Being in the ethnic minority

[StormySam]

Looking for experiences of people who have sent their child to a secondary where they have been in the ethnic minority (talking less than 1%) .
For context I am looking at a girls secondary for DD where she may be the only white child in the class. She has lots of friends from different cultural and religious backgrounds at primary but obviously it would feel a bit different to be the only person in the class with a particular ethnicity.
Is it really difficult to settle into such a class if you are the only one with a different culture?
The teachers are a cultural mix and the school promotes inclusion.

"She has lots of friends from different cultural and religious backgrounds at primary"

Will she be going up to secondary with them?

I think it would make a difference to me if my DD was going to school with an existing friendship group as opposed to making new friends from scratch.

No she wouldn't be going up with them as they are all going to a school that we are not in the catchment area for.

I have the opposite scenario. My DD2 is the only black girl in her class.

Are you able to talk about this at home freely?

What does your DD want to do? My DD was very clear on which school she wanted to attend at 11 and she wasn't wrong. She rejected a girls only grammar where she would have been in the minority for a local mixed academy. Are her friends from primary school moving to the secondary you have in mind? That would make a huge difference. How does she feel about being the only white child in the class?

Sorry crossed post. Can see she's not going with her friends. In that case it's even more important that she makes her own decision. Unless it's a highly selective school with fabulous academic outcomes I personally wouldn't.

Unfortunately I think that your DC being a girl might make a difference.
My DC went to a mixed Primary and had friends of all different ethnicities (we are white) but as the DC got older while the boys still seemed to all continue to mix the girls less so and by Y6 all of the Muslim girls seemed to mostly stick together. At (private) Secondary again the boys were all socialising together, albeit with some restrictions for some of the Muslim boys but the girls less so and by 6th form college it was even more marked

That's not good. Where do you live?

How is your daughter finding it?

She doesn't know that she would likely be the only white girl and she really likes the school as it's quite small and nurturing. There may be 1 or 2 other white girls. We live in a multicultural area so she hasn't really twigged and if I ask her about it specifically I don't want to draw attention to it or create any prejudice where it doesn't exist for her.

@StormySam

My daughter is fine, thriving i daresay because she chose for academic / selective reasons and she is getting the opportunities she wants/wanted.

That said, we have been having conversations about race since my DDs were very small. We live in a white majority area and have experienced racism many times so we don't have any discomfort around talking about this as a family.

We all understand and promote inclusion and so far no major issues with friendships - fingers crossed.

DD was the only white girl in her primary class.

Her secondary was very mixed, but most of her friends were not white.

Her current college she is very much a minority.

DD is also ethnically Jewish - and in that sense she is/was very much the minority at all 3.

We didn't apply to one college this year - despite it having an excellent course - because we were the only white family at the open day, they were extremely focused on 'social justice' issues and DEI as part of their courses, and the students we met were predominantly from one cultural background.

The college she is at, while she's a double minority, the other students are from a complete mix of backgrounds and cultures and so it felt like a good fit. DD says she feels very comfortable with it.

I think there are far more issues if you are a minority in a school where there is a majority mono-culture. And more issues if you are at schools where background is made a big 'thing' rather than it just being a mix of kids who are enjoying studying together.

Are you in the U.K.?

Yes. Northern England.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow

May I ask what your concern was with the college that promoted social justice?

I want my child to stay away from politics given the industry they want to work in and I disliked the idea that it was manatory that every project had to be based on a social justice theme.

If your child was going to art college and wanted to paint, should they be able to paint flowers or portraits or fish, or whatever they like? Or should every painting HAVE to have a political message? If so, why?

Given current world affairs, would you be signing your ethnically Jewish, white child up to be the obvious minority in a college where that was the curriculum?

I don’t think it’s a good idea. There will be different cultural expectations which are likely to impact your DD. Things which you might think are ‘normal’ for teenagers to do are forbidden for girls from certain backgrounds eg sleepovers, going to parties, having boyfriends. They might not be allowed to come to your house and she might not get many invites.

There may be an impact on the type of trips offered because of low take up, eg will they offer skiing and trips abroad? Is the lunchtime menu affected? Will it affect how sex education is taught? The school is likely to adapt to the needs of the majority.

If you belong to a different religion or are atheist will she be drawn into debates and having to defend her position? What if she likes a boy and is told she has to convert to be with him?

Then there is the whole issue of food, language and festivals. Will she feel left out if everyone else is talking about things that she can’t participate in?

@OhCrumbsWhereNownope it would be swamped with Palestinian flags and antisemitic tropes. I'm sorry you, your family and community are enduring this.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow

Whoa!

I wasn’t questioning your choice for your child.

I was trying to educate myself. I am
black not Jewish. I was trying to understand more about how these agendas affect others because my main focus is race - for obvious reasons. Since that is my main focus I was trying to understand how sometimes these agendas impact other people outside of what I know.

It was a question - not an attack.

Apologies, my tone wasn't directed at you at all, more my annoyance I still feel towards that particular college and rhetorical questions. Sorry if it read differently... didn't mean it to!

I completely understand where you are coming from.

What I found most depressing was that the college truly believe they are being good people and doing the right thing and would probably be horrified to know that a child came away from their open day saying 'mum, please don't send me there, it doesn't feel safe', especially one who has grown up in multi-ethnic schools.

@LadyNorthStar

I am sorry but I have to push back on this.

In my experience, this is TOTALLY not the case.

In fact, in my experience, it’s the “international students” who bend over backwards to fit in with British norms.
This is literally what I have experienced.

Do you have much evidence for your claims @LadyNorthStar ?

My black african daughter does predominantly historically “white sports”, has been skiing, has fish and chips on a Friday.

She (I) has / have helped introduce cultural day etc and everyone wore what was relevant for their culture.

We have had multiple (exhausting) sleep overs with girls from all over the world. All we did was ask re dietary requirements.

What things would a child not be able to participate in at a school? My DD2 was front and centre at the Diwali celebration because she is a great dancer, she came home with a Bindi on her forehead and we are black.

Lunch menu is made up based on catering for dietary requirements not for cultural reasons. Yes there might be a curry on the menu once every few weeks but there will also be an Italian-inspired pasta bake as well. Is that problematic?

I really don't understand your thinking or experience. It would be great if you could explain more because from what you posted, it sounds like you think your child’s
education will be compromised by exposure to different cultures. In this age of globalisation, I am not sure how that is
going to fly really.

The OP hasn’t given information about what culture the majority in the school would be from.

An international school in a diverse place like London is going to be very different to a school where the majority belong to only one ethnic group.

Depends. Super selective highly academic- I’d expect it and be pleased my children are around such high achievers.

sink school in a highly diverse area I’d be trying to get her into another school (because of the sink mainly) good school in a highly diverse area it would probably depend. I’d probably rather my children at school with hard working Muslim families than British roundabout painting roughians tbh.

@LadyNorthStar i explained already - my daughters are the only blacks in a very traditional white school and county.

Also you didn't really answer my questions.

What are your fears? What do you think your child would miss out on?

It really come down to values - it depends what’s groups she will be surrounded with and whether they hold similar values I.e hard working, independent, etc. I would think what values you and DD hold and go from there. As a minority myself, I can absolutely tell the white people at work that have grown up with and been surrounded by ‘non-whites’. They just understand the complexities of living in a multicultural society to a deeper level and are true ‘allies’. In my opinion, they are an asset to society, but you of course do what is best for your family.

I would not want my DD to have that experience

ethnically diverse school / community - yes

school that is predominantly an ethnic minority group / faith that is likely to give children an echo chamber / restrictive experience - no