Can someone reassure me about DD starting secondary?

[ButtCheeks]

DD starts secondary in September. The school is very highly rated and has excellent results. It is known for being very strict.

We went to the introductory meeting/presentation thing, and I have to say, it killed my soul a little bit.
They have 5 minutes between lessons to get to the next one, one 20 min break in the morning, and half an hour for lunch.

They were saying they expect 100% focus at all times during lessons, absolutely no lateness, and I imagine any bathroom trips must be during breaks.

Am I being a bit ridiculous in thinking this sounds gruelling? I mean, obviously thousands of students do this on a daily basis and do just fine. I’m all for healthy discipline and structure and not taking the piss but why do I feel a sense of dread for my kids entering this institution?

DD is great academically and socially and is a very switched-on, creative child and would no doubt be fine so I wonder why I’m struggling with this perfectly normal transition.

I also worry pre-emptively about DS (8) who is summer born and how he will do when the time comes.

How did your kids cope in year 7?

Truly, as someone with a bright, well behaved child at a secondary with very lax disciple - I CRAVE some discipline. My poor boy deals with so much disruption, vaping, intimidation etc.

on balance I’m sure your daughter will prefer the discipline than the bad behaviour.

OP, the schedule you are talking about sounds completely normal - we all followed something similar at secondary school, so I don't know what you are expecting to be different? Children have to get used to moving between classrooms for different subjects - of course they shouldn't be messing about, or dashing off to the loo, because they need to be in class. Your child will be fine.

I'm very glad I don't work somewhere where I'm treated like a robot. I've had many different jobs in many different industries and always left the ones with petty rules. It would have been awful to be stuck there for years.

seems like normal secondary school rules to me, I’m sure she’ll get used to it quickly and settle in.

You sound quite anxious - particularly worrying already about the younger child. Please be mindful this can transfer to your children.

with your dd some low key preparation and reassurance would be best.
be flexible at the start of term for example with lunch she may want to fit in with others. So for example if they all spend most of lunch queueing for a panini she’ll want to do that even if you think a home made sandwich is more sensible.
Try and see the positives and convey this to her - half hour lunch means an earlier finish and more social time after school.
yes she’ll have different teachers but she will get to know her form teacher quite quickly.
if she’s prone to being a bit disorganised then work on that. Time in the morning to use the toilet (if needed before form time.)
There always seems to be a bit of angst on here about toilet use. In reality (apart from medical issues) using the toilet say at 08:30 before form, and again 4 ish hours later at lunch should be fine…
If she is constantly drinking from water bottle or likes to have her needs instantly met, maybe the routine and expectation needs to change?

Take time to enjoy the summer, get the necessities bought soon then minimal talk of school till a day or two before unless she raises it? My August born dd had the time of her life at secondary despite my reservations. She’s waiting for exam results now. Her school was on the strict side but it led to less antisocial behaviour and bullying. Strict can be done in a caring way - not all schools are run like prisons!

But surely you ate expected to be on time for meetings with what you need for that meeting, or not answer the phone halfway through, or wander off to the toilet when someone is talking with you... all the same societal expectations that school rules replicate?

You can help your dc check what they need for school and with their homework timetable. That's what i did initially with one of mine. The other didn't need it

This is strange to me. The rules the OP has mentioned are being on time to lessons and being focused in lessons.

If I were persistently late to work and not focusing in my time at work I think I would be in trouble in just about any role I have ever had. Not sure why anyone thinks these rules are petty, or super strict or over the top? tbf most posters here don't think so.

I’m so scared of secondary school. I would prefer this for my daughter than finding her sitting in the toilets face full of foundation smoking vapes.

Schools here have all moved to 100 minute lessons to reduce the number of times the students have to move around - there's one move between lesson 1&2, and lunch between 2&3. It's a fairly large school so the logistics of 1500 kids funneling down narrow, one way corridors 4 or 5 times a day was too much (and impossible during social distancing COVID).

Yes this is my thinking. Seems so rushed and stressful.

Thank you for this. I am definitely overthinking it. I’m not sharing any of these worries with DC as I agree with you it can transfer!

Good point about the home packed lunch. Definitely better than queuing.

I guess it boils down to being quite organised. Which is a good life skill to drill into young people.

The timings are standard for the average secondary school

In the beginning, at our school the teachers walk the year 7s to their next class so if getting lost is on your mind, don’t worry about that. If 5 mins wasn’t enough to travel between classrooms then the school would have changed the timetable timings but kids will have been doing the in between travel in 5 minutes for years.

Which is great… but at the school where it was introduced, the school day was actually much longer.

Completely standard. My school is huge but even then it takes a maximum of 3 minutes to get to the next class. It’s unbelievably annoying when you are starting your lesson to have kids wander in then moan they haven’t done the starter yet.

You’ll probably find Y7s will be given a little grace to get to know the school, and might even get a slightly longer lunch at first to get used to it all.

We have to have high standards and expectations as some of our kids just cannot seem to cope with following instructions. Some simply haven’t been taught the word ‘no’ either. Those that genuinely struggle are supported to get it right: we don’t go to immediate sanction.

If your dd gets herself organised (and if she ever gets it wrong learn from her mistakes!) she’ll be fine. The school will want the pupils to succeed; they won’t set them up for a fail.

I find this so sad. I used to do all sorts in my lunch break. Choir, library, other clubs. School also ran things like play rehearsals and revision clubs. When are fitting in these activities? You could also queue for lunch, sit down to eat, and chat with a friend or friends and have a proper break.

Noone should be wolfing down food stood up and rushing to the toilet, a very bad habit linked to lots of health issues. Girls also need more time on a toilet than boys due to periods. Another way children are drawing the short straw because schools don’t have enough money to pay to supervise them over lunch.

So in any of your jobs were you given a 30 minute lunch break?

Wanting your child-especially the younger years, to have sufficient time to get to the lunch hall, queue for food, eat, time to digest and an adequate time to relax & socialise with peers, doesn’t seem unreasonable at all. If this is done to mirror the working environment then it’s not accurate at all-nor is it healthy!

Tbh, I’m shocked & grateful my child won’t be experiencing this. This isn’t the norm for most schools- I had to google it! 13% of schools in the UK do this sadly.

Yeh I worked in NHS comms for several years and we got a 30-minute lunch break. My dd works for a library and that’s her lunch break. My ds works for a supermarket and he gets a 30-minute break. It’s far from unusual tbh.

I’ve worked in schools where lunch is an hour and unfortunately behaviour can become uncontrolled. We moved in one school from an hour to 30 minutes and incidents really dropped. I agree it’s not a long time, but like I say, it’s common enough in the world of work IME.

They do the clubs etc after school. When there is more time (so they aren't "wolfing down" food or running to the toilet). Clubs are all at least an hour, sometimes up to two hours. (Last year 80% went to at least one club!) They have a staggered lunch break, so there are only 2 year groups on lunch at a time, so more space.

Plus I remember hour lunch break at school being at least 30mins hiding from bullies 2-3 days a week.

Did the school do induction days for the Year 6 children so they know what to expect going into their new secondary school? This is the usual thing (I know, I used to be responsible for organising them!!!!).

As for your concerns, this is a totally normal school set-up and a strategy - set out expectations and explain the school day timetable to parents. All schools go in 'hard' at the beginning - your daughter will be absolutely fine. Structure and discipline obviously are essential for a healthy school environment. The tight timings for lunch and getting to lessons are all part of that.

This is standard for our local school, we did have a longer lunch break initially and it was changed to 30 mins, the lunchtime period is 4 periods of 30 mins, this enables every child to get lunch. With a longer period, they had twice as many kids to serve and it simply didn't work.

I would also say our school were hot on implementing rules, there was no room.for negotiation! But the kids knew exactly what was expected and many engaged accordingly. I feel the behavior tolerated in primary school was no longer allowed.

I remember exactly the same anxiety and it took until Christmas really for mine to find their rhythm. My first did ok, the second less and received lots of detentions, but by Oct he changed his friendship group and decided to make a change. If the school had been relaxed, he could quite simply be still receiving regular detentions and he isn't!

If possible find a map of the school so she is able to locate where her classrooms are and where she has to get to. It generally takes year 7 a few weeks to settle down but year 8 is when the boys can be most difficult and you'll be glad of a school with firm rules then.

Half an hour for lunch can be a problem and I would make sure she always has a snack she can eat if necessary. They should stagger the lunch times for different year groups, that helps but you can still get children who dont manage to get food and/or have time to eat it.

When I first read this message I was shocked- I’ve also worked in the NHS-didn’t get our 1hr breaks sometimes because we were extremely busy & I’ve worked in a supermarket in my teenage years. However, those are 9hr shifts, so 6 hours of work (school hrs) is legally 30mins break time.

I still wouldn’t be happy with this & I wouldn’t choose this type of school either, kids shouldn’t have to be so grown too soon! I can understand it’s to control the behrs, surely they could find others ways. We had staggered lunch times when I was younger to accommodate everyone. I just hope the lessons are not intense and somewhat fun at least!

This is why there is a two year Intermediate School in between Primary and High School in NZ. Both my boys were summer born and it was a God send for them.