Can someone reassure me about DD starting secondary?

[ButtCheeks]

DD starts secondary in September. The school is very highly rated and has excellent results. It is known for being very strict.

We went to the introductory meeting/presentation thing, and I have to say, it killed my soul a little bit.
They have 5 minutes between lessons to get to the next one, one 20 min break in the morning, and half an hour for lunch.

They were saying they expect 100% focus at all times during lessons, absolutely no lateness, and I imagine any bathroom trips must be during breaks.

Am I being a bit ridiculous in thinking this sounds gruelling? I mean, obviously thousands of students do this on a daily basis and do just fine. I’m all for healthy discipline and structure and not taking the piss but why do I feel a sense of dread for my kids entering this institution?

DD is great academically and socially and is a very switched-on, creative child and would no doubt be fine so I wonder why I’m struggling with this perfectly normal transition.

I also worry pre-emptively about DS (8) who is summer born and how he will do when the time comes.

How did your kids cope in year 7?

I think it's because when faced with a school like this it feels like their starting point is that the kids are all a bit shit and that they need a firm hand.

On an individual basis this doesn't reflect your daughter. So yeah, it feels like shes been sent somewhere where they have a dim view of her ability to focus.

But on a school population level having rules means the school runs smoothly.

Its done now. Focus on preparing your daughter for the new way, whether a school is super strict or not it's a massive change from being the oldest in school and being more or less in one classroom with one teacher all day and the youngest in a school.

And lots of kids take a while to settle into year 7. So be prepared for teething issues.

I hear you, and I feel for you. But it will probably be ok! Hold onto that.

Yeah they are just setting out their stall wrt lateness and focus. You want them to want the kids to be on time after all.

The breaks and lunchtime is totally standard.

If your dd has a good attitude I am
sure she will be fine. She just needs to take on board the big change to youngest and lots of different classrooms.

Breaks and lunchtime is completely standard.

many secondaries are very very clear about their expectations because unfortunately these days more children than previously come up to secondary who are really struggling with their behaviour.

by that I mean hitting, being mean to others, running away from lessons,vandalising toilets and so on.

in practice once your child has been there for a bit she will be fine. The year 7 teachers are usually quite good at working out who is genuinely getting lost and who is buggering about.

My DDs school is like that on paper...

In reality... the vast majority are completely fine. There's been a couple leave as its "too strict"... but all the rules actually do make sense when you look at them.

Then last week, out of the blue, the head teacher announced a massive party on the field today, with music, non uniform etc as a reward for the hard work.

When you've got 1000 children to keep safe and educate there needs to be clearly defined rules.

Hasn’t 5 mins between lessons always been the case? Otherwise they waste their day chatting in the corridor and getting distracted.

It can be a culture shock moving from a safe, cosy primary to a larger secondary but the majority of children settle in well after a few weeks.

My DS is summer born and I did have some concerns about him which turned out to be totally unfounded.

I'm in my late 30s and I'm pretty sure that was the same structure when I was at secondary school. There may have been an afternoon break but I can't remember. I think the school make allowances while the kids are settling in and finding their feet - I remember getting lost a few times! But once she's settled and knows the routine she should be fine

Sounds a great school - I’m sure she will be fine. They are preparing them for adulthood and the working environment.

The step up to secondary is big. It’s a totally different type of school experience than primary. The breaks and time between lessons are standard.
They tend to go in hard on the rules with year 7 to set expectations. It’s rarely as gruelling as it’s made out to be.

I’m really sad that lunchtimes have been reduced to 30 minutes. I understand there are reasons (behaviour, staffing etc.) but when I was at school there was enough time to sit down for a proper meal and attend a lunchtime club.
Now my kids have to spend most of their half an hour queuing for something they eat standing up and then quick dash to the toilet before going back to class. Hardly any time to be active or do anything fun.

My ds is just finishing year 7 and we had a similar presentation last year. I had the same nerves as when he first started school but he handled it all well. Although he did lose a lot of stuff initially as having to move class each period was new. If it reassured you, the school he goes to has super strict rules but they are really good with the year 7s and did loads to help them settle. They do seem to grow up really quick though and he is so independent now.

My son's school has exactly the same - 5 minutes to get to the lessons, a 20 minute morning break and 1/2 hour lunch break. I don't think this is unusual in secondary schools. My son's school is also strict, and expectations are high. However, my son's school encouraged the students, support them, reward them for good behaviour, offer lots of enrichment opportunities inside and outside of school. What I will say is that secondary schools do expect students, even from Year 7, to be responsible for themselves. So, it will be your daughter's responsibility to remember her PE, to make sure she has the right equipment with her, that she does her homework, and to carry/look after PE kit!! So many in Year 7, lose their kit, leave it in a classroom etc!! In my son's school, it's an automatic detention if a child forgets their PE kit or doesn't have the right equipment with them. Yes, she may take a week or two to settle, but she'll cope just fine.

Sounds fairly normal?

That is not a strict school, that's a normal school. Did you expect them to say that they can wend their sweet merry way to lessons, pitch up whenever they like, slack off in lessons and go for a wander whenever they like because they say they need the toilet?

The strict schools are the ones where you're not allowed to talk in the corridors, can't take your eyes off the teacher in lessons and get detention if you wear the wrong socks.

Half hour for lunch is shit but it means schools can turn the lights off half an hour earlier in the afternoon because schools can finish earlier. We can't afford to keep open longer and staff longer lunch times.

I worked for the Head who first introduced this and asked him about it as I felt the kids weren’t getting enough time to actually have a break. He was very clear about his rationale for it: the kids wouldn’t have enough time to mess about, just enough to go to the toilet, queue up for food and eat. It seems it’s now been rolled out to quite a few schools. I feel very fortunate that my children attend schools with proper lunchtime breaks where they’re encouraged to attend clubs.

I would say that the disruptive peers are far more of a problem than any school rules

At my kids school lunch is half an hour, and the clubs are after school, so they last a full hour.

I don’t really understand what you thought would be different? This sounds standard to me, I’d be pleased that they were setting high expectations from the offseason, everyone knows where they stand.

I think your instincts are correct op. My bright well behaved DC went to a school like this and it was quite damaging, especially for my sensitive DDs.

My eldest lived in constant low level fear and anxiety of the draconian rules combined with peer bullying. It put her off education for life and at 23 she is only just getting over the sustained trauma of it.

My youngest (straight A engaged student) just got fatigued by the constant barking and shouting of teachers. It broke my heart one day when she just said ‘I wish they’d stop shouting. They don’t need to shout at me. I do everything they ask, but why do I still have to put up with being shouted at all day?’ She used to come home daily with a headache and dread for the next day.

They endured it and got through it but didn’t really thrive. In hindsight I wish I’d pulled them out. I would’ve sent them to a local school which was less prestigious but less harsh and smaller.

PP are right though, lots of secondary schools are like this now. They are crowd control for teenagers and have to abide to certain behaviour standards but that doesn’t suit all kids. Your dd will probably be ok but just keep checking in with her and keep talking to her. Listen to her concerns and don’t be afraid to move schools if you need to.

We have the same re break and short lunch. I quickly learnt to pack things that are easy and quick to eat that will release energy slowly because they all tend to eat their lunch at morning break then do half hour clubs at lunchtime!

I think these kinds of systems are terrible. I’m a teacher with 30 years experience and three adult children. Such a short lunch break allows no time for relaxation and socialising and the strictness can cause huge anxiety. In the future well look back in disbelief that we treated school children like criminals.

it is a big change but ime they take it in their stride and soon settle into the new normal. Dine help at home in the first few weeks with packing their bag the night before is good to get new routines established. We have a summer born boy and an atom’s born boy. They’ve both been fine.

30 minutes for lunch is rough. Ours have an hour. The younger years have it after lesson 3, older ones after lesson 4.

It is always a massive culture shock anyway, one teacher, one classroom and suddenly lots of teachers and lots of different classrooms. You just set them up for success. She knows the rules and it will benefit her in terms of other students being pulled up on low level disruption.

The shocker for the kids who piss about at primary and miss 5 minutes of their play time is that shit doesn't fly at secondary. There are verbal warnings and then detentions. Every morning in form time at my DC's school the teacher looks at all the students' planners and can see who is messing about and they can intervene, put things in place to help a child who is clearly struggling with the new rules.

The other shocker is how big the older students are, they are adult sized. My DC's secondary has a year 7/8 specific playground where they also serve food at break.

There are often lots of threads on here about getting them prepared for secondary including things like printing out their timetable and having it visible in several places including the back of the front door. Having a routine in place for after school and homework. Having all the right mandatory equipment in their pencil case and a pencil case of spares in their bag in case some arseholes nicks it between lessons. Also never take the pencil case out at home, that way they never forget it. Carabiner clip to hook on their bag to attach their PE kit to under the desk so they don't leave it in the classroom.

I have two summer borns who thrived at secondary, brilliant, enthusiastic teachers, interesting subjects, fantastic pastoral and hard on discipline meaning that when my children were bullied it was dealt with immediately and stopped dead. An incredible school. They are young adults now.

Mine had 5 mins less at morning break and 5 mins more at lunch. They need to be strict in a comp as some kids will really push the boundaries. Have you ever seen one of those Educating Yorkshire/Essex type programs? Behaviour can be appalling.
My youngest recently left school. Both mine were well behaved and both were happy, felt safe and did well. If the school hasn't been strict bullying and disruption would have taken over and it would have been horrible for them
The teachers were caring and dedicated. Give it a chance. Your dc might be fine. If not look at moving them.

Just to add. I was worried sick about (summer born) dd1 going to secondary, as she was bottom of the pecking order at primary. She actually thrived at secondary (comp.) Primary was a lot worse. She found lovely friends and the mean ones didn't bother her. They were too busy having dramas with other mean ones.

At my dcs' school, I noticed the parents who complained the loudest about the school, tended to have badly behaved kids who'd got into trouble. The parents of well behaved kids were happy, as their kids were happy and progressing well. I'm only speaking for their school. Might be different in other schools.