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Secondary education

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Downsize for private school fees?

38 replies

Busybeingtired · 14/02/2025 21:25

My daughter got a 20% sports scholarship to a local excellent private school (10 mins walk). We were hoping for a bursary as on low incomes but sadly the acceptance letter says she didn’t score high enough in the academic exam to be assessed for a bursary. I feel quite stupid as I didn’t realise that the bursary assessments were only made for the highest scoring candidates, this was not clear on the website and I presumed we would have at least been assessed.
She also has a top 15% sport scholarship at Kingsdale Foundation School so hopefully that will secure her a place there in the place lottery.
I went done the rabbit hole of working out if we could sell our house, move somewhere for around £400k in order to release the private school fees for her to go to the private school. Am I mad to consider this?
We are in S London and have a modest 3 bed house in a not brilliant area and would have to move further out to find a house for 400k.

OP posts:
spellstruck · 17/02/2025 14:41

Hi,

I really sympathise with you - we turned down one of the Dulwich privates for our DC for Kingsdale and it was a very difficult choice. We were in the same position that it was not easily affordable for us and we would have to make big life changes for it to work. If we had known DC would get a place in the lottery we probably wouldn't have tried for the privates - same as with your daughter we put in a lot of work and it felt terrible to turn down, but since we live in a bit of a secondary black hole we felt there was no other option at the time.

Does your daughter have a sibling? This is what made the big difference for us in the end, we could have maybe done private for one but not two so it was great to have a guaranteed place for the sibling.

If it turns out in March that you have a place, call or email to arrange to view the school again. They were really happy to do that for us and we actually saw the school in action, rather than the weird open days! How long do you have before paying the deposit? Hopefully they would be understanding and fit you in quick.

We actually made a very late decision and I wouldn't recommend that route for financial reasons!

On the whole we are happy with our choice and think it was the right one (and DC is doing really well), but you need to visit both and go with what is right for your situation.

LondonHOPDad · 17/02/2025 17:11

We had an offer from a local private school, part scholarship, part bursary but not really enough of a discount for us. We also had his younger brother to think about.

We did get the impression we could possibly have got a larger bursary if others turned down their places, but when the offer for Kingsdale came in we decided the difference was not great enough to justify the family sacrifice we would have to make, so declined the private place (we'd not had to pay a deposit or anything yet). It was the right decision for us as a family - I think you do need think about the whole family and not just the child. We've never once regretted the decision (despite knowing children are the private school who are also very happy).

Good luck.

Busybeingtired · 17/02/2025 18:38

Thank you for both the Kingsdale positives! I think we have come to the decision to forget the crazy moving idea. We would have to keep the same mortgage amount and move to a house in a much less desirable area and I just think it might be a bit miserable for all of us. We do only have 1 child and hoped with a part bursary, the scholarship and some grandparent help, it would just about work to go for a private school.
I am just going to really cross my fingers the top 15% wording in the letter really does mean she will get a Kingsdale place!

OP posts:
tennissquare · 03/03/2025 21:59

@Busybeingtired , how did your dd get on today with the school allocation?

Busybeingtired · 03/03/2025 22:04

tennissquare · 03/03/2025 21:59

@Busybeingtired , how did your dd get on today with the school allocation?

Thank you for remembering and asking, she was offered at Kingsdale place and we’ve accepted!

OP posts:
tennissquare · 03/03/2025 22:05

That's fantastic news, best of luck to her in September.

Mumto51986 · 03/03/2025 22:50

we are in the exact same predicament with Croydon high sports scholarship and got the Kingsdale sports scholarships. We found out today we got Kingsdale- I hope you did too? But we are still not sure what to do.

have you made a decision

South80s · 04/03/2025 09:58

@Busybeingtired and @Mumto51986 we are also in a similar boat - DC has place at a private but got a full music scholarship to Kingsdale and we got the offer yesterday. We've accepted our Kingsdale offer. For us, the fees would be just about affordable but a bit of a stretch (both our children were / are at private prep and the increase in fees has just been bonkers, and now there's VAT to consider and fees are only going one way!) and we just aren't convinced the added value is there anymore. For us there's also a strong argument about the diversity of the state sector and children learning to mix with everyone and stand on their own two feet as that's the real world.

Our DC is very bright and pretty outgoing, loves sport and music, particularly jazz, and the dedicated jazz music teachers at Kingsdale have definitely been a draw (they didn't get a Kingsdale sports scholarship so hopefully they'll still have opportunities to take part at Kingsdale but without private fees we can afford extra clubs and experiences etc outside school if not). The results at Kingsdale are excellent (this year's Good Schools Guide report 55% 9-7 at GCSE - which when you consider the entry is non selective is impressive) and we loved the atmosphere of the school and the teachers we met at the open day.

We actually made the same choice for our daughter a couple of years ago - state over private - and agonised over that decision even after we'd made it. She got a 25% music award to one of the top-performing GDST schools, and a 25% academic and music scholarship to one of the top co-ed privates. We didn't have Kingsdale on our radar then but she went to Grey Coat Hospital and we've not looked back. She is absolutely thriving there, getting an excellent education (like Kingsdale they stream the kids there in core subjects, from year 8 at GCH, and really push the able ones). She's also musical and is getting opportunities there she'd never have had at a private - and our friend with a daughter at a well-known central London girls private has said to me her daughter would love the opportunities ours has had. For example, GCH provide the children for operas at the Royal Opera House and our daughter is currently doing her second production there - complete with costume fittings, choreography to learn and drama direction! For a kid who enjoys music and drama this is enabling her to experience these at the highest level in a working theatre, and can't be matched. Of course, not all kids get to do this, but our experience is that if you put yourself forward the experiences are there. She has definitely learned to advocate for herself more and has really grown in confidence. I'd also say that we are able to give her nice experiences out of school in things she enjoys without worrying about cost - she's a member of a netball club and also of a youth orchestra (the standard of which is higher than anything we saw in any school - private or state). On top of that she does a club every day after school except Friday, so stays busy!

Great to hear good things from @LondonHOPDad about Kingsdale. We have friends with kids there who are very happy so we are pretty certain it's the right choice - in fact for our DC it has always been their first choice! There's just always that slight fear that you're making the wrong choice!

Shambles123 · 04/03/2025 10:17

I love GDST but these are very difficult times in the independent school sector. It's hard to ever be completely sure you can afford the whole journey ahead but nowadays you need to be a really high % sure.

Busybeingtired · 04/03/2025 16:44

Mumto51986 · 03/03/2025 22:50

we are in the exact same predicament with Croydon high sports scholarship and got the Kingsdale sports scholarships. We found out today we got Kingsdale- I hope you did too? But we are still not sure what to do.

have you made a decision

We did, and we have accepted it. Hope you are able to reach a comfortable decision too!

OP posts:
Busybeingtired · 04/03/2025 16:45

South80s · 04/03/2025 09:58

@Busybeingtired and @Mumto51986 we are also in a similar boat - DC has place at a private but got a full music scholarship to Kingsdale and we got the offer yesterday. We've accepted our Kingsdale offer. For us, the fees would be just about affordable but a bit of a stretch (both our children were / are at private prep and the increase in fees has just been bonkers, and now there's VAT to consider and fees are only going one way!) and we just aren't convinced the added value is there anymore. For us there's also a strong argument about the diversity of the state sector and children learning to mix with everyone and stand on their own two feet as that's the real world.

Our DC is very bright and pretty outgoing, loves sport and music, particularly jazz, and the dedicated jazz music teachers at Kingsdale have definitely been a draw (they didn't get a Kingsdale sports scholarship so hopefully they'll still have opportunities to take part at Kingsdale but without private fees we can afford extra clubs and experiences etc outside school if not). The results at Kingsdale are excellent (this year's Good Schools Guide report 55% 9-7 at GCSE - which when you consider the entry is non selective is impressive) and we loved the atmosphere of the school and the teachers we met at the open day.

We actually made the same choice for our daughter a couple of years ago - state over private - and agonised over that decision even after we'd made it. She got a 25% music award to one of the top-performing GDST schools, and a 25% academic and music scholarship to one of the top co-ed privates. We didn't have Kingsdale on our radar then but she went to Grey Coat Hospital and we've not looked back. She is absolutely thriving there, getting an excellent education (like Kingsdale they stream the kids there in core subjects, from year 8 at GCH, and really push the able ones). She's also musical and is getting opportunities there she'd never have had at a private - and our friend with a daughter at a well-known central London girls private has said to me her daughter would love the opportunities ours has had. For example, GCH provide the children for operas at the Royal Opera House and our daughter is currently doing her second production there - complete with costume fittings, choreography to learn and drama direction! For a kid who enjoys music and drama this is enabling her to experience these at the highest level in a working theatre, and can't be matched. Of course, not all kids get to do this, but our experience is that if you put yourself forward the experiences are there. She has definitely learned to advocate for herself more and has really grown in confidence. I'd also say that we are able to give her nice experiences out of school in things she enjoys without worrying about cost - she's a member of a netball club and also of a youth orchestra (the standard of which is higher than anything we saw in any school - private or state). On top of that she does a club every day after school except Friday, so stays busy!

Great to hear good things from @LondonHOPDad about Kingsdale. We have friends with kids there who are very happy so we are pretty certain it's the right choice - in fact for our DC it has always been their first choice! There's just always that slight fear that you're making the wrong choice!

Edited

That’s amazing about all the opportunities Grey Coats offers. All these anecdotes have made us feel much happier with the decision

OP posts:
Sunisshine · 04/03/2025 17:39

Busybeingtired · 14/02/2025 21:25

My daughter got a 20% sports scholarship to a local excellent private school (10 mins walk). We were hoping for a bursary as on low incomes but sadly the acceptance letter says she didn’t score high enough in the academic exam to be assessed for a bursary. I feel quite stupid as I didn’t realise that the bursary assessments were only made for the highest scoring candidates, this was not clear on the website and I presumed we would have at least been assessed.
She also has a top 15% sport scholarship at Kingsdale Foundation School so hopefully that will secure her a place there in the place lottery.
I went done the rabbit hole of working out if we could sell our house, move somewhere for around £400k in order to release the private school fees for her to go to the private school. Am I mad to consider this?
We are in S London and have a modest 3 bed house in a not brilliant area and would have to move further out to find a house for 400k.

I would not do that; as previous poster said it is a lot of pressure on the chilD and you as a family; if you don’t have the money don’t send her private,

Alice676 · 12/05/2025 04:45

Most private school offer scholarship to entice parents, in feeling special- can’t decline. But it’s only 20% off to fill in places with children who can be good assets to them. Great business model- but why sacrifice family life for a business? Enjoy a good state and no fees

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