Being in the ethnic minority

[StormySam]

Looking for experiences of people who have sent their child to a secondary where they have been in the ethnic minority (talking less than 1%) .
For context I am looking at a girls secondary for DD where she may be the only white child in the class. She has lots of friends from different cultural and religious backgrounds at primary but obviously it would feel a bit different to be the only person in the class with a particular ethnicity.
Is it really difficult to settle into such a class if you are the only one with a different culture?
The teachers are a cultural mix and the school promotes inclusion.

@HelpMeUnpickThis Being the only blacks in a predominantly white school is a totally different situation! The OP’s DD will be different not just by her colour, but by the whole culture. Relationships, going out, parties, these are all things which are normal for western white teenagers and I’m guessing for your daughters too. These things will NOT be normal for ethnic minority girls so the school experience will be different. Surely you get this?

@LadyNorthStar what on earth do you mean?! Do you know ANYTHING about african culture?

I understand and agree with @LadyNorthStar - I know v little of African culture, I am sorry, and not sure how that is relevant-

@Bumdrops

You and @LadyNorthStar are interchanging ethnicity and culture.

So my black girls are fine, yet you both seem to know nothing about my culture.

But other ethnicities are undesirable because of your perception of their culture?

Can you not see how problematic this is?

I’d want to know more about the school.

I don’t think it would be an issue being the only white person in the class if the school is genuinely ethnically and culturally mixed (I’m actually in this position with my team at work, and it’s fine - but we are all from different countries and cultures, so although my skin tone is different, there isn’t one culture that dominates). I would have a concern if she is the only white girl AND most of the others in the class share the same culture / ethnicity / religion / language as each other, simply because I’d be worried she’d be left out.

Both my daughters have always been the only ones of their ethnicity in their respective classes. It has never been a problem. I think it depends if your daughter is let's say White and everyone else is Black, or if there is a mix of ethnicities amongst the majority group.

Saying that, my children have gone to a very diverse school with lots of children who looked liked them (different ethnicity though) and a school in which very few children looked like them, and they were much happier in the latter. Ethnicity is not everything.

My DS is at a majority Muslim school in London. I had no thought it would be an issue before he went, but it is. Socially, no one wants to mix outside school. He's very lonely and isolated. I'm looking to move him, we chose it based on academic record but he's miserable.
They even close on religious days because attendance would be so poor otherwise, but the non Muslims still have to attend. It's madness.

I suspect from what @StormySam says that the main ethnic group in this school that her DD might go to is not African, but South Asian. I think that @LadyNorthStar is also thinking along these lines, hence her comments about relationships, sleepovers etc - she is thinking of a school where most girls come from a quite a conservative family background.

Edited for clarity.

I don’t have a perception - I AM from an ethnic minority background so what I’m saying is based on my own experiences.

It’s true I don’t know much about African culture though.

I’m glad your daughters are doing fine. I do think it’s a different situation to the OP however.

How can non Muslims attend on religious days if you say the school closes?

Exactly my question. Perhaps she means that the attendance is non mandatory on some religious days for children who celebrate those festivals.
Well, not sure why anyone would have problem with that. Schools have been closing for Christmas and Easter since forever for families to spend time together. Now, if the majority of the school celebrates some other festival, perhaps considering that isn’t such a bad thing.

Would depend on what the other cultural majority was to be honest. One in particular - no I absolutely wouldn’t

I wouldn’t send my children to any school where there was a monoculture. (We’re Jewish and I would include Reform/Liberal Jewish schools in that, and I would also include places like Henrietta Barnett which are obviously not selective by culture but are in practice majority south Asian.) I think secondary school is partly about social development, learning about differences in practice, finding one’s way, and a school which in practice serves a very narrow sector of society would concern me.

@StormySam have you visited the school? Talked to anyone whose DDs go there? How do you know she'd be the only white girl in her class and that the others are all the same ethnicity? Have a conversation with the head to get a proper picture. You're getting some measured and some bigoted answers here, but none will be as useful as what the school or other parents there can tell you so maybe come back to the thread after you've got a bit more information about the specific school you have in mind.

I am Governor at a school with over 50% Muslim pupils.
The school doesn't close around Eid for example but the Muslim pupils don't attend (with no sanctions) and some of the non muslim students also don't attend and its very difficult to know whether non Muslim students can be sanctioned either

My kids haven't experienced anything quite as stark as the situation described by OP, but they've been a fair part of the way towards that situation in the odd class or two. I'd recommend avoiding if there's a decent alternative, I wouldn't expect it to be all bad by any means, kids are kids, but especially for girls there are so many parts of the quintessential (Eurocentric) teen experience that wouldn't be experienced nearly as fully in that situation.

@Bumdrops

It was relevant because African culture in some senses can also be majorly conservative. I was not allowed to sleep at other people's houses for example.

Re relevance: I was just pointing out that sometimes people can have an idea about certain groups of people that are not necessarily verified or accurate.

@LadyNorthStar thanks re: my DC being happy. I hope yours are too. We all want the best for them at the end of the day right?

@StormySam good luck with your decision. Go with your gut and I am sure you will find what is right for your DC. I agree also with talking to the school and asking some quite direct questions.

OP, more than about ethnicity itself I would look into the social context, and whether the other families share similar values and have similar habits to yours.

I have heard of schools which certain parents, including liberal Muslim parents, do not like, because it's hard to fit in unless you are a strict Muslim. And I agree that for girls it's worse. I would look into things like:

• will your daughter be one of the few without a hijab?
• Would she be allowed to have an open conversation about the hijab and the role of women in certain Islamic societies?
• Will the other girls exclude her?
• Will it be possible to have open conversations about religion, atheism and philosophy at school?
• How many other girls will be allowed to go out, socialise, have boyfriends, and how many will not? Of course there are other cultures which tend to impose similar restrictions.

The social aspect is important. To the extent possible, I would not want to send my children to a school which is academically good but where they would be isolated and lonely.

A school can have a minority of white students but still be reasonably divers and manage to be reasonably inclusive.

May I also ask how the ethnic mix of the school compares with that of the area?

There are a number of schools nearby that I wouldn't choose as they are definitely for one religion but this one isn't and promotes multicultural values. I guess because it's a single sex school it is still favoured more by one religion. I would think there are a couple of other religions in the school. We are no religion but not anti religion and two of my kids went to a Catholic school even though they weren't Catholic.

It's quite sad that other white families don't or won't choose this school as on paper it looks appealing but I started the thread incase there was anything I hadn't considered particularly from those that have the experience of being the only child with a particular cultural/ethnic background and it's definitely given some interesting perspectives.

My DD has a hobby that takes up every weekend where she also socialises with kids she's known since age 3 so we don't really feel that she has to socialise with school friends.

My kids are also Jewish, and weirdly look Scandinavian levels of white.

I'm trying to avoid any school which is 80-90% one group whether black or muslim or anything really. I would also avoid a monoculture of white or indeed Jewish kids but those don't exist where I live.

I'm hoping for a mix of kids so they don't feel like the odd one else and also are exposed to differences. I am much more worried about anti-Semitism than I would have been a few years ago, even though we have no connection with Israel at all.

@StormySam My DD has a hobby that takes up every weekend where she also socialises with kids she's known since age 3

That's good. But it may not be enough. Do not underestimate the impact on mental health of being in a school where you are excluded, ignored, ostracised.
Not saying that will happen for sure, just saying be mindful of the risk.

It's one thing to say that you get along OK with other kids at school but your best friends are outside school, quite another to say that your only friends are at school because the school kids exclude you