Downsize for private school fees?

[Busybeingtired]

My daughter got a 20% sports scholarship to a local excellent private school (10 mins walk). We were hoping for a bursary as on low incomes but sadly the acceptance letter says she didn’t score high enough in the academic exam to be assessed for a bursary. I feel quite stupid as I didn’t realise that the bursary assessments were only made for the highest scoring candidates, this was not clear on the website and I presumed we would have at least been assessed.
She also has a top 15% sport scholarship at Kingsdale Foundation School so hopefully that will secure her a place there in the place lottery.
I went done the rabbit hole of working out if we could sell our house, move somewhere for around £400k in order to release the private school fees for her to go to the private school. Am I mad to consider this?
We are in S London and have a modest 3 bed house in a not brilliant area and would have to move further out to find a house for 400k.

Hello,
it sounds like a difficult decision. Just so we understand the alternative.. she wouod get a place at Kingsdale? How do you feel about that school?
or if that isn’t certain then where would she get in?

also, do you want to share the name of the private achoool? There is a huge variation in quality - sone are not worth their fees let alone a huge family sacrifice.

what do you hope your daughter will get from the private placement, and is this a) realistic and quantified and b) worth it to you as a family?

its a lot to put on a child, uprooting your own security and nice home life (which she enjoys the fruits of too).

I can only answer for me and my situation, everyone’s is different. I can imagine my DD would have done brilliantly in a private school. She did really well in a state school with parental support, encouragement and cramming despite some SEND. So, for me and her, probably not worth it. But then she is not sporty, not in the least.

Incidentslly, she is at (state) school with two friends who are excelling in a traditionally private school sport and might get scholarships to unis based on that.

only you can decide what works for your family 🤷‍♀️

I have multiple children in private schools so I recognize there are potential positives to them. But I absolutely wouldn't do this unless you can identify a specific need of your daughter's that will not be met if she attends KFS or another state school. If you can identify a need then I would still work hard to figure out how you could meet that need outside of school for less money.

If you have some funds for independent school just not enough for full-fees I would save up and use it to open up additional options for your DD at 6th form. Then if she chooses a state option post-GCSEs you'll be able to offer help for a gap year endeavor, a house downpayment, etc.

Stick with a state school, it's really not worth selling your house for school fees which are only going to increase. The scholarship is just covering the VAT that wasn't in place when you started looking at schools. You could always reassess for 6th form.
If it helps when the grammar school places come out on 3rd March many many parents holding scholarships from top private schools will ditch them for a free grammar place or an excellent state secondary (that you may get anyway).

There’s another thread on here re Kingsdale and information from posters whose kids had different % scholarships about likelihood of getting a place which might be helpful? I know it’s massively over subscribed.

The private school is Croydon High which we are close to.
Kingsdale school works in a lottery system for places. Because she is in the top 15% of sport scholarship scores the letter says ‘based on previous years’ she should be offered a place but it is a lottery and they don’t guarantee it. If she didn’t get a place there, she would go to our local state secondary. Kingsdale has a great reputation and I am sure she would do well there, I’m just worried that after all the hard work she put into the private school application, that we might regret not throwing everything at trying to get her there

I have 3 kids, 1 of whom went private for years 7-11. No way would I downsize for what private gave him - even though I was perfectly happy with it. Some of his friends came out with very mediocre academic results and are now doing the kind of school-leaver jobs not very academic kid from state schools do. I don't think I'd feel great about that if I'd sacrificed as much as you're contemplating - how do you think you (and your daughter) would feel in that situation?
Just not enough of a difference between state and private, at least not where I live. But I guess if she's completely passionate and has a real chance of getting to the top in a sport that you really wouldn't be able to facilitate if she was at a state school, that's different. Or if the state alternative are really shocking (but if that was the case, I'd move to a different area but not downsize).

Where would she likely be in the academic pecking order at the private school? If in the bottom third (but potentially much higher in the pecking order of the state school), being at the state school might be better for her confidence.

Croydon High is a good school -
well done to your dd but along with many other private schools it is not worth downsizing for.

How academic are the schools? Are they the sort of schools that weed out anyone less academic once their sports skills make them less useful for winning team sports for the school? These might be other questions you need to ask

Croydon High was listed 98th is the Sunday times Independent schools guide in 2024, it's 77% grade 9-7 at GCSE.

Also true about weeding out/ withdrawal of bursary/ scholarship funding.

This is always a risk with private schools. States basically can’t chuck you out until sixth form for any reason short of something pretty heinous.

Also, what were your own experiences of school as parents? I’m asking because that can really shape your inclinations. If you went to state and it was miserable and crap, it can push you toward private for your kids.

State in London boroughs is now is a million times better than you might imagine. And probably state schools in many other places. I was really amazed when I went back to my secondary school recently, and also heard through family the kinds of things they now offer kids. Completely different.

There are cold spots of pretty poor secondary schooling in some bits of England, but generally well-supported kids with involved and intelligent parents are going to do well wherever they go.

The sport thing is a consideration. Is your child able to continue this sport outside of school, or is it contingent on being at the private school? And just how good are they? Like, potential Olympians or county level or what?

Croydon high is a great GDST school, and ranks ‘high’ on the Times list but not one which I would be looking to downsize to afford going there.

if I could I’d try to find the extra cash to invest in extra curricular sports and put money aside for university.

Not in your neck of the woods but we downsized and went mortgage free so we could put the kids through private school.

Best decision we've made.

No mortgage or rent, small bills so very manageable.

Kids going to a great school with small class sizes and lots of opportunities.

Clinging onto a property for its potential value in the future seemed a bit crazy to us. Anything could happen in life, plus the cost of maintenance is just going to go up and up. Not worth the stress. Life is for living not just surviving in hope of jam tomorrow.

Plus the excess is being invested to get the kids onto the property ladder when they're old enough.

Win-win all round for us and much less stress on the family.

It's not worth it for Croydon High compared to Kingsdale but the problem here is i guess you won't know about Kingsdale before you have to put down a deposit for Croydon?

Croydon High will have smaller classes but Kingsdale offers a lot of sporting opportunities and good academics too.

There are lots of extras in private that you'll need to pay for such as lots of school trips, expensive uniform and kit, fees going up annually. How will she feel when all of her friends are living in huge houses and going on flash holidays etc. How will you feel if she is average academically and perhaps could have done as well academically at a state school. Is it worth all of the upheaval for a sport? If she is a possible future Olympian, national level, then maybe but your daughter may go off this sport or not want to put the hours in as she grows older but will feel compelled to due to the scholarship.

Your dd may also feel the weight of this expectation. Just some things to think about.

A lot of what ifs in that scenario!

In my view, you need to put the child at the centre of the decision, not expectations. Private school isn't a financial investment. You will not get a ROI that you can say 'hey that was worth it'! because you'll never know what the alternative outcome would have been.

If you put the child at the centre of the decision then what you can get is a child who is healthy and happy in their environment. Whether that's private or state, its all a judgement call based on the needs of the child. There really isn't one size fits all.

Plus there doesn't have to be any guilt felt by the child for decisions adults make. As long as you're crystal clear it was your decision and choice to make, not theirs.

Social envy can happen anywhere, someone always has more, some have less. You have to manage that throughout life so its a good life lesson you navigate with them. Don't put invisible social barriers up that may not be there.

Feel free to PM me if there are any questions you have on KFS - I have a DD there in Y11 on a music scholarship.

From what you say about the wording of your email re the scholarship, she should definitely get a place in first round.

We looked at private as well as state, and have no regrets about choosing KFS. It's definitely been the best fit possible for DD who is not the easiest student - spiky profile, SEN and challenged executive function as well as being very musical. She's had a very happy 5 years there and is as sad about not staying for 6th form as she is excited about her next college.

I think that's a lot of pressure to put on a child, to be thinking of uprooting by the whole family and moving to a smaller house/less desirable area to pay for their schooling. Do you have other children and could you do the same for them? Honestly, I think that's too much pressure on the child. What if they don't like it and want to move?

Is the commute to Kingsdale okay? If it is, then I would go with that. It is a LOT of pressure to put on a child to move house for their school. You all might end up hating the area you move to, your DD might not like the school, and she may decide at 14 she hates the sport. Also sport is expensive and you may want to spend your money on that, or holidays. Kingsdale is a good school. The only thing is I guess you aren’t close, and friends may be really spread out.

Thank you so much! We do think Kingsdale will be great for her and she certainly loved the school and the sport’s assessment morning!

I absolutely wouldn't downsize for private school fees. It's not a financially sound decision IMHO. It's too much of a sacrifice.

Thank you for all the replies here, I read them all several times and have been mulling this over. Downsizing will be really challenging for us as there aren’t many options of areas to move to with 400k houses still in comfortable travel distance for school and the sports she takes part in.
As many of you point out, there is no guarantee that private school will have the right outcome…we will never really know what the best choice will have been!

I mean this with kindness, if she didn't score very highly academically on the exam, why are you thinking of selling your house to pay to attend a school?
She can play sports anywhere and you could spend your money on this. She might end up not liking school, just not being good at certain subjects etc. I would spend the money on the bits she enjoys and excels in.

I’d make other spending adjustments eg cut
down on holidays but I would not downsize to send a dc to private unless there was no way the state option was going to be suitable

it sounds like you have good state options so I’d prioritise those.

Personally I would definitely go Kingsdale and fingers crossed your DD will get it on 3rd March. You can always top up with academic tutoring, if the need arises later on. That is far cheaper than private school.