there is that sometimes you’re going to suck at something, others are going to be better at it than you can you need to suck it up.

I was never sporty but I remember joining cricket at lunch because my friends went. Now I’m pretty good at throwing and catching. Turns out it’s just practice!

Resilience is NOT taught through shaming, stress or force. You're thinking of compliance and suppression - and they are not the virtues you believe them to be.

She’s being told she has to attend PE lessons with the rest of her class.
There is no shaming, stress or force involved, over and above that applied to any other pupil who has to accept that school lessons aren’t optional.
Behave, fgs.

This. She just needs to put up with it. Tough luck.

What is the actual issue here? Why if she starts the lesson does she not complete it? Is she deliberately “forgetting” her kit , disrupting the activity or just going missing? She can’t pick and choose her teachers. Would she be allowed to referee or facilitate rather than take part, although that would still require her to turn up and do as she is told. Are you sure she has reported what was actually said to her.

She being made to feel as 'uncomfortable as possible'

A.D. 1995, somewhere in Europe across the pond, I was 13 moving to high school after middle school where PE was a nightmare. I told my mum that either she found a way to withdraw me permanently, or I'd had thrown everything into the bin and gone to work at 14 (there at the time it was possible).

She found the way and now I have multiple postgraduate qualifications (and probably undiagnosed dyspraxia).

Listen to her.

And no, in life you don't have necessarily to get on with anything you highly dislike, just sayin'.

I agree that if at all possible she should go to the lessons. But. The school should be working with the parents on strategies to make this happen. And there is no way the teacher should have said that about making her as uncomfortable as possible. I thought making a girl work with the boys or vice versa as a punishment went out with Just William!

PE is compulsory so I don’t think she can just decide she doesn’t want to do it anymore. It would set a bit of a precedent for other kids to then decide they don’t like (eg) maths and want to opt out

I hated PE and it put me off enjoyable physical exercise for years! Thankfully discovered in my 30s that I just hate ball games but enjoy things like Zumba or running. Sadly our PE teachers really were not pleasant people.

Personally I’d invent a chronic health issue that requires missing PE and state that it would clearly not be educational to just sit and watch so your DD will go to the library.
By year 10 my mum wrote me endless excuses for PE and I loved her for it, I probably would have skipped school if I had to have gone.

Many 14 year old girls don't want to do PE (teenage, hormonal, periods). But that doesn't mean they shouldn't it's very good for them and help keeps their fitness up, you shouldn't condone this or undermine the school.

Schools absolutely do let children drop subjects, if it’s the last resort. But it’s certainly not just a case of you requesting so.

How do they split PE? My school and my children’s school has a girls, boys and mixed. Mixed is for the less able. Can she ask to swap groups, if that would help.

This is great advice. Make a list of different clubs and make her choose the equivalent amount of time she would miss if she dropped pe. You may find these issues magically disappear, or you may help her find a sport she loves

PE is compulsory though, right?! Sell it to her as an opportunity to build resilience

Wowee. In my day you’d never even consider being able to not do any lessons because you didn’t like a teacher. It was almost normal to not like half of your teachers.

she needs to do the lesson. In life there are plenty of people you don’t get on with, it’s a good life lesson for her to learn, as well as the PE

I really think PE needs to become optional at the stage where music, art etc become optional. It's not for everyone and I see no benefit to forcing people to do it even if they hate it, especially if it leads to EBSA (don't comment on that unless you've experienced it). I gained absolutely nothing from PE other than a loathing of sport that has lasted into adulthood. The hour and a half a week could have been put to good use doing better things. Sure have it as an option and clubs but treat it the same as music and orchestra or art and making props for the school play - something for those who like that sort of thing. I'd investigate the possibility of a reduced timetable that just happens to cut PE.

You can't withdraw from PE as it's a statutory requirement. All school students up to the age of 16 have to do a minimum amount of physical exercise per week by law. Unless there is a genuine medical issue that makes it unsafe for a child to participate in physical activity, schools are not allowed to permit the withdrawal of a child from PE.

It's not really possible to give any meaningful advice with such a vague and fact-free initial post - much more detail is required to understand what's really going on here and ways forward.

What are the 'issues'?
Why does she not 'get along' with 'several' of her PE teachers?
Why is your daughter not bringing her kit?
What has the school done so far to attempt to resolve the situation?

As a secondary school teacher myself, I know PE teachers can be a unique breed.

That being said, I also know they have to put up with a LOT of shit from kids trying to dodge going to PE in a way other subject teachers don't, and I can well imagine them losing their temper with repeat offenders.

As is often the case with disputes between students and teachers, there are always two sides to every story, so I'd be interested to hear the school's version of events.

If they let your dd skip a subject because she doesn't like the teachers they'd then have other parents demanding to remove their child from Maths, English etc as they don't like the teacher.

Is it possible that your dd sees PE as beneath her and not worth bothering with and the teachers are reacting to her bad attitude? If a Maths teacher (allegedly) made a comment your dd didn't like would you demand she stop Maths?

Of course you do.

Many people dislike colleagues and have to work with them. It’s just life surely.

@Geordie2Mam if you want to come back, there are lots of ppl on this board with helpful advice. PE, while enjoyed by many, is one aspect of school that some do not like – getting changed, wearing PE kit, competing, others watching you. If these are the sorts of issues, might ND be at play?

Trouble is your OP tells us little except that there are ongoing issues and she doesn't like the teachers. Of course posters have jumped on that saying well that's tough. But if there are additional needs of some kind then an adjustment may be possible.

ETA mean to say, good post from @EnidSpyton

"She has not done a full lesson in at least 6months due to ongoing issues.
The latest episode included a teacher saying that if she had forgotten her kit, then she would have to do participate with the boys PE lesson, to "make her feel as uncomfortable as possible""

I mean normally children HAVE to do PE as it's a compulsory part of the national curriculum. I guess beyond that, it depends what the on going issues are.

You have the option to find another job...

The op could move schools. Which would be ridiculous. I didn’t like many of my teachers. I just got on with it.