@stickygotstuck I totally hear you. My yr11 is fine in scholl, but her AuDHD brother in yr8 really struggles. Luckily his school is really supportive and agreed to him "flexi-schooling" so he does one day a week at home and 4 in school. I had an issue with school saying that because his attendance is at max 80% he hits the LEA trigger of being below 90% attendance and therefore any days off "sick" need to be backed up by medical evidence. I wrote to them and said that this was potentially unlawful discrimination as his attendance is low because of the flexischooling and the flexischooling is to supoort his ASD which is classed as a disability and protected under law. They responded by saying that if I say that he is absent due to his ASD then they will not expect medical evidence - bingo - now if he needs a "sick" day I may say it's a nasty cold, but it causes sensory issues as a result of his ASD - therefore I always tie it back to the ASD to avoid them requiring additional medical evidence - I'm not taking my son to the GP for a sick note when he has a cold!
I just wanted to share that with you in case it helps you argue your case with the school in any way - pointing out the law often works wonders. I think there are loads of people who don't get it, and I'm ashamed to say I would probably be one of them if it weren't for my son. DD in yr11 hasn't missed a single day of school since she started in reception, but with her brother I will allow him a random day at home when I sense he is getting overwhelmed or if I know it's a day of not much going on (his school - a different one to his sister's - has 90 minute lessons!! If it's a subject he doesn't engage with such as art or RS or even one he is due to miss altogether by being in their inclusion centre, then I may keep him home - or rather, not force him to go in, which it what it feels like I'm doing most mornings). Educationally it is doing him no harm - he is exceeding in most areas (except art, dance and DT!) and in fact my argument is that it is supporting his education by keeping him mentally well enough to cope with the schooling he needs. His access to education is dependent on him being regulated and actually being in school 100% of the time will cause him to become dysregulated.
I really think the education system needs to adapt its approach for ND pupils. As you have spotted with your daughter, a different approach is needed and the one size fits all will not work to her advantage. She has an equal right to an education as any other child but by forcing her to do the same as other children is not actually treating her fairly or giving her equal access to education.
Sorry, I could bang on about this all day! Wishing your DD all the very best with her exams and you the very best in advocating for your DD with the school.
@NotDonna - I'm the same, generally stuck to convention all my life, but having kids has completely changed my outlook. It took having daughters to make me support women's rights, despite being a woman myself!